Really, if I have to physically push you away. I. Am. Not. Interested.
Go. Home.
Yell what you will.
Ugh.
Done. The. End.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Music stalking
Ever notice Whitesnake comes on exactly when you need them too? Just like Journey? #hereIGoAgain
Working Hard While Not Working
I may not be employed but I have been busting my ass at the gym between 90-120 minutes a day and continuing to take walks with the princess.
So today was the first time that my unemployment and potential new employment crossed paths. Mid warmup I get pinged by my recruiter. Thankfully, I have known him for years, he's helped me through many situations and has as much dirty old broad in him as I do. (Maybe more since he's older, gayer and could easily be a golden girl).
The place he's been working keeps going for additional references for me. It's been harder to get past these people than homeland security checks (and I can say that legitimately because I know someone who's being cleared for homeland).
At any rate, they want another 3 references. Trying to multitask I start listing potential options.
My gym is no frills which is exactly what I wanted. During the day, most of holiday village is in there and at night it's a solid mix of teenagers and way older. Other than the owner who is a really young bodybuilder who likes to keep pushing my routine harder, not much going on.
I was unaware that between 11 am - 1 pm it is apparently Magic Mike time. I'm desperately trying to type when 4 guys come up all around me and start lifting, stretching, straddling. I actually was hoping no one paid them since I made a joke recently about Magic Mike XXL.
Remaining focused and professional, I give my recruiter options and then tell him I need to keep moving on my workout. When I get to the elliptical, I explain the scene and he's pissed I didn't stop with references to send him pictures.
I'm so thankful that I have spent so much time working with people that don't truly represent professionalism. This whole career thing never would've worked for me if I had to be serious 99% of the time. I couldn't stop laughing.
Not bad for a days work or lack there of.
So today was the first time that my unemployment and potential new employment crossed paths. Mid warmup I get pinged by my recruiter. Thankfully, I have known him for years, he's helped me through many situations and has as much dirty old broad in him as I do. (Maybe more since he's older, gayer and could easily be a golden girl).
The place he's been working keeps going for additional references for me. It's been harder to get past these people than homeland security checks (and I can say that legitimately because I know someone who's being cleared for homeland).
At any rate, they want another 3 references. Trying to multitask I start listing potential options.
My gym is no frills which is exactly what I wanted. During the day, most of holiday village is in there and at night it's a solid mix of teenagers and way older. Other than the owner who is a really young bodybuilder who likes to keep pushing my routine harder, not much going on.
I was unaware that between 11 am - 1 pm it is apparently Magic Mike time. I'm desperately trying to type when 4 guys come up all around me and start lifting, stretching, straddling. I actually was hoping no one paid them since I made a joke recently about Magic Mike XXL.
Remaining focused and professional, I give my recruiter options and then tell him I need to keep moving on my workout. When I get to the elliptical, I explain the scene and he's pissed I didn't stop with references to send him pictures.
I'm so thankful that I have spent so much time working with people that don't truly represent professionalism. This whole career thing never would've worked for me if I had to be serious 99% of the time. I couldn't stop laughing.
Not bad for a days work or lack there of.
#twinning
So many people have said my dog is just like me. I didn't really see it at first, but we definitely have some traits:
Impatient/road rage: this made me laugh the hardest. During one of our walks, we crossed behind some geese. Typically, they fly away but they just waddled along. Lisa grew so impatient, she took one small leap and a half bark to send them flying. She's definitely learned my road rage from our car trips.
Blanket hog/cuddling: she loves to cuddle, which is wonderful for the soul. However, she also is obsessed with all things comfy and furry. If anyone sits on the furry pillows on the couch, she will sit next to me, staring, sighing and grunting until that person moves. My mom got me this great faux fur throw which I adore but haven't been able to use because she has deemed it her own. Several people have tried to get her off it. She curls her nails in and lays all her weight down. I thought if I brought it to the bedroom I could sneak it under the covers, but she found it. Every night she lays all over it like Kate on the piece of wood in Titanic. And, just like the movie, there is plenty of room for both of us...but she doesn't care.
Lil' Miss Independent: she can be scared of silly things - ring tones, the dryer, the furnace. Yet, she still will only do things when she feels ready. If I let her inside, she will wait out in the sunroom until she decides to come in. Eating food...when she damn well feels like it. Until recently since I have to make her homemade food every day because of health issues she's having (hormone and thyroid - which probably sounds familiar).
I guess like everyone says, I'm lucky we found each other. She drives me crazy at times, but we're a good pair. And it's nice to have someone that loves you and would rather spend time laying on you when you're sick or down then be anywhere else.
By far, one of the best decisions I ever made.
Impatient/road rage: this made me laugh the hardest. During one of our walks, we crossed behind some geese. Typically, they fly away but they just waddled along. Lisa grew so impatient, she took one small leap and a half bark to send them flying. She's definitely learned my road rage from our car trips.
Blanket hog/cuddling: she loves to cuddle, which is wonderful for the soul. However, she also is obsessed with all things comfy and furry. If anyone sits on the furry pillows on the couch, she will sit next to me, staring, sighing and grunting until that person moves. My mom got me this great faux fur throw which I adore but haven't been able to use because she has deemed it her own. Several people have tried to get her off it. She curls her nails in and lays all her weight down. I thought if I brought it to the bedroom I could sneak it under the covers, but she found it. Every night she lays all over it like Kate on the piece of wood in Titanic. And, just like the movie, there is plenty of room for both of us...but she doesn't care.
Lil' Miss Independent: she can be scared of silly things - ring tones, the dryer, the furnace. Yet, she still will only do things when she feels ready. If I let her inside, she will wait out in the sunroom until she decides to come in. Eating food...when she damn well feels like it. Until recently since I have to make her homemade food every day because of health issues she's having (hormone and thyroid - which probably sounds familiar).
I guess like everyone says, I'm lucky we found each other. She drives me crazy at times, but we're a good pair. And it's nice to have someone that loves you and would rather spend time laying on you when you're sick or down then be anywhere else.
By far, one of the best decisions I ever made.
Hackers
My identity has had enough. I was hacked again this week...I don't know how it's possible since I just fixed the Comcast hack, but they got me again.
Hope this is a new password that sticks because have someone making up email
addresses and changing themselves to the primary account user is annoying.
Hope this is a new password that sticks because have someone making up email
addresses and changing themselves to the primary account user is annoying.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Point of No Return
I want to have a smart post that accompanies this title but it's just the only thing repeating in my head.
You have reached the point of no return. There is no turning back. Just jump.
Sometimes, that's a good thing...leap of faith type of jump.
Not exactly the feeling that comes right now.
Well, dark and gloomy usually leads to sunshine...so the clouds need to part sometime.
You have reached the point of no return. There is no turning back. Just jump.
Sometimes, that's a good thing...leap of faith type of jump.
Not exactly the feeling that comes right now.
Well, dark and gloomy usually leads to sunshine...so the clouds need to part sometime.
Love this
"When taking great leaps forward, life often turns to shit before it turns to Shinola."
For many people, self included, I hope that's true!
For many people, self included, I hope that's true!
The Art of Reset...
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Today's advice from the Internets
And... Cry to Me...
So excited that this actually worked. (And yes, you can totally hear my Woo! part way in).
Yay, I got it working
Once in awhile, I get technology to work. Here's video from last night's awesomeness. Well worth the seven year wait.
Marc's latest cover
The video is so perfect, damn that YouTube. Anyway, he's covering this Solomon Burke classic...wins my heart. It's for his second SOS - Save Our Soul album. He's starting a foundation with the proceeds. So amazing.
"Cry To Me"
When your baby leaves you all alone
And nobody call you on the phone
Doncha feel like crying
Doncha feel like crying like crying like crying
C'mon baby, cry to me
When you're all alone in your lonely room
And there's nothing but the smell of her perfume
Doncha feel like crying
Doncha feel like crying like crying like crying
C'mon baby, (c'mon) cry to me
Nothing could be sadder than a glass of wine alone
Loneliness loneliness, it just a waste of your time
But you don't ever you don't ever have to walk alone
You see, so c'mon take my hand
C'mon walk with me
When you're waiting for a voice to come
In the night there is no one
Doncha feel like crying
Doncha feel like crying like crying like crying
C'mon baby, cry to me
C'mon baby, that's right cry to me
Yes, I want you to come on baby
C'mon c'mon cry to me
I want you to c'mon baby
C'mon c'mon and cry to me
Yeah c'mon baby c'mon I want you to cry cry cry to me
Yeah I want you to cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
I want you to cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry...
I did it
Saw my man Marc Broussard...so glad I did. When hurricane heart came out a couple years ago, I wept because the lyrics were so on point with my life and I love his voice. I can't send the video from tonight because apparently I don't have a YouTube channel...good to know. Didn't disappoint with this song. I wish he sang more from the album but this made my night. You can check it out here:
"Hurricane Heart"
Tell me I'm unfaithful
If that's the way that you feel
This is gonna be painful
Cause it's about to get real
You're telling me to be honest
How I wish I could
Cause all I ever wanted was
Just to be understood
Tell me
Rolling stone with a loaded gun
Rambling man
Baby I was born to run
I didn't mean to break your heart, I'm just reckless
What a long shot love we had to begin with
I wish it didn't go down like this
My hurricane heart, you're picking up the pieces
I'm tired of talking it over
I said what I need to say
You put your finger at the sinner
I never said I'm a saint
Fell in love with a Prodigal son
Rambling man
Yes I am
I didn't mean to break your heart, I'm just reckless
What a long shot love we had to begin with
I wish it didn't go down like this
My hurricane heart, you're picking up the pieces
I wish it didn't go down like this
I didn't mean to break your heart, I'm just reckless
What a long shot love we had to begin with
I wish it didn't go down like this
My hurricane heart, you're picking up the pieces
Friday, February 26, 2016
When words are more powerful than action
Been processing a lot this week and realized that there are times when words leave more scars than actions. If someone is angry and hits you, you may bruise but the skin heals.
When someone uses words, they can really haunt. In some cases, words said are ones that can never truly be forgotten or perhaps even forgiven. But they can be remedied.
For example, if you're told you are needy and obsessed, I strongly suggest you get a dog. They actually like those qualities. If you make poor decisions and are clumsy, find people that don't mind your ability to trip over carpet.
There's always a solution.
When someone uses words, they can really haunt. In some cases, words said are ones that can never truly be forgotten or perhaps even forgiven. But they can be remedied.
For example, if you're told you are needy and obsessed, I strongly suggest you get a dog. They actually like those qualities. If you make poor decisions and are clumsy, find people that don't mind your ability to trip over carpet.
There's always a solution.
What dreams are made of...
Woke up missing a sock and my bed completely tossed. All I remember was being trapped underground with two of my closest friends as everything was falling around us. We kept the crowd of people calm but I was scared.
No clue what that dream means...except that I clearly need more sleep.
No clue what that dream means...except that I clearly need more sleep.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Well trained
You know you've finally trained your dad well when you're talking to him and calmly tell him there's an extremely large flying bug on the ceiling. Really. No screaming.
Dad says "put a container under it and I will come over."
No way am I letting him do that...especially after last year's debacle when I thought a VERY large earthworm was a snake. And, really, I'm just going to hold a container under a bug for 15 minutes?!
I decline and say it's in a bad location for hairspray.
He yells "oh!! Vacuum!! You can do that!"
After almost 40 years, he's finally learned that you kill bugs by either hairspray or vacuum...sometimes both if they're that scary.
So proud.
And I even calmly sucked the thing up, in my big vacuum.
Milestone moment. Calm flying bug execution solely performed by Self.
Other than that, my gym is going to have to replace an elliptical because that thing is enduring all my stress. Good day. Good day...
Dad says "put a container under it and I will come over."
No way am I letting him do that...especially after last year's debacle when I thought a VERY large earthworm was a snake. And, really, I'm just going to hold a container under a bug for 15 minutes?!
I decline and say it's in a bad location for hairspray.
He yells "oh!! Vacuum!! You can do that!"
After almost 40 years, he's finally learned that you kill bugs by either hairspray or vacuum...sometimes both if they're that scary.
So proud.
And I even calmly sucked the thing up, in my big vacuum.
Milestone moment. Calm flying bug execution solely performed by Self.
Other than that, my gym is going to have to replace an elliptical because that thing is enduring all my stress. Good day. Good day...
Getting Real
As Ted Theodore Logan would say, "Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K." Or to quote Friends, "It just got interesting!"
Possibilities are coming into perspective and may even become reality. Scary, potentially exciting times. But man, a whole lot of work...
As much as I love a slow day, walking the dog and having a watermelon margarita with my pal Nicole, someone has to pay the bills. And that someone continues to be me since Powerball fails me.
Let's see what happens next on this crazy adventure. It's been a hell of a week...looking forward to closing it out with a massage, some drinks, good times and good tunes.
But for now looks like I need to do the hard job and hit the gym.
Possibilities are coming into perspective and may even become reality. Scary, potentially exciting times. But man, a whole lot of work...
As much as I love a slow day, walking the dog and having a watermelon margarita with my pal Nicole, someone has to pay the bills. And that someone continues to be me since Powerball fails me.
Let's see what happens next on this crazy adventure. It's been a hell of a week...looking forward to closing it out with a massage, some drinks, good times and good tunes.
But for now looks like I need to do the hard job and hit the gym.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Mr. You Guys
Recently Mary-Louise Parker wrote this book called Dear Mr. You, which are letters to unidentified people to say the things she wanted to say but didn't. People expected these letters to be filled with hate, but instead they revealed much more about where she was in the time in her life whenever the letter occurred.
I love this idea... I find it a brilliant way to express the things you need to let go of so you can move past.
So, here's mine which is unlikely to be a crowd pleaser. Before people go analyzing... it is a combination of people...hence, You Guys. I'm sure the clever ones will figure out who is who, but...I'd rather not say. (And truth, I started this post months ago so it's rusty and doesn't include everything).
Dear Mr. You Guys,
It was my choice and I'm aware of that. It probably would've been a better idea if I involved you in the process. I was wrong but I was not the only one who forgot to disclose so important details.
I wish you well and am happy to see that, in fact, you are doing well. I hope you see that you are doing things that you likely never dreamed possible. I think that all events in life lead us to the next level. You may always think of me as a bad choice and a wrong turn, but, I prefer to think of it as getting lost to find a new direction and a new path.
Growth comes from change. I'm impressed by how your talents have grown and how you've expanded your horizons. I always hoped you would do well and still do. I'm sorry I didn't see things sooner that would've made saying goodbye easier.
Thanks for speaking the truth...making me realize that I am no basket case, it was just a defense. Thanks for making me laugh endlessly and being there when I was too scared to turn to anyone else. For listening and showing me that I am standing on my own two feet. I've learned that even things that seem like bad times have shining moments. There are so many laughs that I've had. What's more interesting is all the worse case scenarios you painted are actually now reality...and some of the outcomes are exactly as positive as you predicted.
I'm grateful that you broke down the walls and made me feel again. I'm thankful you showed me that love is possible. The walls were up for most of my life. I'm sorry for the pain and for holding on too tightly. It's true that I never wanted to let go.
There's been so many things I've been told that I am, things I've been told I do wrong. Those are likely to be true. I keep trying to better myself through each of the critiques, no matter how long they take to get through my head.
I work toward peace. I hope you do too. I have forgiven everything I can and lost the rest.
I wish nothing but the best for you. The future is bound to be bright.
I love this idea... I find it a brilliant way to express the things you need to let go of so you can move past.
So, here's mine which is unlikely to be a crowd pleaser. Before people go analyzing... it is a combination of people...hence, You Guys. I'm sure the clever ones will figure out who is who, but...I'd rather not say. (And truth, I started this post months ago so it's rusty and doesn't include everything).
Dear Mr. You Guys,
It was my choice and I'm aware of that. It probably would've been a better idea if I involved you in the process. I was wrong but I was not the only one who forgot to disclose so important details.
I wish you well and am happy to see that, in fact, you are doing well. I hope you see that you are doing things that you likely never dreamed possible. I think that all events in life lead us to the next level. You may always think of me as a bad choice and a wrong turn, but, I prefer to think of it as getting lost to find a new direction and a new path.
Growth comes from change. I'm impressed by how your talents have grown and how you've expanded your horizons. I always hoped you would do well and still do. I'm sorry I didn't see things sooner that would've made saying goodbye easier.
Thanks for speaking the truth...making me realize that I am no basket case, it was just a defense. Thanks for making me laugh endlessly and being there when I was too scared to turn to anyone else. For listening and showing me that I am standing on my own two feet. I've learned that even things that seem like bad times have shining moments. There are so many laughs that I've had. What's more interesting is all the worse case scenarios you painted are actually now reality...and some of the outcomes are exactly as positive as you predicted.
I'm grateful that you broke down the walls and made me feel again. I'm thankful you showed me that love is possible. The walls were up for most of my life. I'm sorry for the pain and for holding on too tightly. It's true that I never wanted to let go.
There's been so many things I've been told that I am, things I've been told I do wrong. Those are likely to be true. I keep trying to better myself through each of the critiques, no matter how long they take to get through my head.
I work toward peace. I hope you do too. I have forgiven everything I can and lost the rest.
I wish nothing but the best for you. The future is bound to be bright.
Meanwhile in reality
After a craptastic day yesterday, I kicked off today watching my family on the Wendy Williams show where my sister was one of the "ask Wendy" guests.
They were having a blast in NYC. Here in hell, my dog was yelping and crying at the vet because she's so scared to go there. Also as I manage my 7th (?) fever and MRSA outbreak.
Now I'm off to take care of her dog since I'm home...
Can't wait for tomorrow's fun of going to the depths of Camden to hand deliver pay stubs so I can finally collect unemployment that doesn't even cover a full mortgage payment, let alone the rest of my expenses.
Life. Is. Awesome.
#shootme #willgoquietly
They were having a blast in NYC. Here in hell, my dog was yelping and crying at the vet because she's so scared to go there. Also as I manage my 7th (?) fever and MRSA outbreak.
Now I'm off to take care of her dog since I'm home...
Can't wait for tomorrow's fun of going to the depths of Camden to hand deliver pay stubs so I can finally collect unemployment that doesn't even cover a full mortgage payment, let alone the rest of my expenses.
Life. Is. Awesome.
#shootme #willgoquietly
Monday, February 22, 2016
Why I Will Once Again Stop Buying Concert Tickets...
Wrong way to put that I guess since I have many haunts right now. Marc Broussard. I've talked about him a bunch of times. This video was posted by him two years ago on my birthday. I've loved his music for years now... finding him when VH1 actually played videos in the morning on its Artists You Outta Know show. (Yes, I watched that instead of the morning news before work... I needed some break).
I saw him October 13, 2009 at the Birchmere in Alexandria. I was so excited for this show...I even missed the birth of my second niece to go see it. It was supposed to be a date, but that didn't pan out. I still went, thanks a former coworker who loved blues. I give her mad props since she literally took her laptop and worked the entire way to the concert and during part of it just so I could go. She knew how much it meant to me. I'm glad I did because he was just as amazing as I hoped.
I've been waiting nearly 7 years to see this guy again. There is a reason I've stopped buying concert tickets, since I had another plan. Again. This time is even sadder. I bought the tickets 3 months ago. There was no question about my giddiness of getting to see this guy sing again. I squealed, even jumped up and down. I knew this person would understand my ridiculous excitement, since I bought tickets for a band that they felt similarly about. (Again, there is a reason I no longer buy concert tickets, especially as a gift. I stopped buying tickets for several years because of yet another show that I never went to go see but had amazing seats).
This is a time I wished I lived anywhere but here so I had someone to go with...I can't miss Mr. Broussard. His voice makes me at peace and his lyrics, like this song Honesty, match my life nearly word for word.
I have less than 4 days to make a choice as to what to do. Unfortunately, it's not a popular singer so the tickets won't even sell. I even paid extra for seats instead of general admission so we'd be near the bar.
This is adding to the multitude of suckage of my fucking day. But, please, enjoy the video and the lyrics below.
You say you need time
Take all you need
You can just stand in a moment of shelter
I try to breathe
Just know that the silence
is temporary
while this is working out for you
it's killin' me
Take all you need
You can just stand in a moment of shelter
I try to breathe
Just know that the silence
is temporary
while this is working out for you
it's killin' me
I don't need nothin' from you babe
Nothin' but honesty
Talk to me honestly
You should know me well enough by now
I'm not gonna run away
I'd never run away
You say you need time
Nothin' but honesty
Talk to me honestly
You should know me well enough by now
I'm not gonna run away
I'd never run away
You say you need time
So I walk away
Just know that this distance you request
I cannot relate
The way that you weep
Leads you to hide
While this is working out for you
It's bleedin' me dry
Just know that this distance you request
I cannot relate
The way that you weep
Leads you to hide
While this is working out for you
It's bleedin' me dry
Cuz I don't need nothing from you babe
Nothing but honesty
Talk to me honestly
You should know me well enough by now
I'm not gonna run away
I'd never run away
You say you need time
Nothing but honesty
Talk to me honestly
You should know me well enough by now
I'm not gonna run away
I'd never run away
You say you need time
Aaahhh no, oh oohh no... no
No no no no no
No no no no no
I don't need nothin' from you babe
Nothin' but honesty
Talk to me honestly
You should know us well enough by now
The sun is still shinin' babe
You set on us today
You say you need time
Nothin' but honesty
Talk to me honestly
You should know us well enough by now
The sun is still shinin' babe
You set on us today
You say you need time
3 hours of piece, 48+ hours of panic
I'm glad I actually posted my hour of enlightenment from my two hours of piece at the movies. It's unfortunately doing nothing to help the fact that the asshat employers I had never actually paid me legitimately so I'm denied unemployment.
Fantastical. Fan-fucking-tastical.
The complete meltdown has already begun. Back to swollen eyes and insomnia. Yay.
Fantastical. Fan-fucking-tastical.
The complete meltdown has already begun. Back to swollen eyes and insomnia. Yay.
Fantastical Start... not.
Four hours of sleep, staying awake to call unemployment to see why I'm receiving no cash and being hung up on before I even get an agent... f'in priceless.
I hate the system.
#truth
Sunday, February 21, 2016
How to be Single
Sometimes you see the right movie at the exact right time. That was definitely tonight. How To Be Single was exactly what was needed for both me and my friend who has been having a really rough divorce which is nearly finalized.
Nothing like seeing something that reminds me of who you were and why you were there in the first place to spark you to keep moving toward finding who you are now.
Dating in DC became nearly a full-time job. Longtime blog readers know this all too well... and if you're newer, I strongly encourage reading 2005-2009, which is both hilarious and heartbreaking all at the same time. This movie was quite similar.
Over the past year or so, it was rather easy to try to search for the "right" answer when I felt like I had found the wrong ones. But I sure did try to fit that square peg in the round hole.
So, who the hell am I now? I'm not sure I really asked myself that question recently and the best part - I have no clue what the answer even is. It would seem I find myself in a time of carte blanche, blank slate and whatever other cliche you'd like to describe it.
There's something truly refreshing about this at the moment. Having absolutely no clue where I will wind up - career, location and even when it comes to the L word.
Right now, I have a chance for a do-over and I'm taking it. My DC bestie said to me on the phone today "you're reading books, hitting the gym, going to movies...look at you!"
I whined about heartbreak, unemployment and my endless drama. Yet, walking out of that movie, really talking about it and how it relates to me and my friend's current situations...really flipped that all on its head for me.
I'm smiling because it really is just me and not any old version of me. A version that has many questions and absolutely no answers. One that has time to explore what the answers could be and what she wants to be when she never grows up but goes on.
Even if I wake up tomorrow with the same old panic of "OMG, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? Where will I live? Will my dog and I have to share a cardboard box?"
I have tonight and sometimes, just sometimes, that is all you need.
For those of you following this thing, I guess you could say, I just found my "aha" moment.
Let's get this party started.
It's been awhile for this, so let me end with...
Smooches,
G
(Ms. Kittens has finally returned)
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Vibes
I really wish I knew what vibes I give off that possess random people to tell me things. I'm walking Lisa down my block and a neighbor I've never met gets out of his car waving hello and telling me his wife is gone and he and his son are "bacheloring it up this weekend. We're doing whatever we want!" and then runs into his house.
I literally couldn't stop laughing since his wife, who I have met, doesn't strike me as a strict type.
Love the ongoing randomness of this weekend. Fantastical stroll down memory lane as my parents made me clean out my old bedroom (in the old days they would make me do this with a hangover). I'm glad I took a look, I found a few priceless items...and my old Denny's mug and carafe for all my tireless years of drinking endless amounts of coffee there.
Let my iPod do a random shuffle and it really brought out the woodwork. My Latin pop phase including Ricky Martin's Maria...GnR's Patience...too much.
What's funny is as boring as this weekend is, I can only blame myself for wishing for a normal life. This usually ends as quickly as it begins but it's been interesting to see how the non vida loca live.
I literally couldn't stop laughing since his wife, who I have met, doesn't strike me as a strict type.
Love the ongoing randomness of this weekend. Fantastical stroll down memory lane as my parents made me clean out my old bedroom (in the old days they would make me do this with a hangover). I'm glad I took a look, I found a few priceless items...and my old Denny's mug and carafe for all my tireless years of drinking endless amounts of coffee there.
Let my iPod do a random shuffle and it really brought out the woodwork. My Latin pop phase including Ricky Martin's Maria...GnR's Patience...too much.
What's funny is as boring as this weekend is, I can only blame myself for wishing for a normal life. This usually ends as quickly as it begins but it's been interesting to see how the non vida loca live.
Sex
My psych notes say "I am crazy" in the corner.
My philosophy notes say "I'm screwed."
Friday, February 19, 2016
BaconHater
My smoke alarm hates bacon. Other than to tell me it's batteries are dead, the only time this thing goes off is bacon. Really. Tonight I lit a fire and forgot to open the flue. (Yes, I know, rookie mistake). Plumes of smoke filled the house. Did it go off? Nope.
Bake, microwave or fry bacon in whatever quantity and the damn alarm doesn't stop for hours.
Bake, microwave or fry bacon in whatever quantity and the damn alarm doesn't stop for hours.
Catch and Release
I'm not the worlds most patient person but I'm eerily calm when it comes to this whole lack of employment thing. Maybe it's apathy or I'm frozen with fear? I'm not sure. I think it was best explained to me recently as I'm waiting for my "aha" moment to arrive. Now granted, my short-winded job, was shorter than anticipated but for all the crap I went through, I really needed it.
I had to jump off the hamster wheel I was on. The non-stop 12 hour days, all without any passion or purpose. I had lost why I was where I was and worse, I stayed because of fear and to please others. As I write this, I realize that I do that more than I'd like to admit. I guess my courage to break free is pretty lackluster. Until it isn't...and then I typically go balls to the wall.
Fear makes you do strange things. Put up walls, live in denial, stay in one place for too long, fight the inevitable.
It's time to let go. Again. I learned something interesting the other day...you should put your best effort into something but never get attached to the outcome. I actually get this now. No matter how much effort you put in, there is no controlling the outcome of any situation.
Some of the best leaders in my old company would have events planned down to the seconds. I was fascinated by the practice, but at the same time I didn't get it. There is always an unaccounted for X factor. You can plan for weather, you can even plan messages for people to say, but you can plan if they will say them or that a sun shower won't happen.
So, it's time for me to let go. Some may say "let go and let God"? I'm not even sure if that's right. I'm just letting go knowing that I've done everything in my power to try and I've got nothing left to give.
Onward we move again!
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Keep Calm and...
Ok, so back to the mindfulness and meditating I mentioned. I read this book - 10% Happier. It's a tough read even for an avid reader but well worth it. It focuses mainly on how a journalist found meditation and it helped him overcome his panic and other issues. Before you think I'm totally cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, he also talks about how many CEOs and larger companies are encouraging meditation. Even the military is having its sharp shooters and others work through these exercises. My doctor has encouraged the practice for awhile now and I've tried. In her office, it felt amazing and I'm rather sure I fell asleep. At home when I tried before, I kept wondering what emails came in from work.
Giving it another shot, starting today. Felt pretty good. This app below asks you how you're feeling - physically and mentally - and the gives you suggested meditations for the day. Plus it tracks your progress. Good deal since it's free. I promise, I won't be chanting or anything when you see me. But inner peace...hell, I could use some of that.
The other thing I learned from the book is another meditation is to send out good thoughts to various people by saying:
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be safe
May you live with ease
I think I already do this, but sending extra love and good vibes...maybe even prayers to a select few today. It will all be ok. Everything falls into place. Even when it doesn't fall the way you think it will.
I'm using the Stop, Breathe & Think app to meditate! #sbt
http://www.stopbreathethink.org
http://www.stopbreathethink.org
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Mary Popov Rule #2
This rule almost combines both...time has no barrier when it comes to fun. I think I actually said something similar to this picture this weekend.
Power of positive thinking
The Corny in Cornell
I'm joking about this being corny. It seems to be my number one go to song that pops up no matter who is singing it - Josh Weathers, Dolly, Whitney or even Chris Cornell. I dig Cornell acoustically. I have to say Soundgarden was not as fun, but then again, I wasn't feeling all that great when I saw them.
Some people go for the music of the song first, I'm usually a lyrics gal. Nothing could be more apropos in my life than these lyrics.
I've had some truly messed up dreams the last few days that only NyQuil can bring about...many faces of my past came back to haunt me and the faces of my present were even more frightening.
Classic winter cold time.
At least I got my do over this past weekend. I owed some people a true day out with me and they sure got it... including getting a jitney load of people to belt out Sweet Caroline and Love Shack, taking pictures with an Indian that they didn't know about who surprised us all later, chilling with their NY Giants family and an unexpected rally finale. It was worth the cold I had before and after.
More things to let go of like bittersweet memories.
Some people go for the music of the song first, I'm usually a lyrics gal. Nothing could be more apropos in my life than these lyrics.
I've had some truly messed up dreams the last few days that only NyQuil can bring about...many faces of my past came back to haunt me and the faces of my present were even more frightening.
Classic winter cold time.
At least I got my do over this past weekend. I owed some people a true day out with me and they sure got it... including getting a jitney load of people to belt out Sweet Caroline and Love Shack, taking pictures with an Indian that they didn't know about who surprised us all later, chilling with their NY Giants family and an unexpected rally finale. It was worth the cold I had before and after.
More things to let go of like bittersweet memories.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Friday, February 12, 2016
Print this out and staple it to my forehead
February 12
We have a t-shirt that reads, "Worry is not preparation." Conditioned mind keeps our lives small by making us afraid. "What if ____ happened? That would be awful." The vast majority of what conditioning wants us to be afraid of and worry about never happens.
Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.Swedish proverb
We have a t-shirt that reads, "Worry is not preparation." Conditioned mind keeps our lives small by making us afraid. "What if ____ happened? That would be awful." The vast majority of what conditioning wants us to be afraid of and worry about never happens.
Today, observe the voices of worry talking to you.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Creative Juices and the Blank Slate
I didn't think I could paint or work on crafts either. I was wrong. I started with one of those painting and drinking classes, figuring I would get at least half right. It was amazing how relaxing it was. Moved my way through pottery painting.
I upped my game to glass fusion which to me was the scariest of them all. One, you literally cut glass, so G-injury factor is high. But beyond getting hurt is starting with nothing more than a clear glass slate.
It's terrifying because immediately I just think about how I'm going to screw up this poor piece of glass. You have to literally force yourself to stop and realize this is your blank slate. You can't screw it up. It's all what you make it. So you clear your mind take all different shapes and pieces of glass - circles, marbles, grit - and try to envision something.
For me, the experience is profound. It stresses me, relaxes me, forces me to create and believe that I can do something in a world where I constantly wonder if I will get anything quite right.
And best of all, it is FUN!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Mindfulness...yet another goal.
February 10
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.Eleanor Roosevelt
Today, make a list of the things you fear. Which one would you choose to engage in order to begin facing fear?
Tuesday, February 09, 2016
Outside the Zone
It's interesting to see what happens when people step outside their comfort zones. I've watched some people (close and from afar) and how their lives have transformed. It's inspiring and makes me really happy. If I still spoke with these people (yes, there are several) I would definitely express how proud of them I am.
The outcome isn't always one you expect, but you do learn a lot. Maybe sometimes you wish you could've learned a lesson much sooner but I guess things fall into place when they're supposed to...
Always makes me wonder about when that moment will happen for me.
Of course, a lot of things have happened and I've lived outside of my comfort zone - good and bad - for years now.
But that ongoing search for that peaceful moment that I've mentioned before. That is my true quest.
The outcome isn't always one you expect, but you do learn a lot. Maybe sometimes you wish you could've learned a lesson much sooner but I guess things fall into place when they're supposed to...
Always makes me wonder about when that moment will happen for me.
Of course, a lot of things have happened and I've lived outside of my comfort zone - good and bad - for years now.
But that ongoing search for that peaceful moment that I've mentioned before. That is my true quest.
Halt and Catch Fire
It's been awhile but even I can't keep up with the plot twists and turns. Almost every day something new needs to be fixed in my house. I know, the joys of homeownership yet seems the minute I became unemployed everything started to fall like dominos.
I've worked to master the art of making a good fire. A lot like life, it's harder than you may think. You need to really care for it, feed it..but not too much. You need to stoke the flame but sometimes it needs to go at its own time. It never goes out when you want it too. It requires a decent amount patience and setting an expectation that just because you put a bunch logs in, doesn't mean you have a full blown roaring flame in mere minutes.
Yes, my days of patiently waiting to hear back have resulted in my new ability to make a metaphor out of nearly everything.
Last night, I also went on a cleaning rampage of my kitchen. The goal was to extend that to a full cleaning rampage of my house. Yet after 4 hours of waiting for yet another service guy, 1 hour of repair and 2 dog walks...I've lost my mojo to get things underway. Today. Or really for this minute.
The art of relaxing...something new to master. Once something does come around I will regret not better spending my downtime, given I either worry, fix things or worse, zone out to oblivion. Technically, this is better than a drunken stupor...but not by much. Stupors are way more fun in the moment at least.
I've worked to master the art of making a good fire. A lot like life, it's harder than you may think. You need to really care for it, feed it..but not too much. You need to stoke the flame but sometimes it needs to go at its own time. It never goes out when you want it too. It requires a decent amount patience and setting an expectation that just because you put a bunch logs in, doesn't mean you have a full blown roaring flame in mere minutes.
Yes, my days of patiently waiting to hear back have resulted in my new ability to make a metaphor out of nearly everything.
Last night, I also went on a cleaning rampage of my kitchen. The goal was to extend that to a full cleaning rampage of my house. Yet after 4 hours of waiting for yet another service guy, 1 hour of repair and 2 dog walks...I've lost my mojo to get things underway. Today. Or really for this minute.
The art of relaxing...something new to master. Once something does come around I will regret not better spending my downtime, given I either worry, fix things or worse, zone out to oblivion. Technically, this is better than a drunken stupor...but not by much. Stupors are way more fun in the moment at least.
Monday, February 08, 2016
Adapt...overcome...I forget the rest
February 8
It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.Charles Darwin
Today, change one small habit and watch what happens.
Friday, February 05, 2016
Because Mary Popov says so...
Monday, February 01, 2016
New First Responder
Apparently, Lisa has decided she wants to pitch in and get a job as a first responder. Her first attempt was meeting a bunch of firefighters at the pond by my house today. They were running drills on saving people in water. Love how she just walked up with no fear and sat down next to them to listen on their meeting. They adored her.
And for those rolling their eyes, yes, I know who she is looking for and missing, but I also know she's not going to find that person.
Day 1 and 11 Years Ago
It's weird to think that almost 11 years ago, I was announcing my big move to DC. I have nothing to announce right now but here's hoping. February holds a strong record for change, both good and bad. I could use some good change over the next 28 days.
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