Life lesson

Never, ever f with Angela Bassett.

Hot Boy Summer

Of course, soon after I post about being on a sabbatical, the Universe loves to toy with me. I swear last weekend was crawling with hot dudes everywhere. Thinking I was hallucinating, I shared this with my sister and her bestie - which led to the three of us watching an impossibly buff, hot dude scrub down his boat. It continued on the water, where there were at least 5 boats full of legit, hot boys literally and figuratively, as the majority were shirtless (and, definitely were sharing their gifts). 

My therapist laughed about this and said it's a sign of what's waiting for me when I'm ready. 

I'm sticking to eye candy only (for now), but it's nice to know that I'm transitioning into dirty old lady territory. 

Smooches, 

G

Hmmm....

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."

- Carl Bard

I have to think on this one. It got me today.

Updated: If I have nothing else, it is character. :-)

"Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. " - Evan Esar My bad, I posted this quote already. Oopsie!  It’s a good reminder that people can take everything from you, except who you are.

Just keep swimming

Grief is not a straight trajectory. Adulting never gets easier.

"I still fuck up. Every single day, but you learn from it and you find a way to put one foot in front of the other and if you're lucky you don't fuck up in exactly the same way next time."

Jersey things

The great pizza debate continues… tonight's lesson is that non-Jerz people say "cheese pizza" when they mean plain. They also think that Hawaiian pizza is real.

We met in the middle - I will call a plain pizza, "cheese pizza" if they call anything outside the standard toppings a flatbread.

Thank goodness he's married to one of my best friends or that could've ended badly but I even let him drive my beloved Fred to pick up the "cheese pizza" and flatbread.

Ms. Mixologist

It's been said that I've missed my calling and that I have a natural ability for making cocktails.

For the last couple years, I have not been mixing anything, I would maybe have a cocktail if I went out, but mostly I drink wine or beer at a local brewery (save for my overindulgence on KW Mai Tais).

About a month ago, I remembered this amazing margarita that was made with fresh watermelon juice from a restaurant that has since closed and it put me on a mission.

I didn't even know you could buy bottled watermelon juice, and unfortunately, when I looked at that time, the only place that had it was Wegmans, which everyone knows I do not enter.

But I was heading to hang out with friends and I am not the type to show up empty-handed. As luck would have it I tried my beloved old people ShopRite, and they happened to have the bottle. I wasn't feeling very tequila that day so I decided that it would have to be watermelon mimosas.

It was an instant hit and has since been used by others at parties.

Yet, I still didn't make that margarita and found myself out of wine. Duty called.

I thought I would be rusty bc I haven't made cocktails in a while...but vodka with watermelon, pineapple and mango juice with a splash of Pelligrino. I still got it.

You heard it here first. When watermelon juice starts popping up on specialty cocktail lists…that's the power of Ms. Mary Popov!

The ghost in you

A man in my shoes runs a light
And all the papers lied tonight
But falling over you
Is the news of the day
Angels fall like rain
And love, love, love
Is all of heaven away (Love, love, love, love, love)

Inside you the time moves and she don't fade
The ghost in you, she don't fade
Inside you the time moves and she don't fade

A race is on, I'm on your side
And here in you, my engines die
I'm in a mood for you
Or running away
Stars come down in you
And love, love, love
You can't give it away (Love, love, love, love, love)

Inside you the time moves and she don't fade
The ghost in you, she don't fade
Inside you the time moves and she don't fade

Don't you go, it makes no sense
When all your talk and supermen
Just take away the time
And get in the way
Ain't it just like rain?
And love, love, love
Is only heaven away (Love, love, love, love, love)

Inside you the time moves and she don't fade
The ghost in you, she don't fade
Inside you the time moves and she don't fade
The ghost in you, she don't fade
Inside you the time moves and she don't fade
The ghost in you, she don't fade
Inside you the time moves

Facts

A Mother’s Day post

"We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they come."

I'm not a mother, at least not in the literal sense, but this quote hit deep.

I live in admiration of all the moms I know who have made this sacrifice and I'm grateful to be part of the girls now women who have shown us how far they can go and in awe of how far I know how they will go.

Being a "real" mom, that is just amazing. I am constantly amazed by their abilities.

Being a "bonus," whether it be an aunt, godmother or otherwise is a privilege and honor that I never take lightly.

Yikes…

This is fucking dark…but I love it.

Two Princes by the Spin Doctor

This is my favorite type of cherry tree and one still is right outside my parent's house. When I was a little girl, I would stand outside and love the petals surrounding me. I felt like a princess.

I'm sure most girls want to feel like a princess, and unfortunately, some learn that it's not all it's cracked up to be.

As per most Disney Princesses, there's always a catch.

In my first marriage, I was a princess. I had a fresh dozen roses each week with my groceries, nonstop gifts, the largest Christmas tree to be found. Even before that, my wedding was like a Disney princess…several of the dresses I tried on were from the Disney collection. My rehearsal dinner included Disney bride mouse ears. Have a magical day, everyone!

The problem with being this princess, was that I was trapped like Rapunzel without the long hair. The prince wanted me to be absolutely perfect, "speak when spoken to" all while holding the reality of my day job of 80+ hours a week plus travel. I was living life in a fog, asleep at the wheel while I worked and thought things would get better. They didn't.

Since I don't like being trapped this didn't work. Not entirely the prince's fault in the case, because not to trade princess stories but I stuffed myself into a glass slipper that was never mine. The prince also wasn't mine…a wrong fit right from the start…truth be told, I tried to break it off before marriage.

No happy ending…and the days of being a princess were over. I never thought of being a princess again.

Until, nearly a decade later, I found myself in a courtroom with an older male judge who looked at me with the kindest eyes and said something that would be burned into my brain for a lifetime…

"The pauper cannot marry the princess, and expect to walk away with half the castle."

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. It was the smartest, sanest thing I had heard after 15 months of madness.

Of having my heart broken for years, forgiving, being lied to, forgiving again, loving with my whole heart, changing my whole life to be present, being the absolute best wife I could be.

None of it mattered… because I didn't know the person who the judge was talking about and I sure as shit wasn't a princess. I was a rat in a cage begging to be freed. No glass slipper here. The judge and my lawyer didn't agree with my solution. "That's too much" and "you're too generous" was what I was told in the 1:1. It was neither. I needed to have the boot off my neck, even if it meant losing all that I had worked for when I was a princess and stuck working like a dog for the rest of my life. 

Recently, my friend who lost his husband said, "I'm happy about a lot that's happened, but my heart can't take this process again."

I replied, "that is exactly how I feel."

I tried to be a perfect princess, I tried to be a perfect wife. None of it mattered. I married someone who adored me to the point that that they put me in a tower and someone who I thought was my best friend…and both were fairy tales.

My first marriage sucked in a lot of ways, but the second one burned that much more. I lost someone that I trusted to be my best friend. Funny, my first husband never thought of me as his best friend…and obviously my second one didn't either.

I've lost faith in the "system"…I've lost faith in general. I've seen people find love, grow within their relationships…but for me, I'm out. At least for now, I'm on a sabbatical. If someone wants to find me, god speed but, let's be honest, if someone was looking for me I’m pretty sure they would've found me by now.