Gina You Suck (aka Getting Back on Track)

As most years, 2016 has not been off to the blockbuster start. Facebook reminds me that the best way for me to start a year is to go to an island and sit for a week (I did enjoy my 2011 Aruba trip with B). Alas, that was not in the cards.

For the last two weeks, when I haven’t been dormant, quiet or crying, I’ve been singing the Forgetting Sarah Marshall song, “Peter You Suck,” see clip, but I guarantee you know it.

I’ve fallen down on the job of taking care of G, for many decent reasons that when I have to face the mirror, don’t matter. I picked up some old vices this summer. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. 

I had been writing this blog for a few months now with a particular audience in mind. This blog is supposed to be a reflection of me... holding me accountable, which I’ve also lost sight of. I’m not sure anyone ever wants to hold themselves accountable when things aren’t going quite right – but, even I can try my hand at being the adultier adult once in awhile.

The montage that follows the “Suck” song is the clip I can’t find, but where I’m trying to be – which is starting over. I need to hit the reset button and I’ve started today. I spent the last few weeks building toward this but I pushed the pedal to the floor and tried to tackle life the way I drive.

My house is stocked full of fresh food. The gym has been joined. My first personal training session is tomorrow. I have the necessary doctor appointments lined up. The job search is in full force, despite going way too slow for my liking. The closets are getting cleaned. Piles of things are lined up for me to sell. Mentally, I’m trying to keep myself sharp with my jeopardy watching, book reading and my writing. I’m attempting to limit my binge TV watching.

I promised myself a few months back that I needed to get back to me, better myself, even find myself... again. I lost sight of that goal trying to hold on to things that I want so badly. I forever am the square peg trying to jam itself in the hole that doesn’t fit. (I know, but I really didn’t mean that dirty).  I need to let go, focus on the things that I can control and pray that everything will fall into place when it is supposed to do so. (Yes, it is really me saying this – for those of you laughing because you know that patience is a virtue that alludes me.)

Here comes my best try, friends. We’re not quite at the Hail Mary pass, but, we’re close.

To end on a relevant quote, “I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring” - David Bowie.

I will keep you posted as I go.

My love to all...

Smooches,

G