My Sweet Spot

Procrastinating away, I stumbled across the below from a DC friend who always made me laugh and I never really got to see enough. I had so many words of support over the past year, it was incredibly humbling to read things including: 

"Like, you truly are one of the good souls on this planet, G. You have been a great friend, a good comedy muse, a fun party buddy, and you certainly saved my bacon when I was out of work. You are awesome and you will come out on top."

Made me realize, he hit the nail on the head with what he said when he describes what I'm good at... this is who I am and sometimes I wonder if it is all I am. Not a good soul, but more friend, party buddy... comedic muse. I really appreciate those of you that think I'm awesome. I wish I could agree with you, but, that's just my own issue. 

As for coming out on top, it's not clear. I'm fortunate to be home, to be on my own two feet, maintain a home, keep a job, have a dog who is snoring profusely as I write this. Who knows what comes next? All I can really be sure of, is that I am surrounded by loving friends and crazy (yet lovable) family, which I guess is the definition of winning. 

On a side note, I'm in a deep coma of movies and music these days. Lyrics are always my thing and my passion for movies runs deep. Both always provide me some decent philosophical exploration. So, I will add my pondering song of the day, Imagine Dragon's It's Time.

"It's Time"

So this is what you meant

When you said that you were spent

And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit

Right to the top

Don't hold back

Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain-check

I don't ever wanna let you down

I don't ever wanna leave this town

'Cause after all

This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

So this is where you fell

And I am left to sell

The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell

Right to the top

Don't look back

Turning to rags and giving the commodities a rain-check

I don't ever wanna let you down

I don't ever wanna leave this town

'Cause after all

This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely

This house doesn't burn down slowly

To ashes, to ashes

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

Andy Grammer

Stumbled upon him while trying to cheer up a friend with "Keep Your Head Up"... then again, with his summer hit "Honey, I'm Good"... but this is probably my favorite right now.

I dig it.

"Fine By Me"
You're not the type, type of girl to remain
With the guy, with the guy
Too shy, too afraid to say he'll give his heart to you forever
I'm not the boy who will fall to his knees
With his hands clasped tight
Begging, begging you please
To stay with him for worse or for better
But I'm staring at you now
There's no one else around
I'm thinking you're the girl for me

I'm just saying it's fine by me
If you never leave
And we can lay like this forever
It's fine by me
In the past I would try
Try hard to commit to a girl
Wouldn't get too far
It always somehow seemed to fall apart
But with you, you, you
I can see what I need
I can dream realistically
I knew that this was different from the start
And it seems that every time
We're eye to eye
I can find another piece of you
That I don't wanna lose
And I'm staring at you now
There's no one else around
I'm thinking you're the girl I need

I'm just saying it's fine by me
If you never leave
And we can lay like this forever
It's fine by me
I'm just saying it's fine by me
If you never leave
And we can lay like this forever
It's fine by me
And it's never easy
Darling, believe me
I'm as skeptical as you
When I think of life without "us"
It seems like "What we're supposed to do? "
But I don't wanna come on too strong


I'm just saying it's fine by me
If you never leave
We can lay like this forever
It's fine by me
It's fine by me
If you never leave
And we can lay like this forever
It's fine by me
I'm just saying it's fine by me
If we never leave
And we can lay like this forever
It's fine by me

Graceful Dancing

I had another snarky post, but I'm scrapping it. A wise man is helping me realize that despite how my healing continues, continuing to move down that higher road is super important. So instead, I'm going to do some graceful dancing... which is harder than it looks... you know, for me. Smooches, G

;-)

Describe the pain
That choked your reality
It's all in your mind he said
You have to go graceful dancing 
I closed the door on the war I started last Halloween
I'm gonna be fine again
I have to keep graceful dancing
Here we are
You're a superstar on your own
And I'm looking over your shoulder, getting older
And god only knows
That here we are
And you're a superstar on your own
Yea here we are
The sunset rains, like a bullethole
Trees only seem for hanging
The moon is a target range
And rivers seem only for drowning
You ball the blame
Then you starve to finish your painting
Its gonna take time my friend
You have to keep graceful dancing
Here we are
And you're a superstar on your own
And I'm looking over your shoulder getting older
And god only knows
Here we are
And you're a superstar on your own
Here we are

No seriously, me on a golf course

Supporting proof for a lack of plan

This morning, I stuck my hand through my Capri pants, tearing an epic hole. These were my "thank goodness when asked to be a golf cart driver I brought a casual outfit since I was supposed to see my friends...completely forgetting that my bosses like to have me for 16 solid hours when I'm onsite."

Yea, hole. I tried covering it w my top, thought about sewing, staples, pins...ultimately I went with the workout pants that I was supposed to use after I slept in.

But that's not all folks. I also proceeded to have my deodorant fall apart and all down my shirt.

Then I gave the wrong directions (fucking Siri hates me) to my bosses and we drove around the golf course for 25 minutes. All the doors to the club were locked and when I found the open one, I fell in and down the stairs right into the golf pro, Joey.

So...why don't I have a life plan again?! That's why.

Smooches
G

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want...

It's amazing to me that people have life plans. Whenever I state a "life plan" or make a plan it has never come anywhere close to what I state. My new job keeps pressing me for a very simple question to which I have yet to answer. "Where do you want to be in 3 years?" I tell them simple career goals – achieve success with this new company, prove my worth, make an impactful difference in the healthcare space.

They don't buy it.

Now, first off, that's a damn shame because all those are 100% true. But they want more. I guess I've become too good and trying to not mix business with pleasure – although if you saw me work, you'd think the exact opposite. I loved my last job when I was running the culture for my office because I got to infuse some of my favorite things – cocktail contests, scavenger hunts, ice cream sundae parties. My first annual review actually revolved around the open house my company threw, that I got to help spearhead. I called in my DC's finest – chef, decorator, etc. to help me create a successful bash.

And yet, I can't answer a simple question.  Or can I?

The truth is I stopped allowing myself to dream a long time ago. Part of me got shut down when it came to possibilities. I can create some fun company ideas – actually I can create a new company idea just about every day – a worksite wellness program with dogs as physical activity ambassadors, a smores stand in Key West, a place solely dedicated to de-stressing by whatever means you'd like – either breaking things ala Office Space style or throwing paint and creating a stressful masterpiece of color.

I'd do any of those.

So what do I want?

I want to be loved and have love. (Right now, this is a check – we may just make this one).

I want to not stress and work as hard as I do right now. (fail)

I want to make something of 11 years of writing my life down for no one to read. (fail)

I want to finally be fucking healthy (HUGE fail right now – stay tuned for the future of Utie come Fall 2015)

I want to make vacation a regular part of my life and not take it solely when I'm breaking down. (FAIL)
I want to live exactly where I live now and work harder to build it into an even more kick ass home. (Progress – half check).

I want to continue to have my friends, family and those I adore by my side, because that's what matters most to me.

As for the rest, well, who the hell knows? If you told me at 22, that I'd be part of the biggest diet phenomenon and largest story outside of 9/11 and Iraq, I would've cried from laughter. Because up until getting hired the same day I walked in, I was headed to be a filmmaker. If you told me that later, I was going to move to DC have one job I loved more than life itself but leave for something that transformed me into this crazy PR person… I wouldn't have bought that either. If someone said that I was going to leave DC and move home, alter my life completely… still no. And if you told me a year ago, that I was going to be at a company where people start to shake at 5 pm sans cocktail, well… ok, maybe that I'd believe. If you told me that same job was going to have me up at 6:45 am so I could drive a golf cart until I learn how to play golf, well, yea, let's just hope I don't break anything on myself or the client.

I just never relied upon plans, I'd rather just see where the road takes me because I've never created the twists and turns myself… they just seem to happen. I had to laugh when my boss told me that my answer was too "predictable." I looked her in the eye and said, if you knew anything about me, you'd know how unpredictable my life is. The only thing I can predict is that I will work hard - well, I guess you can also add that I will fall or injure myself in some way too. But, I'll get back up. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I know how ridiculous that sounds to an employer now that I'm typing it, but, those that truly know me, know how true that statement is.

Who would've predicted me getting divorced, leaving my job and getting a new job in under a week? Who would've said that a day later my house would be under 8 trees because of a tornado? Or that 12 hours later I'd be flying to Rhode Island, only to get bit by some insect that left me with infections? And that under a week after that, my superhero would be administering an IV while I lay in a hospital gurney?

You can't make this shit up, people. But I can continue to write about it.

So, I do.

Smooches,

G

Deflategate

Not quite my weekend, major bouts of insomnia, feeling under the weather makes for a very sad G. Stuck couch bound and down I decided to at least catch up on the long list of movies I haven't gotten to yet. Trying to get inspired, I watched Still Alice and the Theory of Everything. In fairness, both leave you realizing you need to push yourself more since so many others go through more than you.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day and I feel compelled to dust myself off.

Insomnia leads to...

Unconditional love

I have the whole post rattling around my head for days about unconditional love but I really haven't had the right way to say it or the time needed to write it. So, here's more cute musings from the Internets.

Inspired

I don't think I've ever met anyone who moves on starting a new life and dives in the way I've witnessed today. Amazed. #lucky2015

Tunnel Vision

I know there is a whole bunch of news going on out there. I've been asked to provide my two cents on the Republican circus, etc. So, I'll start with the easiest thing to tackle - saying good by to Jon Stewart. I shamefully never watched him nearly enough, but I regarded him as nothing less that brilliant. The fact that he was able to communicate and translate the news in a way that people not only understood, but actually started to take action is something worth learning about. And they laughed. True story, Daily Show used to call me on a near weekly basis during the Atkins craze. Every time, I had to turn them down because both of us knew that it was just to make fun of him.

But this clip, this show, is forever burned in my brain. Lots of shows (as he notes), made speeches after 9/11... but this one to me is just the most memorable moment of television around that time. True emotion and completely eloquent.

As for the Republican circus, no, I didn't watch the debate, but after reading the article which subhead reads "Blowjob references, misogyny, rolling eyes—was this a presidential debate in Cleveland or a reality show taping? Who shined (Rubio), seemed sane (Kasich), and...Trumped", I don't know that I even need to watch such trash. You can see the rest here.

Smooches,
G

#lucky2015

Success - Before and After

So happy that this is finally done! While it ended with my landscapers, I'm super appreciative for everyone else who helped out.

Time for tiki bar!

Smooches,

G

Yelling Timber...

Only 6 weeks later, this girl is about to have a very naked backyard. Trees galore coming down today. Couldn't be happier. Stay tuned for the pictures.

Tales from the great Mary Popov

Once upon a time there was a lovely couple with two adoring children. The wonderful mother decided she wanted to have her family room renovated after years of living in the same house. 

Always willing to comply, the hard working husband agreed to renovate. One day, after weeks of his efforts, the husband was having a rough day. The wife, hoping to help, searched for an answer to give her hubby a break.

Enter Mary Popov.

She whisked over with her magical bag fill of goodies and trusty dog. A few minutes later - POOF - Mary Popov created one of her best specialities, a fine blend of juices, vegetables and magical spirits. Instantly, the husband revived from his grumpy state and was able to regain his strength to finish his work for the day.

Smooches,

G

Interesting article

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex-isnt-form-infidelity-relationships-days/1099141/