And to sum up...

So Close...

I hate New Years Eve. Hate is a strong word, but seriously, I hate it. Plans always go awry, nothing is the way it is supposed to be. This year really isn't that different save for one thing. I NEED, not even want, NEED, this year to be over. 

I need a fresh start in the worst possible way. I don't even know that I can call it 2015, it's more like 2014 v. 2.0. 

My therapist summed it up best as I left her tonight, "Never a dull moment and that goes double when it comes to you."

Too much to even sum up. Many tears, much stress... balanced out by some serious shows of love, caring and laughter. Drunken moments, both good and bad. 

So many of you by my side for this ride and I'm so thankful for that. But, as I've heard numerous times from many people, it's time to draw a line in the sand and declare 2015 The Year of G. 

I have no idea what that means at the moment. But according to my doc, it means I need to go and have as much F-U-N as possible in one year. I've earned it, I'm told. 

Fun isn't usually an issue for me, so I think that's a doable first step. What else is in store, I have no idea. I'm hoping for some travel... many laughs... seeing so many people that I've lost touch with over the past few years, which I thankfully have already started. 

Hopefully less identity theft both literally and figuratively.  This hasn't happened yet (considering I spent two days ago with the po-po reporting the latest). And regaining my true identity is still pending, but I hope in the near horizon.

A few other hopefuls up my sleeve, but I am definitely ready to get this Year o' G started. So with 3 minutes to go before the 24 hour countdown... I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this, I wish you love.... 

(awh yea, I really just worked in some Whitney for ya).

Smooches to all... may you be safe tomorrow.

xo,

G

Blah Humbug

Applesauce and antibiotics. #sothisisChristmas

Smooches
G

Happy Ha-choo

Idle time. Not my friend. But many have counseled that I need this time. So here's Christmas/Flu 2014 by the numbers:

52+ - episodes of Scandal watched. I've learned such amazing things about internet stalking. So useful!
40 - hours spent on said Internet doing nothing of value.
34 - the minutes I was on hold w United to get my flight rescheduled. Thanks again to them for putting me in the first row of first class, free of charge. Much needed.
18 - the number of hours I slept the first day I was sick which sadly was in Denver
15-cups of tea, note to all: switch to decaf. That stuff gives you the shakes when combined with honey.
10 - bottles of Gatorade I've consumed
9 - the number of days without any voice at all
8 - bowls of white rice and soy sauce I've eaten since that was about all my stomach could take until yesterday
6 - the number of trips my family made to pick up all my medicine and stuff (very grateful)
5 (?) - the suspected number of hours I made it outside my house in the last 11 days.
4 - meals of Chinese food. Oddly, my stomach was cool with Chinese only.
3 - the number of boxes of tissues I've gone through. Even though they're the lotion ones, I still resemble Rudolph.
3 - also the number of Christmas trees I have - a 9 foot artificial, 2 foot artificial in my bedroom since my parents realized I was pretty much bed ridden and 1 real stuck in garage.
2 - bags of Doritos. Yea, not healthy but extremely effective for sore throat.
1 - bottle of Makers gone (doctors order)
1/4 - bottle of honey. I truly dislike the taste of honey but that stuff is sheer magic when mixed with tea and bourbon.

Infinite- the number of minutes I wished for this to play out differently and pondered about what the f I'm doing with my life.

The good news is that I'm on the mend. The bad news is that is only the beginning to playing two weeks of catch up. And then, the real work begins.

I was told that 2015 is supposed to be "my" year. We shall see how that works but doing my best to tame my negativity and head back to G-ality.

Smooches
G

3 Sentence Philosophy on Love

Love is one unrequited experience after another. Everything is a triangle or a circle back to yourself. Whoever gets to find a path forward with someone and walk a parallel line, those are very lucky people.

Flu Day 10?

Is there like a Nobel Prize if I invent a stronger cough syrup than the codeine one? How about like morphine cough syrup? Bourbon flavored morphine cough syrup even?

I have watched every episode of Scandal. I give two emphatic thumbs down to Wolf of Wall Street. I am losing my mind. 

Today, I even saw Wink Martindale on TV trying to sell me a timeshare in Florida. It took me awhile to focus and wonder if it was real or that my fever reached new heights and my end is near.

I'm here to Pump You Up (aka Flu Day 8)

I've now reached fever and complete delirium. Well, I likely had fever and I bet I've been accused of being delirious too. It turns out that my regular body temp is not 97.1, but my digital thermometer has been broken. Probably for quite some time since I think I bought that thing in college. I realized that I was sporting a fever when I started sweating like a whore in church while doing things like walking up my stairs or breathing. Then when my broken thermometer read 98.6 instead of 97.1, I figured it was time to hit up the doctor... just because they get lonely when I go a week without calling them.

I ran out of bourbon on Saturday, so it was time. And now I'm on an awesome new regimen of antibiotics and steroids. Yay. I'm supposed to take 6 steroids today alone, except I didn't get them until 7 pm, so I'm frankly a little disturbed and afraid. 

This is literally the sickest I ever recall being. And no joke, has tanked my entire holiday. I couldn't even take my mom to her Christmas present of seeing the Nutcracker. And, well, I've been too sick to shop for anyone else. 

The people around me have been awesome and I'm so thankful. My wacky parents decided it would be a good idea to buy me a real tree. I was out of the house once in 8 days, so I don't know why they thought that. But now there is a lovely tree in my garage, where it sadly will stay considering I have no way of getting it in or decorating it.

Easily the worst Christmas ever to top off just a craptastic year. 

Can't wait for that mother of a ball to drop in a week or so.

Smooches,

G

Bourbon & Doritos (Goodbye Cruel World)

Over the past 5 days or so, I've done enough drugs to qualify for at least a stand-in role in any quality drug movie... personally I'd pick Drugstore Cowboy. From stomach meds to cold meds, I've literally reached the point where my tolerance is so high nothing works. I mean not codeine cough syrup, NyQuil, cold & flu... you name it... except, bourbon & Doritos. Yes, get your research grant applications ready, I have found the cure for the common cold. I don't know why it works, but it's the only thing that has numbed the most painful sore throat I have ever experienced. Still no voice, but as someone once said to me "women should be seen and not heard", so you know, at least I'm pleasing someone out there just maybe on a delay.

Someone mentioned this week that my body is probably so spent from the year I had that it probably needs at least a week's vacation. If they're right, then my body is getting it's way.

Except with doctor's orders of my two least favorite words "rest and wait," I'm trying hard not to go bananas. The Netflix binge of Scandal Seasons 1,2 and closing in on 3 plus the drugs are starting to make me feel like I could be a super spy as my next career. And thankfully, I'm not living in DC or else I'd probably be full of paranoia right now.

A big ol' UGH and a bunch of whine is all I have. Not the weekend to be sick and have no voice. In one week how did I go from my cushy first class seat, landing to head to a brewery to sitting on my couch watching Elf?

Life can just be cruel. It's times like these where I refer to the sage words of Weezer...

And I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shaking booty, making sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life
It's time I got back, it's time I got back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah

That sums it up pretty well for now.

Smooches,
G

PS - Yes, I was being slightly ironic in referring to Weezer as 'sage.' This blog is meant to be humorous. So if you're not funny, do not read it. Or if you do, take it with some sodium.

Day 4 Flu: Please Just Shoot Me

I think it's the flu. At this point, I don't care what it is... it delayed my trip home, cancelled my entire week and has successfully had me laid up in bed for days. I'm literally under doctor's orders to drink whiskey (with tea and honey) as the only medicine to stop my throat which is so sore and scratchy it makes it impossible to swallow, breathe, eat, live... 

I never thought I'd dislike the sound of a doctor ordering me to drink. (And I totally dig this doctor, so when I squeaked out a laugh since I joke all the time with him about bourbon....I was shocked when he said "I'm not kidding, I'm just getting over it and it is the only thing that will help you.") 

Getting sick this time of year is a pretty regular occurrence... but this is a whole new level of ill.

Couple that with t-minus 2 days to the biggest day of the year for me and I'm just a blues traveler. 

Silver lining and shout out to my elves that were hard at work... assembling a tree in my home and lights outside my house. Despite feeling like the walking dead, it was still nice to see the house lit up when I got in. (Even if I haven't left my 1/2 acre bed all day).

Once again, I need a Christmas miracle... or at least enough energy to recount my fun travel tales.

Smooches

G

Perspective from Denver

"You just sit there and giggle so clearly you amuse yourself more than others. It's not like you're just sit there and laugh like you're retarded or something."

These are the days.

Smooches,

G

In loving memory

For the first time in 15+ years, the first Saturday in December is not G Gets a Tree day aka TREE Day!!!!!!!. In fact, no tree at all this year. Guess traditions are meant to be broken. I'm thankful for all the memories of going to get the tree, and all of those who trudged along with me. Also, the one year where the tree came to me because I was too sick to leave the house. (Stupid Utie).

Sad that I will miss my annual Facebook naming contest too.

Just not happening this year.

Stay well friends.

Smooches,
G

The Guy Who Rocks My World

Yes, I just fooled all of you who are reading this. And weirdly, according to Google Analytics people are reading this... which is even stranger since this blog can't be found through typical channels and the people that know about this blog haven't been reading it (mostly because I haven't really told them and I forgot to resend the link).

But I digress... my heart goes to Marc Broussard. This guy's voice, his lyrics... could listen all day long. Sadly, only got to see him once in concert, but I hope he comes around nearby sometime soon.

So, enjoy strangers.

Smooches,
G

I'm sorry

Wish I felt like the fighter more than the coward. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Not So Merry...

Here's a list of all the times I've blogged about my beloved Hallmark snowmen. So to open up the Christmas boxes this year and find at least 3 are busted... doesn't exactly bode well for a Merry Christmas.

These are just things. I will persevere, but right now it hurts in here.

Advice to Me (Visuals Included)

I would say: Quit acting like a fool and chasing waterfalls. You're only embarrassing yourself, when you ruminate about the things in life that don't want you. Focus on what does want or need you.

A friend phrased this better: Most people don't realize how much passion they put into what they don't want. When you speak to a friend and you tell them all about an "awful" situation, you are putting passion into what you don't want. When you react to an event negatively, with the response that it is "terrible," you are putting passion into what you don't want.

But this video, does a great visual of all of the above and encapsulates my life as it stands to date.

Stepping into one trap after another...

-G

Quality Time

While today was far from my best day, I guess there is something to be said with spending the day with your mom who is thrilled you invited her to go run errands. Then capping it off watching 22 Jump Street with your dad while splitting Doritos and drinking wine. 

You never know when your last moments are with people... guess it helps curb the other things that easily translate into disappointments and pain that remains unstoppable. 

So today, I made my mom feel important and my dad happy. Will take it as a win even if I don't feel like a winner in the game of life.

-G

Thanksgiving by the Numbers

Well, I did it folks. I hosted my own Griswold thanksgiving. For the record, there were no fires, black eyes and no one locked themselves in a room by mistake. While a long time dream complete, holy crow, hosting is exhausting - even with a full team of people helping before and after given that I had yet another upper respiratory infection days before. Continuing to turn my house into a home, it was a fantastic moment in time overall. But here's a look at T-day by the numbers.

1 bottle of Makers down (people love their annual manhattans)
2 out of 3 - the number GI procedure I had thanksgiving eve (to keep things interesting)
4 kids racing around the house with boundless energy
5 loads of laundry
6 pies - equalling one for each house guest
8 loads of dishes (and counting)
13 guests around the table
20 dollars for the last minute, day of shopping trip (I like lemonade, I only eat regular chips)
24 pieces of stemware prepped
25 pounds of turkey
72 stickers I had to remove from all the plates, cups and platters
100 (apprx) - ridiculous yet Mangiaracina-esque decorations around the house not limited to turkey chairs, a cuckoo holiday clock, streamers, wind sock, solar powered dancing turkeys (I could go on, but why)
8,100 - the number of miles one guest flew to not miss out

Smooches,
G

Once, Twice, Three Times... (yea, not even close to) A Lady

Apparently, I like doing things twice. Sometimes even three times. Take closing on real estate... I had my 6th closing just last week, and now once again I own my home. My eye surgeries - two go rounds there. Current GI work, 3 times will hopefully be a charm. 

And then there are my talents that accompany those takes. My personal favorite was during my procedure today when I went to "hop up" on the 'just a wee bit high' exam table. For the record, that paper is slippery which I never knew until I went careening off the side. Lesson for all: use that little stool. 

Well, today, I was feeling brave so I attempted to change my own air filter in the furnace. Yep, I googled and seemed straight forward. Until I realized it was cold in here. Like REALLY cold. 

Thankfully, a simple phone call to my village people, and there comes yet another gent to help this distressed damsel. And fortunately given my bills continue to rise, it was just a simple switch and a lesson in how to properly put the lid back on my furnace.

All in a day... as they say in G-ality, that's why God invented Makers.

Smooches,

G

Giving Thanks

There's a big part of me that has felt like a fish out of water these days or insert whatever cliché you'd like, but what it breaks down to is that once again, I've taken this massive 180 in my life plan. Alright, maybe I've never been much of a life planner… but I did have some semblance of direction which led me here which is now no longer.

Confused? Yea, me too.

So, here's the deal. I was getting pretty down about it… like way far down. Truth be told, I don't feel like much of a match for these parts since I live a vastly different life than most here in suburbia.

Most of you would agree that there's nothing sadder than a sad G. When the bubbly is gone, it leaves a pretty dark hole that's never good. Most of you never see the dark places where my mind goes, but they are there and a fair number of you have saved me from them, whether you knew it or not.

I've had to jump through so many hoops and hurdles this year. Again. I'm really feeling like a trained circus animal. And for every hurdle, it's been one step forward, two steps back, followed by a "let's hit her in the crotch with a curve ball" for good measure.

But just when I throw my hands up in the air, give up hope and call it quits, there comes a pull. What I like to consider the "magic" or "zest" of what makes my life a little different or at least lets me view it as such. This would be considered "G-ality" a state I've been accused of living in instead of reality. (For the record, G-ality ain't the worst place to be, it's usually quite fun here in the land of rainbows and ponies).

Case in point, after a rough few days in the fun land of rebuilding, I was crashing hard. Then out of the blue, I see a car pull up in my driveway and up comes Santa. Alright, not the *real* Santa, if anything more like Hanukkah Harry, but a friend who stopped by in the middle of working to drop off his company's latest Christmas Ale and an awesome snow hat. Just to wish me a happy holiday. Another called randomly to check in and then I got a message from yet another which just said "You are greatly loved!!"

And to cap it off? Jumping in the car later that day and hearing Piano Man blaring through my radio, a tradition for a group of my bestest peeps.

Well, y'all know how to make a girl feel welcome when she's feeling at her worst, that's for sure.

Blues fade and the smile widens. The roller coaster continues on, but, those moments make it all worth holding on for the next turn.

Humble pie for me this Thanksgiving… and I'm grateful for it.

Smooches,

G

Good Musing from My Morning

You need to believe that you're writing your own story and making your own soundtrack. You need many co-authors to help make it rich in content and full of good songs, but the minute it feels like someone else is developing your storyline, that's when shit goes awry.

Smooches,

G

To Lucky...

Lucky,

Wherever you are, this one is for you. Thanks for being the best teacher of "Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f**k you were gonna do anyway."

Miss you always, my furry best friend.

Smooches,
G

Oh No, It’s the Cops…

The irony of my identity being stolen and credit (or credibility) being destroyed is just too good for the Universe to pass up. As with all things G, I seem to live the Groundhog Day of life – I go through every bad thing at least twice. It comes as part of a series of aligned occurrences that might as well have been a giant billboard or blinking neon sign of my need to burn myself down and rise from the ashes, that includes, but in no way is limited to:

-          My chest requiring surgery after a supposedly harmless cyst literally swelled up, exploded and had recurring infections throughout the summer (left another awesome scar too)

-           My entire GI tract being completely ripped to shreds, including pre-cancerous polyps, swollen stomach and bleeding in parts that aren't meant to. (still under repair, check back in early 2015)

I was in the middle of NYC when I first heard about my stolen identity and destroyed credit. It was an awesome day filled with fits of rage, fits of tears (sorry Penn Station), fighting with all 3 credit bureaus, not winning an award that I was up there for in the first place (nice extra kick to the crotch) and ended with a fantastic train ride in which I won the title of "worst day ever" by the guy sitting next to me listening to my calls. (We'll ignore my sister being an hour late and me freezing outside the station).

 But let's get funny. After all that, I picked myself up, the credit issue got resolved and I was excited to see "deleted" on all 3 reports. I contacted my mortgage company that was waiting for my "go" to re-run my credit so I'm not paying out the butt to re-fi. I sent them all the reports, gleeful. Until the next day when I got the alert that said I was in collections again. WTF?!, you ask. Indeed, friends, indeed.

The same fraudulent company that filed the first time, filed again for a new amount, immediately tanking my score back down less than 24 hours after I was cleared.

I was familiar with the drill, so I hopped back on with my favorite customer service folks who told me I needed to file a police report which I was supposed to do in the first place. Funny, since, I was on the phone with each bureau at least 5 times and no one even mentioned it.

Not one to F around, I call the local cops asking what I need to do to file. When I asked their hours, I got the lovely Jersey response of "we're the cops, ma'am, we're here all the time." (For the record, that's not true, their hours are 8-3:30).

I've never willingly entered a police station before. I was falsely abducted once and taken to the Hoboken one…a story for another time. And of all the ways that I envisioned having to go and especially seeing if someone would go with me, this was the least likely scenario. But dear ol' dad and I hop in the car and head off at 7:45 pm. We were told to have a seat. And waited… and waited… (Dad makes a couple jokes a bit TOO loud about them eating donuts in the back) and then finally we hear "it may be awhile, there's a pursuit" followed by the officer's radio going off and him yelling back "yes, pin down the woman too." Does this stop my dad from asking him if he knows the one cop that went to high school with my sister? Of course not.

And so, I'm shuffled off and told to return the next day, which I do solo and even more nervous that I'll make some dumb joke that will lead to questioning.

Fortunately, I do not. But, I do now have a collection of pictures, a FBI file and a specialized ID that if I'm detained (which never happens – see every airport post ever) will pop up in the system and I'm required to provide. If I forget said ID, I will be held. I even had to tell them about any identifiable scars or tattoos. Nothing is more amusing then talking about your great miniature golf incident that led to your only identifiable marking.

That's right, I went from identity theft victim to FBI file… bad ass, street cred. Just me and that Snowden guy, right?

At the same time, I also complained to the town about my garbage people who I watch every Tuesday use my trash can as target practice. Normally, I chose to ignore it, since hey, it's a crappy job but after fully denting in the side and ripping off the handle, it was time for action. I arrive home from the police station and a brand new trash can is delivered to my door step courtesy of the town.

Feeling very Godfather…

Smooches,

G

I went right somewhere

As the roller coaster continues its never short on moments that give me pause and make me think for everything that hasn't gone the way I thought, that somewhere, somehow I did do something right. Below is a message from someone I barely knew. I did a quick favor for this person and when he asked how I was I couldn't lie. I said "could be better". This was not the response I expected but it was a nice surprise:

"What ever it is, time heals all. Persevere and make yourself number one in your life. Be the best Gina you can be. Only let people into your life that will help and most of all understand. It is important to find people who have been in similar situation so that you know you are not alone. Faith and courage Gina, I hope you overcome this moment in time with grace and dignity. Get back to basics and things that make you happy. I know We weren't to close however I know you have all the qualitys that make a good friend. If you want to talk I am always here."

Thank you friends, near and far, close or not.

Smooches
G

Wait For Me...

Admittedly, I've been a bit down when it comes to thinking about this, but I have to say, it would be pretty stellar if someone was waiting for me. The lyrics to this song are quite lovely. I'd Google that shit if I were you.

Stay tuned for some great stories about me and the police. (sadly, not Sting-type police, but actual po-po)

Smooches,
G

great writing.

Totally not mine... but man, this dialogue made such an impact on me, I just had to post it:

"I know what this is. Why you're with me. You're a man who dares to dance with the freaks. I perpetuate that deviance for you. Allow you to show the world that you live outside the box. But I know that's where it ends for us and I understand. It comes with the territory of my complicated identity. But my feelings for you are simpler. They live very much inside the box. I'm afraid that I may have fallen in love with you."

The credit goes to Sons of Anarchy, which really is usually more biker and violent... but one of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen.

Welcome to Zone 5

If you know me, you've heard me say this before. I'm always flagged as a potential terrorist. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard the phrase, "Step aside, ma'am, you've been selected for special screening, I would be slowly rebuilding my dwindling savings.

In addition to being the next shoe bomber, I apparently am on the 'last to board' Zone list. In the summer in Ohio, I was Zone 6. THERE IS NO ZONE 6 – even my boss was floored when she saw my ticket.

So, as my work schedule kicks in to high gear, it was no surprise that I not only couldn't get on an earlier flight despite working several 12+ hour days, but that I was Zone 5 on both ways.

After a 5:30 AM start, boarding a 4:30 PM flight home from Boston just sucks ass. I was doing whatever it took to keep me awake, which included smacking myself to stay awake. Sleep deprivation does weird stuff to you including giving you that feeling like you're badly hung over and are about to be ill.

So, as I prepare my sad self to finally mosey over to the gate as the last person to board (again), the flight attendant stops me because, of course, they JUST ran out of space on the plane for my teeny-tiny carry on and I simply have no choice but to check my bag.

After much grumbling, I start doing a drunken pirate walk to my seat. I finally get there and try to prep by grabbing my seat belt as the gentleman next to me is on a conference call.

Problem – the seat belt doesn't budge. Agitated and exhausted, I proceed to yank on the belt nearly over top this handsome gent who is now staring bewildered. Pulling away, until, he finally excuses himself in the middle of his conversation to look up at me and say, "um, I'm really sorry, but that's actually my belt you're pulling on."

So, how tired was I? Tired enough to molest the passenger next to me. Thanks to the fact that it was a full flight, I got to sit next to this man with my nose stuck in a book avoiding eye contact on one of the bumpiest flights ever.

Ah, yes… I have returned.

Smooches,

G

Fake It Until You Make It

When you can't say it better yourself, imitation is the highest form of flattery. So is plagiarism. 

G's advice of the day

Fall hard, fall fast, get up and get over it. Laugh at your own silliness. (It's better than sitting there feeling like an idiot)

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Smooches,
G

Breakfast Art

I see anxious hipster. (Feel free to have authorities pick me up anytime, given that I'm cooking and seeing things in my food)

This is Not My Beautiful House

Or “how did I get here?” is probably the better question to ask right now. What’s amusing is as I’m writing this I couldn’t possibly be more domesticated. I’ve just baked pumpkin bread, cooked chicken, conquered the death of an insect and even reorganized the recycling which was out of control due to some additional usage of cans and bottles. Well, we all have our moments.

I really didn’t see myself here. I certainly didn’t anticipate becoming the Kim Kardashian of my friends and having one of the shortest marriages on record. It seems fitting, given that I have the same ample butt issues she has. But, when all is said and done, I'd much preferred Brit Brit's 48-hour affair which, for the record, I came close to during one of many trips to Vegas (breathe, he was gay and I just thought it would be hilarious). But it happened and here I am in the ‘burbs living out my life on a grand stage in front of friends and family. While lucky to be surrounded by loved ones, it is the equivalent to walking around sans pants and everyone you know is watching.

In fact, I now consider myself the Mormon sister wife that my guy friends didn’t even see coming. It’s so lovely that I have the aid of multiple men including dear ol’ dad the hero to come help me. I’m stuck having to humble myself and accept help. It’s probably the most embarrassing place I’ve ever been in my life. In DC, when things got hard, it was way easier to hide with a smiling voice through the phone. I’m so good at that voice. What I’m not so good at is showing my face or living my life out in the public eye. For as many times as I’ve had to ask for help, it never gets easier and the humiliation never gets easier. If I said that out loud, I’d likely have a mixture of hands in the air or eye rolls telling me to not even go there.

I could say there’s really little sense in reviewing the past or how I got here. But I’ve done nothing but that over the past 6+ months. I spent most of the last year hanging on by a very thin thread in the game of life. If I can get to the point where life is not run by anxiety, panic attacks, medical issues or medications, I will consider myself a lottery winner. It’s led me on some interesting paths and even reconnecting with some of the characters in this blog – mostly ala High Fidelity-style to figure out where exactly I go wrong.

So where does that leave me today? Oddly, filled with a renewed sense of hope. I’ve learned there is always that moment when the clouds part and you see that tiny ray of light. Let me be the first to tell you to grab it if you’re lucky enough to see it.

Trust me when I tell you that I have no expectation of a white knight, Prince Charming or otherwise. After numerous go-rounds, the Universe has made it quite clear that shit like that does not happen to a girl like me. And even if it did, I would likely fuck it up anyway. But, I’ve been told the Universe will match whatever vibration you put out. And you can't fool the Universe. Because, I assure you I have tried and I have failed. Royally.

And therein lies the silver lining to failure. I had the courage to try and the balls to admit when I knew I had failed. But, I dust myself off and get back up. It’s a new day, a new world.

Or better put, I don’t know where I’m going, but I sure know where I’ve been.

(You can sing it with me… “here I go again on my own…”)

But you knew that, right? Because where would I be if not on my own?

Smooches,
G

G Version 3.0

Aloha Readers - 

As a fleet of people work once again to rebuild me, it’s nice to actually feel myself getting better and stronger. The new chapter is here and when the door closed, I jumped out the open window and haven’t looked back since.

A special shout out to the Universe for giving me a 48-hour hall pass that involved nonstop laughter and good times.  It’s been a long time since reality exceeded my expectations.

Thanks to all of you who made that happen – your help, support and love have made me come out the other side smiling. That was no small feat, as those of you who I let see me at my worst can attest. Text convo as example:

Me: “fair warning, I haven’t stopped giggling, laughing and smiling for the last 24 hours.”

Friend: "I'm warning you now - I'll believe when I see it, it's been awhile, but I'm so glad."

Let’s not fool ourselves; we all know there will be plenty of G antics and issues to come. But, for today, I’m happy to say I had my moment and will relish it.

Smooches to all,

G

Counting Blessings

There are many things that make me unlucky.  I am a klutz.  I’ve had some very interesting medical issues.  And, when it comes to being in love, well, it’s sort of like watching the Titanic sink with the burning 9/11 towers in the background.  Epic disaster.

And then there are those that make me among the luckiest people I know.  I have a crazy, yet lovable family.  I have a rather strong sense of humor and creativity.  I normally know how to make lemons from lemonade – or more realistically, I can make you a lemon drop shot.  And of course, I have many loving friends. There is a laundry list of those and it ranges from people I’ve known all my life to people I work with.  I’m not usually a person who asks for help but when I do it’s like watching an army assemble. 

Despite whom I chose as a romantic partner, I have a decent ability to choose the right people to surround myself with.  They are people that not only care about their friends but the well being of others they don’t even know.  How do I know that?

At a backyard BBQ, my friends and I watched a man running after a frantic dog.  At first we were concerned the dog got loose.  But then, we realized the dog was searching for someone.  My friend stopped the man who told him that his 8-year-old autistic son went missing.  Before he could finish getting the words out 4 of us were out of chairs racing out the door.  We searched the woods and a creek trying to see if the dog’s sense of scent was leading us anywhere.  Another friend jogged up a busy road to make sure the boy hadn’t gotten lost up there.  Fortunately, the boy was wearing a locating device and was found, unharmed within 15 minutes. 

Maybe a lot of people do things like that.  But, in this world, you don’t get to hear or even witness that every day.  Add in the layer where as you’re walking around realizing, these are just people, they are my friends - you find yourself feeling quite grateful.  Because if they are on a manhunt for someone they don’t know, imagine if they were looking for you.  It’s a feeling of security that truly can’t be matched by any one person or thing.  These are your people.  They have your back.  I wish everyone had that experience in his or her life, but sadly they do not.

These are the friends that hold your hand and let you silently weep, as you know that you’ll never be who they are – despite hoping or even trying to lead the “normal” life they lead.  No one wants to live on the Island of Misfit Toys, let alone be one of the toys.  But here I am, again.  And while it hurts knowing I’m the misfit, there is comfort in knowing that I’m loved regardless of that fact.  Living an ordinary life may never be in the cards for me… being loved by one person, having a family, these aren’t the hand I’ve been dealt. 

But, I have been blessed.  And I can appreciate that.  Instead of one loving person, I have an army of loving people.  Instead of my own child, I have a fleet of kids who still manage to always light up when they sing out “Hey Aunt G!”… And it’s a great feeling to have all that.  It’s one I don’t take for granted.

Here’s to the next chapter.

Smooches,

G

Once Upon a Time...

There was a girl who stopped believing in stories that started with "once upon a time"...

And so it goes.

Smooches,

G

Growing

The other day I was about to leave the house and grabbed my sweater hoodie. A giant (and really, not G's perception of giant - legit prehistoric size giant) spider was curled up and comfy on my white Chenile garment.

At first, I screamed the cry of my people, which goes a little something like "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. HOLY SH*!T SPIDER GOING TO KILL MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" and ran out of the room as if my pants were aflame.

But, after running to grab hairspray, I regrouped and realized that I could handle this. So, I ran back inside the room, looked at the spider and yelled, "STAY".  Then hurled myself downstairs and got the vacuum instead so there was no margin for error.

After figuring out how that thing even works, I got the longest attachment and I sucked up spider - and half my hoodie... but I DID IT.

And that, dear readers, is growing.

Smooches,
G

Time is Short and I Love You All

I wrote this awhile ago and some of you have seen it. But tonight, it seems appropriate since we lost a classmate. So grateful that I have so many of you to call my home. 

Tonight I went to Darlington House.  For those of you that remember it was the "fancy" place we ate dinner and then spent the night in the basement where we belong.  It's been about 10 months and it has been a whirlwind adventure.  Due to sickness, death and general chaos, I have never had my moment with any of you.  And those of you who know the moment know what I'm talking about.

I entered Darlington House and I was flooded with memories.  Mr.Magnus dancing to J. Timberlake.  Knowing it was Halloween and the East Coast's worst hurricane was approaching.  Would that stop my friends?  Hell freakin' no.  Neither would the fact that just a week before that I was in a hospital room eating the world's worst food and drinking half frozen fruit juice. I saw the pictures from Missy.  Oh goodness, I looked terrible.  Yet, despite me on an antibiotic for that week and weeks following, you were there.

You are always there.  Do you know how lucky I am?  How lucky we are?  I do.  I wish there were words or something to describe you all.  You're not just friends, you're not just family, you are MY LIFE.  And had my wedding solely been about me, I would've gotten up and said these very words.  

Each of you come with your own moment, your own story that attaches me and you forever.  I could list them, but at some point they would all intertwine and become the same thread.  

I don't want you to fret, I just want you all to know that I thank God and everyone else involved each day for each of you.  

There's no reason for me writing this right now.  No big epic drama.  I just love all of you.  So much.  And usually there is a Christmas party or a time that I get to tell you.  But, I never had that time.  So, I apologize for the email, but I am someone who likes to live for today.  And I just don't want to wait to tell you that I love you all.  Every day.  More than anything... maybe even more than I should.  But I don't care about that, I care that you guys know right now and forever how I will always feel.  It's not a dress, it's not an occasion, it's just because.  I love you and miss you all.  I hope we get to see you soon.

love you,

G  

Following Orders

It's not something I do, but when I get advice like this, it's hard not to:

"You need to stop doing what you think 'you are supposed to do' and do what you think. You have some of the most fantastic instincts in the world. Use them.

Be what you set the people you promote up to be.  Think and talk about yourself the way you do about others, because the fact is you are MORE impressive then you suggest they are."

Thank you my everlasting friend who has been saying this for more than half my life. I keep trying to prove you wrong, but I've yet to do it.

And thanks to all of you for having a place to call home even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Smooches,
G

To Robin Williams...

Whether the coverage of Robin William’s completed suicide has been overdone remains a debate. To me, celebrating the life of someone who has influenced the lives of others can never be done enough. But, among the most important things to remember about celebrating lives of those who passed is that it should never be solely about celebrating the lives of celebrities.

Celebrities are people. And while some people aspire to be a celebrity in his or her own right, I’d argue their lives are among the most difficult of all – especially given today’s realm of social media. I can’t imagine anyone would want to live the isolated life of being followed by paparazzi, having every word scrutinized and knowing that there are very few people around you that you can indeed trust. The minute you become “someone”, everyone wants to have a piece of you. They will agree with you no matter what you say.

Working with and meeting various levels of celebrities throughout my career, you realize that some get caught up in this world of being adored, while others do not.

But, to celebrate Robin Williams, shouldn’t be about celebrating his celebrity. While people post quotes of what characters he played have said, they should know that while he delivered the words and made them impactful, it is often that he didn’t not invent the words (even though he was known to improvise). What he did know, that can’t be replicated, was how to bring those words to life. The art of communication and delivering messages is what he knew. As PR professionals, we often tell our spokespeople, to be prepared. Have your talking points. Never have an original thought when you’re about to go on – whether that is TV, an interview or a presentation.

While it can be trained, Robin had an artistic instinct to create impactful delivery. And maybe his publicist and manager cringed when anyone would hand him a mic because they never knew what would happen. Or maybe they just enjoyed the ride.

That is Robin Williams, the celebrity. But, behind “the celebrity”, is Robin Williams, the now icon for mental health (or illness, depending on how you look at it). There is no question that his death re-ignited another debate about the state of mental health in the U.S. It’s a terrifying spot we’re in and if the ongoing mass shootings haven’t been enough to turn the tide, then maybe it will take the death of an influential celebrity to look at the need for care in this country. It has been said quite often that comedians are among the most depressed people. Their innate ability to use that as a springboard to make others laugh and smile is a gift that certainly not all who struggle with mental disorders can achieve. It’s fascinating to me that some people think that Robin was a coward that he “gave in” or “took the easy way out”. Completing suicide isn’t a fleeting thought. It isn’t an impulse. You don’t have a bad day and decide that’s it. It takes serious contemplation and is brought on by a state of mental health that would chill anyone who hasn’t experienced it to their very core. These aren’t “sick” people. They’re mostly people that function in every day society living with a huge secret for fear they will be called “crazy” if they tell the world how they really feel.

But beyond celebrity and now unintended voice for mental health that Robin Williams will be remembered for, is Robin Williams the human being. And if you celebrate nothing else about his life, you should celebrate the words he didn’t write, but the accomplishments he made. The most touching moments are the ones that aren’t scripted, not in a movie. Perhaps the best tribute or pieces of footage I’ve seen is Robin Williams as he reacts to a “retreat” while visiting troops overseas. Just watching the minute facial changes every second is mesmerizing. First its confusion, then slight fear, then sheer humility as he realizes there is something bigger than him that is taking place. After that, you see his expression change and the light bulb go off as if he’s thinking “how can I even make an impact on these people who are saving our lives… what can I say to brighten their day?” Yet, when his performance resumes, he nails it.

If you move beyond this footage, there is one brief clip where he talks about his experience with other service men. But again, it’s less about the jokes he makes about this experience. It’s when he pauses his conversation to turn, shake someone’s hand and say “did you get your photo that you needed? Good. Merry Christmas.”

You can see it here at the bottom of the article.

My point in all this is that I’m not real sure that many cowards or selfish people are ones that think to turn to someone and say that. And there is a wide number of people who believe that those that complete suicide are cowards or selfish. But in my experience, they’re often the ones that care more about others than they do themselves.

And that's my two cents.
Smooches, G

We're Bringing It Back.

Stay tuned, dear readers... stay tuned. It is time. Smooches, G