Christmas and Gina: Perfect Together

A message from the Schmeffster on the importance of Christmas in my world. Note the sheer brillance and Schmeffy's Christmas gift to me.. the start of my own foundation! I no longer have to just work for one!!!

Dear Gina's Roomie,

Christmas is a very important time of year for Gina.... She will cry and make your life miserable if the following does not occur:

1. You let her pick a big tree. The biggest tree the apartment will fit...or the absolute largest tree on the lot...or any lot within 30 square miles, whichever is smaller.
2. You get just as excited when commericals for Rudolph, the Grinch, Scrooged, Christmas Vacation or The Year w/o a Santa Claus air (NOTE: you do not HAVE to watch them, but do not mock them)
3. Understand that the tree is the pinnacle of her xmas season...
4. Realize you have no control over the amount of decorations in the apt... but she WILL NOT put any of them in your room (if you request so)
5. Also note, she names her tree....every year. (past names include: Tyler, Taylor, Timothy and Thomas). accept it.

After 6 years of living with her, I learned that it is much easier to succumb and get through this one holiday, then fight it.

all the best,
schmeffster

(this message has been paid for by the gina mangiaracina foundation: dedicated to the promotion and preservation of gina's happiness...and for children who can't read good and wanna learn to do other stuff go too)

Achoo!! Cough, cough... Bleck! and Poor Bob...

I'm still sick kids, I was even out of work today. :-(

This is definitely hindering the dating adventures you all know and love so well... sad to say, I was supposed to go out with a Brit that spent 10 years studying the behavior of ants and lived on an uninhabited island for 6 months, but I cancelled the first time due to being in shock over my ticket and then he emailed today to tell me he found someone else. I have to admit, his profile was so over the top, it was more just going out with him to see why anyone would study the behavior of ants...

But I digress... so I'm under the covers and web surfing and found this little news tidbit... it addition to Melissa's post about the new book "Atkins is Dead, Pass the Bread", I'm feeling a little bad about my poor, gone but not forgotten Bobster these days...

"Hershey's is the most powerful brand among U.S. consumers ages 13-49, followed by M&M's, Reeses and Oreo. Is it any wonder, then, that Atkins was the least-liked among 1,079 brands surveyed, according to "BrandPower," a new study conducted by Genius Insight, New York?"

Ah Bob, he had such a good plan..

I'm heading back to bed now... I've officially slept more than I've been awake in the past 4 days...

Smooch,
G

How I Survived Thanksgiving....

I hope everyone is coming down off their trytophan highs and ready to enter The Holiday Season. The time of year when thinking unpleasant and violent thoughts about traffic, crowds and the long lines of people in holiday sweaters trying to save $2 on a crappy gift noone really wants leads us to believe that our families ain't so bad.

Some of you are wondering how I managed to escape from the clutches of my father... sorry to say I did not get any audio or visual to support my tale. I do have some tips though in case anyone has any news they need to break to their family this holiday season:

Tip #1 -- Develop a Cold
That's right, lick people's cups, grab a hold of those escalator rails and then smoosh all that bacteria on your eyes, ears, nose and throat. I spent this entire holiday weekend on the bench with a horrific cold, that included losing my voice. Nothing sounds more pathetic than someone who can barely speak and starts coughing up every time she says too much. This is also highly effective when done at a full family dinner table. Something about people not wanting to be sick as you are spewing up various things....

Tip #2 -- Gauge your Audience
I slowly broke the news to family members... gearing everyone up for the big event. The hardest step prior to the grand finale was telling Mom (aka the Kathster). Her suggestion was to wait until he had finished both dinner and dessert, thus giving me a head start should I have to run.

Tip #3 -- Create a Diversion
Slightly feverish and slightly tipsy, the whole "I got a ticket" thing was introduced by a mole (probably my sister). Someone got talking on the subject of being pulled over. With the help of the rest of the fam who knew I had to confess, we got through the rest of the family's speeding history... when my dad started talking about his own tickets (including the Maryland ones), I knew I had him.

With all three elements in place, I finally chimed in with "I wish the cops were that nice to me when I got a ticket". Dad took the bait and said "when did you get a ticket"... so I explained the details about how the sun was in my eyes (and thanks to the MD police and my entire family, I know you're supposed to slow down when that happens).

Fortunately, Dad had a bit of wine, alot of turkey and 3 pieces of pie... AND most importantly and Tip #4, we had a packed audience... there was no way he could kill me with all those witnesses... even if they were family.

Either that or Daddy's grown soft in his old age... but I'm guessing when the insurance gets upped, this light chuckle, pay the damn ticket or I will break your knee caps attitude may change a bit...

As for the rest of the weekend... we came home Thanksgiving night and had no heat, thus forcing me to sleep in my ski jacket, hat, and 14 blankets... and upping my cold and making me even more miserable... so, I spent the rest of the weekend on the couch being ill.

I hope everyone had a great holiday...

Smooch,
G

it could be worse....

I guess I could be telling my parents I'm pregnant this holiday season.... but as I told to shmotty, here's the tale I will be telling Daddy (who we all know from the Driving Chronicles) over the yams:

Me: good morning scotty
shmotty: morning
Me: just curious.. how much would you pay for a pay-per-view live special of me telling my dad about the 30+ over speeding ticket i got over the thanksgiving turkey?
shmotty: lots
Me: i'm thinking it may be a good way to raise the cash for it
shmotty: 30+??
Me: sorry, he gave me 84 in a 55
Me: 29
shmotty: that's good, 30+ is reckless
shmotty: 5 pts
Me: yea i don't know what 29 is
Me: other than my age
Me: and probably the number of times my dad will say goddamnit ginamarie
shmotty: so ungrateful
Me: yea...that too
Me: and "how many times did i tell you.. you drive too damn fast"
Me: then kath with: "you're lucky you didn't get killed.. or kill someone else"
shmotty: sorry, no christmas present for you
Me: you know with this parenting gig, you get to use some great lines.. don't forget that when emmy is older
Me: i can compile a list for you
shmotty: your parents have given a few good gems
Me: yea… at least if they tell me to go to my room.. it means i go back to my apt this year

So, I wish you all a happy Turkey day... and if I can get a webcam up or a tape recorder (which maybe roomie will bring).. I'll try to get you a live account of G getting skinned alive at the dinner table.

Smooch,
G

ADDENDUM for Flounder

Flounder has informed me I left out several important details. Normally, I would just leave as a comment, but after thinking about it, he's right... and I will correct the record.

1. Flounder did pay for absolutely everything. In fact, I owe him a $1.50 because I got him a water with his money and completely for got to give him his change.

2. Flounder showed excessively good manners including opening my doors and constantly paid attention to make sure I was ok, having a good time, that I ate dinner, etc.

3. To the Flummoxer: I was in no way slighting the importance of you in this story. After the Eagles choke job, you definitely took first place as the highlight of the evening. Watching Flounder squirm under the scrutiny of one of his friends was more punishment than I could ever dish out. This is mainly because we all know boys stop listening to women yapping after awhile.

4. Due to the late time of getting home, I forgot to 1. clean up my mess of water and snapple bottles in his car and 2. left my sunglasses there (and for the record, this was a real accident.. not a leave behind.. you try remembering everything at close to 4 am, it ain't easy).

So to add to Flounder's street cred, I will say he managed to be among the top dates I've had down here yet. Of course, we all know that's not saying TOO much... even though Flounder did say he spoiled me... I guess I would half agree that I was spoiled, and fully agree based on the comparision of my other dates.

Smooch,
G

Return from Bolivia -- Finding Flounder

Hola my blog readers,

Well after my 12 hour snooze yesterday , I am back.

So, the question of the day... why/how was G at the Eagles/Cowboys game on Monday? And (if your my mom) why didn't I have the courteousy to stop by and say hello....

The answer is Flounder.

That's right, kids... he's baaaaack. So, I give you the story of how Flounder did his best to regain his street cred....

Sunday PM --
After dropping, the Schmeffster off at the train station, I notice that Flounder sent me a message... half groggy from our weekend of dc drinking and debauchery (kidding about the debauchery, ok half kidding)... I figure, what the heck, I'll give a call back, I'm about to crash anyway.

Well after the constant tough love (PR word for bashing) comments and my persistent please leave me alone emails, Flounder calls to tell me that he has tickets to Monday Night Football and would I like to go with... I immediately started laughing (maybe not entirely audibly, but laugh I did) at the fish that cried wolf one too many times. First, it's funny that he's calling with the same story, second, its hysterical that he thinks I can just walk into work and decide I'm leaving early. Anyway, to be fair, I say I'll do my best. Then, of course, I start a small tribunal with Melissa and Roomie to try to figure out if I should bother to go or not. Roomie, as always, lays out the pros and cons, but refuses to commit to an answer. Melissa, and this was the shocker and the final kicker, decides I have to go. For those of you who don't know, Melissa is the other half of my brain. Rarely, can I make decisions with out her... and even though were several hundred miles apart, I call her even if I lose something in my room. I imagine I'll be doing the same thing when I'm old and gray and can't find my teeth. So, if anyone ever needs to sell me on anything, I'd highly suggest selling her first.

Monday AM--
I'm going. I'm not going. I have so much work to do. This is the Eagles. Damn, he's got me there. Worst case scenario: I need to escape so I call up my dad. Will he be pissed I'm in Philly at the game... probably.. but he'd come and get me, that's what dads do.

9 AM
Boss gives the ok. I email to get directions to meet up with Flounder.

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick Tock. This dude is bailing on me again.

11 AM
Flounder emails the deets.

3:30 PM
Out of work and off to the game.

6 PM
Arrive in Philly and meet Flounder's school of fish and begin tailgate (which by the way, looks the same as a NASCAR tailgate with slightly better RVs). Nice guys, truly. After several beers and even nicer gal begs a RV to let me use the bathroom.

Just as we're about to start our venture into the stadium, Flounder's pal, the Flummoxer, asks the question I was waiting for...

"So how did you two meet?"

(Karma, my friends is a bitch)

I do nothing but put on my best G smile and say "Oh.. why don't you tell him".

That's about all the Flummoxer needed to go into a 15 minute interrogation on Flounder. What do you mean it took you a month to call her? What were you doing that entire time? I don't understand.

Flounder replied with "Uhhhh... I... Ummmm"

Luckily, the Eagles prevailed and we packed up and went inside. Flounder admits that he waited to give me directions because he wanted to make me sweat whether or not he was going to bail. But I digress, in the 200 level of the Link, I found my sports terrets home. Man, I missed Philly fans... people cursing and shouting even when we made a TD, because it wasn't done well enough. Simply brillant. Although the game ended badly (really McNabb, Chunky soup is not going to be a long-term career move for ya), I had yet another good time w/Flounder (who by the way hates the nickname Flounder, hence the excessive usage).

2 AM
We finally get out of the parking lot.... typical PA decides to close 95 down to one lane for construction on game night. Ugh. I doze in and out (in Flounder's defense, he did keep telling me to nap, but I was trying to stay awake so he would stay awake) until we finally arrive back to his house at almost 4. I finally get home at 4:30 or so, and realizing I'm only going to get about an hour of sleep, hit the pillow.

So, there it is, another fish tale. Has Flounder completely cleared his name? Well, that's why you kids comment on the blog to decide things like that. In my opinion, taking me to the biggest game of the season knowing that he'd have close to 12 hours of non-stop G time is a start. He did mention something today that "he may surprise me"... but I guess we'll all have to wait and see. I'm sure there is no pressure for him when he knows that everyone (including himself) reads this (again, I didn't give anyone he knows this blog address). But since I'm a bit tired and incoherent, I'll end with my favorite Bono quote "A woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle"... and a special thanks to the Flummoxer and the nice gal who helped me find a much need potty.

Smooches,
G

NJ Humor

And just to keep you busy... here is a funny article I saw. My entry would be: say it loud.. i'm jersey and proud.... and another I read was "New Jersey: A Great Place to Be From"

Get a Load of This! N.J. Seeks New Slogan
By JOHN CURRAN, Associated Press WriterMon Nov 14, 6:40 PM ET

Make us a slogan we can't refuse, the state of New Jersey said. We got your slogan right here, the people replied.

A push to come up with a new slogan for the Garden State has become an excuse to crack New Jersey jokes. Among the not-so-serious entries:

"New Jersey: You Got a Problem With That?"
"NJ: How You Doin'?!"

And "Most of Our Elected Officials Have Not Been Indicted."
The search yielded nearly 6,200 possibilities in all, many of them attempts to sum up the land of Bruce Springsteen, "The Sopranos" and smelly interstates in one pithy phrase. The deadline for submissions was Monday.

"We're really pleased with the response and proud that New Jersey residents take so much pride in their state," said Kelley Heck, a spokeswoman for acting Gov. Richard J. Codey.
The program began last month after Codey rejected a consultant's recommendation — "New Jersey: We'll Win You Over" — as too negative. That slogan, developed as part of a $260,000 contract by global image consultants Lippincott Mercer, was shelved a day before it was to be unveiled.

Instead, the state opened the process to the public, establishing a Web site and telephone hot line to receive suggestions, which included the lyrical ("The Ocean, The Motion, The Magic") along with the satirical.

New Jersey, which once used "New Jersey and You: Perfect Together," has not had a new marketing slogan in four years. "Get Away, Without Going Far Away" has been used in the interim, but tourism officials say it does not resonate with out-of-staters.

"We have the opportunity to craft a new message for our tourist literature to reflect the pride we have in our many parks, open spaces, farmlands, quaint villages, boardwalks and beaches and our exciting cities," Codey implored would-be slogan writers on the Web site.

The governor and the state Commerce, Economic Growth and Tourism Commission will "pare down the suggestions and go from there," said Karen Wolfe, a commission spokeswoman.
The state's musical legacy — Frank Sinatra called New Jersey home, Springsteen still does — led one person to suggest "From Ol' Blue Eyes to the Boss: Jersey Is Singing Your Song." Another entry: "Born to Fun."

Others found New Jersey's reputation for mobsters, toxic waste sites and lowbrow taste fair game. "Bada Bing! Choose New Jersey" was one suggestion.

The campaign was run by the state, but newspaper columnists, talk radio and "Saturday Night Live" got into the spirit, too.

"New Jersey: It Always Smells Like This," one Philadelphia Inquirer reader suggested. "New Jersey: Come Glow With Us," another said.

Codey and his staff will evaluate the slogan proposals and within two weeks pick five or 10 that will be put to a public vote, perhaps in the same way the suggestions were collected.
The governor, who is filling an unexpired term, expects to announce the new slogan by the time he leaves office in January, Heck said.

Really? Still Debating?

Can't we all just get along? I know, I know... what are people to do when I don't blog in several days...

Here's the short story and tonight, you'll get the long one.

Schmeffster was in town, and we walked the entire town and did almost everything DC possible.

I finally attended my first football game and watched Mr. McNabb choke in person.... (no worries, NJ folks, I totally screamed at him.)

All of the above are long and sorted tails.... and will be clarified very very soon.

Smooches to all and for crikey's sake enough debating about the booze!

love,
G

Help Me Settle An Arguement

I'd love to have a great story to tell you about my date.. but let's put it this way, I left at 7:45, got home by 9:05 and now I'm blogging. Ah, another day, another crappy boy...

On to a bigger issue... help me settle this debate I'm having with my roomie.

Are there such things as seasonal drinks? For my next date, I'm heading to some bar in some old famous DC hotel tomorrow.... I read they have mint juleps and even though I went out for the Kentucky Derby (and lost money, might I add), I did not get to have my mint julep. So I was excited, until I was told that I couldn't have a mint julep because it is out of season.

My side of the arguement is that the only seasonal drinks are egg nog and possibly hot toddies... but here are both sides. You all decide:

Roomie: Mint juleps are a spring drink. Very Kentucky Derby.

Me: Booze is booze no matter what the season.

Roomie:The Mint Julep was probably first made in Georgia, although Virginia lays claim as well. Kentucky though, may very well take credit for its popularity. It is the official drink of the Kentucky Derby. Leaves in, leaves out, straw or no straw, crush, layer, or muddle... This is an issue bartenders will debate forever. Shaved ice, Bourbon, sugar, and mint (not peppermint or spearmint) are not debated in the South. For the absolute best flavor, however you decide to make it, try putting it in the refrigerator for at least a half an hour before serving it. (by the way whoever got past the first sentence, got farther than I did)

Me: Still see nothing about the season.

Roomie: "It is the official drink of the Kentucky Derby." The classic American horse race, the Kentucky Derby is the oldest consecutively held Thoroughbred race in America. It is run annually on the first Saturday in May at Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky.

Me: Does not say it is the ONLY time it can be drank. Budweiser is the "OFFICIAL" beer of football season... sure don't see that being restricted throughout the summer. Egg nog - a seasonally restricted drink Hot Toddy - a seasonally restricted drink... Mint Julep is NOT restricted. Stick to what you know.. like big words and law. I'll handle the booze knowledge.

Roomie: Are Hot Toddy's truly seasonal drinks? What about a cold snap in June? What if you live in the northern climes or Siberian steppes or Norwegian fjords? (warned you about the big words) Couldn't it be argued that most drinks have their season? Aren't G&Ts really a summer drink? Is New Year's the "season" for Champagne? And Bloody Mary's after 3PM are technically gauche.(sure, why not say inappropriate or uncool.. have to go with gauche, right? its the word that's sweeping the nation) Applying your apparent "no season specific thus no season" rule would seem either to violate this rule or to require the absurd result that the "seasons" change once a day, every day. Your sparkling Budweiser example notwithstanding, I think this message firmly establishes my booze fluency. (you people try living with a litigator, you should see us trying to get groceries... I think I had to ask for a podium to make my stand on regular vs. spicy mustard at Costco)

Ok, my peeps... you be the judge.

Smooch,
G

To Mr. Deathanchor

You asked for my input... you got it.

First to my friends, you people are really starting to scare me. I have a bad feeling I'm going to visit Jersey and find a big picture of me on a billboard saying "Date My Friend, PLEASE!"

To Mr. DeathAnchor, I thought my blog was marked private, but from what I hear, it's getting passed around like some grass roots effort. And if you don't know anyone on this blog, that's obviously true! And that's fine by me... I'm hoping that someone will give me a book deal so I can never have to work again. So please, pass along.

Anyway, you'll have to keep reading to find out about more about me and I'll do the same. The past entries are funnier than most, in my opinion. I enjoyed reading your blog too by the way.

Telecomedian is right about NJ, though (and I'm pretty sure he called you Bruce Willis, which is interesting). I spent 11 years going up and down the NJ turnpike, I can't go back to it quite yet.

Until then, everyone keep on posting comments, they make me smile! And I'll do my best to keep y'all updated. Nothing too exciting to report... I think today's hostile comments about Flounder have officially exorcised this demon from my world. But I've thought that about others and eventually they all come back... it is the good ones that manage to escape forever.

I'll have some more stories though.. I got 2 dates this week and 2 next. Well for now.... we all know how this goes.

Stay tuned.

Smooch,
G

Batting 1000

Wow. Ever think there are days that you shouldn't bother to wake up?

I have to tell you all, I've hit a new record low.

First, I fell for the same song and dance twice... on Friday, Flounder calls out of the blue again and offered tickets to the Redskins/Eagles game, which made me super excited all weekend since I've always wanted to go to a football game AND it is the Eagles, which thanks to Schmeffy I've now got a hankering for watching. And despite the recent suspension of T.O. (which to me is a good thing, never liked the guy), this was going to be me, seeing the Eagles live! Instead of yelling at my TV until my roommate changes the channel, I could go and yell with the other 90,000 people in the stadium (thus satisfying my sports terrets). Well, this morning he calls to tell me the tickets he thought he had, he no longer has. Thus would end my Eagles experience, just 8 short hours prior to kick off.

Trying to shake off the "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" feeling, I go to brunch (which for me meant mimosas) with a gal pal... feeling a little better with the taste of champagne and OJ in me, I come home to check my email and get the below letter. Can I just tell you I never even met this person...

So, for a good laugh at my own expense, I give you the second time I got dumped today in writing:

Hey Gina,

Glad to hear you're feelin' better!

My week included a disaster. I've been on this match.com thing for a month now, and I have been in contact with you (!) and this one other girl, who for whatever reason seemed very compatible with me. Anyway, we decide to go to lunch on Friday, and I get to the restaurant first, and I'm all nervous thinking this girl could be the one, and she calls me when she gets in the restaurant asking me where I was sitting. Gina, I got up and saw her on the cell phone waving to me, and her Match.com picture must have been taken during her sophomore year of high school. She had to have been about 50 to 75 pounds more than her "about average" listing led me to believe. There was no way I could get out. Longest lunch of my life. I'm sure she was very interesting, and I just kept smiling and nodding my head at what she was saying, but I didn't hear any of it ... I was just thinking to myself, how did I get myself into this situation??!! I was actually about to call you on the way back to the office, just because I thought you might understand the pitfalls of match.com!

Anyway, listen. I have to be honest and tell ya that I don't think you're exactly my dating type, and I probably can't even explain why, only that I'm weird in the way I think. Who knows, you might even feel that about me. That said, you seem incredibly cool, you're hysterical, and I feel like we could of grown up together on the same block. I would love to meet you over a beer, watch a game, go Christmas shopping, whatever, if you're up for it. If you don't have time for that sort of thing I understand. But you seem like a great girl.

Lemmee know if you ever want to hang out. Otherwise I wish you lots of luck (or at least better luck than I had!)

John


Yea, I'm having a taking a bath w/my toaster moment today, my friends. But, I'm sure you all see the humor in this day and one day I will too. Just not today. Today, I'm pretty much packing it in and going to sleep until tomorrow.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine. I kind of wish it was raining myself or that my internet was disconnected.

Smooch,
G

My Godson Is One Cute Kid