God put me on sabbatical. If you're knew me even 3 years ago, you wouldn't believe those words were coming out of my mouth. Me - talking about God? The furthest that used to go was "here's proof that Sweet Baby Jesus hates me"... yes, that was my attitude. I'm now faced with way too much undeniable truth that I'm not hated, I just hated listening.
I never understood how to pause, let alone stop. I missed all the signs - the chronic sickness, the complete collapse, the never-ending hamster wheel run...so, I was finally put on hold.
I had no idea that it would last this long. I had no idea how much life I missed...all the times I thought "well I'm here for this event at least". I was there, just wasn't present.
I have a new level of appreciation for so many things. I've been able to be present and open. Constantly humbled by all the wonder and love that I'm enveloped by in my life. Again, knowing it was there, but never truly appreciating it. My family, while still crazy, is amazing, supportive and loving. My friends - so abundant with awesomeness and love. I've met so many new people...and I have my furry best friend that I've always dreamed of.
I've grown patience! Not for others, because I had a good amount of that. But for myself. I make time for myself...heck, I can honestly say I even love myself. I still struggle with my confidence, but who doesn't?
And all this helps me be the best possible partner to my love. He who lifts me up when I'm down, bears with me when I can't find the strength. But it's not just that...it's spending every day knowing that people wish for a lifetime for what I get to appreciate every day. My superhero, my best friend, my partner in crime...my good/bad idea bear...the one who follows my crazy and goofy. Every day is not perfect, but it is awesome. Sometimes we cry, but rare is the day that we don't laugh and smile about something...no matter how small.
There are days that I don't see all this. I'm not a fan of those days, but when the sky clears and I get hit over the head with all life's blessings...I'm shedding a tear and kneeling in humility and thankfulness.
I'm still waiting for my sabbatical to end. I know it will be bittersweet. But I also know how much I truly have to live for...and that is something few people fully understand.
