used, abused and so confused

While I would still much rather be rocking my own gypsy soul…unfortunately, here's the aspiration while I continue to await my release. Thoughts and prayers…as I continue the never ending climb out of the darkness. 

When all the dark clouds roll away

And the sun begins to shine

I see my freedom from across the way
And it comes right in on time
Well it shines so bright and it gives so much light
And it comes from the sky above
Make me feel so free, make me feel like me
And it lights my life with love

And it seems like and it feels like
And it seems like, yes it feels like
A brand new day
A brand new day
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I was lost and double crossed
With my hands behind my back
I was long-time hurt and thrown in the dirt
Shoved out on the railroad track
I've been used, abused and so confused
And I didn't have nowhere to run
But I stood and looked
And my eyes got hooked
On that beautiful morning sun

And it seems like, yes it feels like
And it seems like, oh yes it feels like
A brand new day
A brand new day
Yeah, yeah

And the sun shines down all on the ground
Yeah, and the grass is oh so green
And my heart is still and I've got the will
And I don't really feel so mean
Here it comes, here it comes
Here it comes right now
And it comes right in on time
Well it eases me and it pleases me
And it satisfies my mind

And it seems like, yes it feels like
And it seems like, yes it feels like
A brand new day
A brand new day
Yeah, yeah, yeah
A brand new day

Seems like a brand new day
Feels like a brand new day
Seems like a brand new day
Feels like a brand new day
Seems like a brand new day

Best believe

My love of glitter is forever… I can still make the whole place shimmer.

You’re welcome, America

We'll take this way too far…

There’s someone for everyone

Or some saying…I have a lot of someones out there. But, my 1/3 knows me way better than anyone should. By now, she's likely found my Easter egg hunt that I left for her here.

1/3 - thank you for all the music that is now on repeat. Thank you for being exactly who you are - authentic, kind, genuine. Thank you for loving me as much as I love you.

That's one of the more magical things about not having your own kids, but watching these, now young adults, grow up. Each one of them is fearless in their own way, with a distinct personality. And, as far as I can tell, they're never afraid to be exactly who they are.

That's a choice I made years ago, and it's a hard one. Conforming was never in the cards for me and has only led to my failures. But, those aside, I've never been ashamed to be who I am…quirky, weird with a voice that sounds like a Muppet. I laugh too loud, too hard and yes, I do, in fact, sing unabashedly throughout my old people ShopRite when grocery shopping. I'm the person who years after it was cool screams YOLO and runs out of a car to jump on swings on the beach as I look up at the stars.

You can love me, maybe you hate me…or a healthy mix of both, but it's something that can never be taken away.

It's funny…before these kids that I consider a part of me were around, I spent my time mentoring interns. And amazingly, although they are now either my equals career wise or well beyond me, one still calls every New Year's at midnight - no matter where he is. Another has to text me if there's a political debate on or something amusing that we can still laugh about 15 years later.. and just recently, yet another called for career advice. We haven't worked together or even seen each other for 7 years, but I was her first call. I still keep the handwritten thank you note from her right by my desk, to remind me that my actions make a difference. An hour of my time to help her think, tell her all the pitfalls I fell into and remind her of her worth, meant a lot to her, but probably more to me.

I could spend my time in sadness - I have plenty to be upset about…I could be angry, and the people who love me would find that more than justified at the moment. But, that's not who I am and there's little point my wasting my time on the awfulness that keeps trying to tear me down and creep in, when I can push back with love and hope in my heart.

And while that's priceless, it's only found when you are your authentic self and have spent a lifetime cultivating an amazing tribe of friends and family who embrace you with love and support.

Every day.

https://youtu.be/D_Vg4uyYwEk

Heartfelt thanks

Despite everything, I continue to find ways to be grateful for the little things. So, thank you to everyone who has helped me. This has always been one of my favorite songs…

Some days are diamonds 

Some days are rocks 
Some doors are open 
Some roads are blocked 

Sundowns are golden 
Then fade away 
But if I never do nothing 
I'll get you back some day 

'Cause you got a heart so big 
It could crush this town 
And I can't hold out forever 
Even walls fall down 

And all around your island 
There's a barricade 
It keeps out the danger 
It holds in the pain 

Sometimes you're happy 
Sometimes you cry 
Half of me is ocean 
Half of me is sky 

But you got a heart so big 
It could crush this town 
And I can't hold out forever 
Even walls fall down 

And some things are over 
Some things go on 
And part of me you carry 
Part of me is gone 

But you got a heart so big 
It could crush this town 
And I can't hold out forever 
Even walls fall down 

Baby you got a heart so big 
It could crush this town 
And I can't hold out forever 
Even walls fall down 
They fall down

Light bulb!

When you're on your own, sometimes it's just better to laugh at your mistakes. Today's lesson: all light bulbs are not the same size.

But at least I still have the historical lesson I learned that a raw potato does not, in fact, remove a broken bulb from a fixture. Thanks again to my DC security guard for coming to my rescue back then. Sadly in the burbs, I rescue myself which involves yet another Amazon return.

Heeee-yaaa!!

I don't start shit, but I can tell you how it ends 

Future

Someday, I'll be living in a big old city

Adulting

I should not be left to my own devices
They come with prices and vices