The Quest to Replace Pink Phone

Hi all -

Finally through the birthday blues and on the quest to replace Pinky, the piece o' poo phone. This is WAY harder than I thought... I'm waiting to be banned from calling Verizon because I call daily asking questions, basically about every model of phone they carry... I've also enlisted several people including Mr. Ray, Former Roomie and Nicole... I still can't decide.

I *think* I've narrowed it down now to the LG enV2 or the Verizon SMT 5800... but I have no clue what the difference is despite receiving a whole bunch of consumer reporting links which were more confusing than the phones' descriptions and the Verizon customer service reps - both the ones by phone and oh, I also did an online chat with someone named Janiya...

All I want is a phone that doesn't die everytime I walk in my apartment with full keyboard, text messaging and email capabilities. This should NOT be that hard... somehow it turns out I need to downgrade in minutes and still pay $40 more a month to make this happen.

I hate technology... and to answer the "why no Blackberry" question... it looks way too hard to hold as a phone, and w/o a land line, I'm not spending 2 years with a phone that requires me to have extra massages due to neck pain... although the extra massages may be a good idea.

I need help, my peeps. Help!

Smooch -
G

GBAS Strikes Back...

Well, kids, GBAS struck again. I didn't think it was possible for my birthday to suck more than when I was stood up at sweet 16, but double the number, equaled double the suckage. And, really, that's all I'm going to say about it. I've been holed up all weekend in my apartment getting it over it through a mixture of therapeutic coach potato-ing and cleaning.

Thanks to those of you who remembered my birthday - really liked the messages and the cards. And sorry for those of you who called this weekend that I didn't talk to... just really wasn't in the mood to bring my Debbie Downer-ness to the masses.

The good news is that it's all up hill for the next 360-something days, but I'm also making a mental note to steer clear of 48 - because I don't think I can deal with triple suckage. And yes, grammar freaks, suckage is a word - so suck on that.

Down for the count, but not defeated, I remain your favorite underdog.

Smooch -
G

PS - I know I still owe details of the San Fran trip... its coming, I promise.

San Fran - the (edited) visuals.

Some of these pictures tell it all, but you'll have to wait for the good stuff in my Tips of San Francisco entry.

Coast to Coast...

And back... Hi all. Alot of fun stories to recount from my trip to Cali. It's 11 PM and so far today I've been in 4 cities - San Francisco, Cincinnati, Philadelphia and finally, DC. \I'm a mixture of tired and wired... going through a grand total of 527 emails and doing laundry.... Yawn.

Promise to have the unaltered pics and the tales to come.

A big cyber hug to my travel partner in crime... we hit the West and had a blast... thanks Nicole!

smooch,
g

Quickie

Just a quick hi... leaving for San Fran on Friday... Jersey weekend was crazy fun - celebrated my aunt's 80th bday... gotta love a woman who can hang until the wee hours of the morning and a family who parties all night... I owe the Drinking Gods a big thanks for letting me combine margaritas, mojitos, beer and shots of sambuca and tequila... without getting me sick... exhausted, yes.... loss of voice for playing the videogame Rockstar by screaming lyrics into a microphone at 2 am... yep... but no stomach pumping after that dreadful mix. Oh - and I played pool with someone who learned from Minnesota Fats and a few other biggies... sah-weet.

Work has been nuts, I hop on a train to philly tomorrow night, then i'm off at 4 am to the philly airport for my 6 am flight to sam clam's disco.

oh - and boy update... mr. feb has been on me like white on rice, but i's got no time for games... date with Christmas Tree Namer went eh... I no likey first dates anymore... but, it was ok... he's wicked smart - way too smart for me... used to write economic policy for criminey's sake. i don't even know what that is.

at any rate... miss and love you all... i have a few pics from the party i will post when i get back and stories....

and of course, i better have at least one good tale from san fran.

smooch.
g

July is Just a State of Mind...

Ok - some updates and a look at why you haven't and won't hear much from me...

1. My blog was not accepted to the publishing place I submitted to... at least, I'm pretty sure. Ah well... someone will pick me up, don't y'all worry.

2. Boys. Ugh. Very little here... Mr. February is about as irregular as someone who ate too much cheese, but I do hear from him... Oh and I never heard from the date I never told the story about that involved weaponry... I have no clue anymore on boys, so I've dubbed this a boy-free month. Really. I know, it won't last, blah blah blah. **

3. GBAS. It's coming folks... Gina's Birthday Always Sucks. For a first in my life, I will spend the day working. No joke. What's better? The partners of the agency are coming that day. Hope they don't mind seeing a grumpster who is prepared to drink her dinner.

4. My homesickness. Was briefly cured after a lovely visit w/The Doyles and Ranieris... ah, nothing feels more like home than strolling into the Sea Isle pad and having a morning rum n coke. Also, while I made fun of his creativity... I have to say that watching Schmotty fly a kite using a fishing rod... priceless. And darn it all, I forgot my camera.

5. Stop using Amtrak. Damn train costs have jumped to ridiculous new highs. I have to take a train Saturday instead of tomorrow b/c the price drops $40. Oy.

So - why haven't I blogged... well, here is a look at the July G tour:

July 3 - 7: Ocean City, NJ
July 12 - 14: Mt. Laurel/Jersey Shore (VIP bday party - more details to follow)
July 17: Philadelphia
July 18: Depart Philly at 6 AM for San Fran
July 18 - 22: San Fran
July 22: Arrive Philly 5 PM; depart Philly 7 PM to DC
July 23-24: DC
July 25: Mt. Laurel for bday wknd (*tentative!)

Yea - I have my work cut out for me this month. Sorry if you're missing the bloggy, but I promise August will be slooooooow and entry plentiful.

Much love,
G

**Ok - so maybe not entirely boy-free... I did meet someone who not only named his iPod, but also provided me with a perfect tree name for this year's tree. That's sorta love at first sight.

Homesick

I went out last night with a co-worker and one of her friends from her hometown... It was so fun to listen to them talk about hometown stuff - the drunken nights, the crazy parties, the diner-type joints... Ah, I miss good ol' days in Mt. L... ok, I miss all of Jersey.

Why Scoot wins the Maid of Honor Title...

No one else sends me a troll doll that resembles a wooden parrot from our trip to Jamaica.

:-)

Love ya Scotty...

-G

Future Ms. Kittens...

As if I'm not proud enough that my adorable niece learned to wear a boa at only 16 months, she's also a candidate to be on the cover for Parents magazine...

Click here and go vote, people! She's adorable!

Other than that... all about my day from Hell...

You can say that Jesus loves everyone... here is today's case as to why I know I'm not included in that list.

Injure myself at gym, while trying to climb over rowing machine, which is broken and falls on G's calf, causing a softball size welt on my leg. Spend day with leg propped on computer to balance ice pack to reduce swelling.

Fail for second time to try to get lunch at favorite taco place. Last time was because of flooding that shut down the restaurant, today the line was over 30 minutes long. Considering my Thai place was shut down for weeks due to fire, I'm now the Grim Reaper of DC eateries.

Get screamed at by contractor because they are late with their contract renewals. *Leave office and exclaim I'm going to take a flying leap off the top of the building.

Freak out on Mr. February for not returning my texts, by sending nasty text messages. Realize, when I get the text that says "hmmm... you must be out of town, because I haven't heard from you"... that my crap-ass phone apparently no longer sends text messages to people. Although I called Mr. Feb, when he receives all the nasty text messages I did send, guessing this may be the last I hear from him.

Remember - Jesus loves you... not me, but definitely, you.

Smooch,
G

I LOVE this Town...

I know I haven't travelled there yet, but any place that I get to go see this "play" has to rock. Ah San Fran - you and I are gonna get along just fine.

Many thanks to my travel planner and companion, Nicole, who not only hooked us up for this, but also has a trip to the Coppola vineyards on the docket... Sah-WEET!

Smooch,
G




Point Break LIVE!, is the absurdist stage adaptation of the 1992 Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze extreme-sports blockbuster that tells the story of former College football star, Johnny Utah, in pursuit of the surfing, bank robbing, skydiving, bare-hand-fighting adrenaline-junkie-cum-Zen-master Bodhi Sattva. Since it's Seattle debut in 2003, Point Break Live! has 'rawked' sell-out crowds in Minneapolis, and New York City, and it continues strong after six-months in Los Angeles to rave reviews, with all shows sold out two weeks in advance.

Point Break LIVE! features armed robbery, big-wave surfing, car chases, explosions, no less than two extended skydiving sequences and an indoor monsoon. This "action" play offers a true cathartic experience, putting you in the water with the surfers, throwing you out the door of an airplane, and robbing you at gunpoint. Add in the hotness factor - surfer dudes and female stunt doubles - and you have a night of live theater that rivals anything by Samuel Beckett in terms of pure excitement and energy.

The starring role of Johnny Utah is selected from the audience each night, and reads their entire script off of cue-cards. This method manages to capture the rawness of a Keanu Reeves performance, even from those who generally think themselves incapable of acting. The fun starts immediately with the "screen test," wherein the volunteer Keanus (usually 5-15 men and women vie for the role), go through a grueling audition process. The part is then cast via Applaus-o-Meter.

The audience doesn't just watch Point Break LIVE!; they are in it. So, "Survival Kits " are issued before the start of the show. "Survival Kits " contain items to help audience members participate in "the ultimate ride," and include a plastic emergency poncho to protect the viewers from the action that literally spills forth from the stage. It's a messy show, it's suggested you leave your fineries at home, but, that's part of the fun, Brah.

Action, you say? There's so much action, it can't be contained in the theater! The stage action is videoed and played through a real-time live feed on TV monitors set to the side of the stage. Via the "Keanu Kam ," the audience can keep track of the volunteer Keanu when the action bursts out onto the street! At the end of the performance, the "volunteer Keanu," is handed a VHS tape of his or her performance.

Will you have fun? We can slap ourselves on the back all day long till we dislocate our shoulders, but we'd rather let a batch of credible 'Jimmy Olsens' put in some rawkin' knarly props about Point Break Live!

The Real Reason for Not Getting a Blackberry

I recently had another conversation with the lovely folks at Verizon Wireless. The guy laughed for a good two straight minutes when I told him I was calling for two reasons: 1) to find out my package options for getting a Blackberry and 2) to inform the people at Verizon that I intend to take my crap-ass pink phone (yes, the same one that I just HAD to have) outside and beat it with a wiffle bat until it was entirely destroyed.

I'm a mere month away from my upgrade time, so I've been wavering on the whole Blackberry situation. People have mixed opinions, most think it will turn me into an even bigger workaholic, which really didn't convince me.

What did convince me this morning was the realization that I do not need to have any device that makes it any easier to communicate when I'm inebriated. Not only did I send numerous text messages about the excitement of my trip to Cali, I also managed to LOG ON to my computer (guess I can remember passwords despite my state of sobriety) AND send grammatically correct emails that I shouldn't be sending to people I definitely shouldn't be emailing.

Yea - having the ability to do that and not even leave the bar/restaurant? Danger, Will Robinson, Danger.

Smooch!
-G

That's Cheetah Kittens Red...

I was asked recently where the nickname "Cheetah Kittens" came from and what it means. Well - like most things that are completely fabu, I can't really define what being Ms. Kittens means persay and it was a rather foggy night in Vegas when I was christened with the nickname... While I can't define it... I can tell you that Ms. Kittens has finally found her hair color, after many, many years of searching.



*Yea, I'm literally on the phone talking about how fabulous the new color is...

A place to leave my heart...

San Francisco, kids!! Yahoooooooooooo. That's right, in a pre-emptive strike to eliminate GBAS (G's bday always sucks) , I just booked a trip to San Fran in July with Ms. Nicole!!

I'm going to Cali, baby!!!

Details to come!

Office Space

I really wish that I could write in detail about where I work... but, I have a mortgage to pay and can't really afford to get shit-canned, as I believe the expression goes.

Henceforth therefore, I must rely on the stories of other people, to make you laugh. NOTE: Do not read this while eating, but enjoy!!

Thanks to this lovely contributor and hopefully new Bloggy reader.

Smooch!
-G



So here's the latest from my office.


*Someone* is angry: There is a phantom booger-wiper in the ladies' room. The culprit wipes boogies on the stall walls. Complaints were made, so now security is involved. They got the plain clothed undercover women in there, it's a whole thing. So we are at the edge of our seats, wondering who it is! We know it's someone from the other side of the floor, b/c they had the same problem when they were on the 50th floor. Well. She is getting cocky (pun). Yesterday, someone, and we are certain it's the booger lady, left a load of dookie OUTSIDE the ladies room entrance. Yes, kiddies, in the hallway. So the whole security team is up here, they covered the poo with a box--which kills me-- and I am sure launched an in-depth investigation. I'm waiting for them to bring in the hounds. This has happened before, when someone crapped the floor in the Ladies', but we chalked that up to an emergency or bad aim. (God, did that STINK. Ugh.) Now I am not so sure.


Could you imagine? I think they should do DNA testing.


I decided that I am going to work up a profile of this stealth bomber. So far all I have is that it's a woman. haha! Seriously, I think it's a woman, she is possibly a loner, b/c I couldnt do that and not be like, "hey you guys, guess what i did!??" you know? I also think she may be overweight. Dont know why, call it a hunch. I also think she may wear dresses, so she can just be like, plop, and move on.


Anyway, I'll keep you posted. [cue Law and Order theme]

Strangest Week Ever...

As if a gunman in the bushes across the street from work wasn't enough - the power has to go out causing me to climb a million steps. But - it doesn't end there - after finally getting back and forth to work, I get a call from Mr. February who wants to come over. I explain that I have friends coming over, and he decides that's perfect, he wants to meet them. Huh? Since when do boys meet my friends? What's worse, my friends really liked him - and I now actually know things about him... like where he went to school, what he does for a living.

I had to balance all this bizarro world out, so as my motto goes, "when in doubt, head out with Senor Ray". We went to the HonFest in B'more... the same lovely folks who gave me my 2007 Christmas fun, gave me a day of beads, boas, blue drinks and beehives.... Yahoo!

And as always, you can tell I'm having no fun at all:







If that's not enough to prove how miserable I was... check out these:



Hee hee... enjoy all! And thanks again Mr. Ray! Never a dull, even remotely normal moment. :-)

Smooooooch-
G

Arrrrrgh. And Happy Friday the 13th...

After a lovely jog up and down the non-working Dupont Circle escalators, I learned the Metro is completely out of service. No cabs anywhere at the moment, just flocks of people on the street. I'm working from home.

And yep, more po-po.

BTW - for those who think I overdramatize, view the whole mess here. And my fav part:

Metro shut down the Dupont Circle stations at 9:25 a.m. after riders started having problems making the climb. Because they decided it was more fun prior to 9 AM to let people climb down and then back up...

Dupont Circle's longest escalators, at Connecticut Avenue and Q Streets, NW, are 188 feet long.

"This is the deepest Metro station in the city, so they're having to walk up a number of stairs," says D.C. Fire and EMS spokesman Alan Etter.

Etter says it's treating nine people, all complaining of being overheated. One man was taken to the hospital after his defibrillator went off, Etter said.

188 feet, both ways... that's like, a lot of feet for G to climb... 376 to be exact.


Yours in sweatiness,
G

Even More Po-Po!

Never a dull moment, kids. So - tonight, I was the last to leave my office (shocking, I know). I get to the lobby to say good night to my favorite security guard and she is glued to the window. And who wouldn't be, I look out at it looks like a scene from a Die Hard flick... the entire street is blocked off by cops, cop cars - marked and unmarked... men in bullet proof vests, large Suburbans.

Of course - I looked for my dad. Only kidding!

I was taken aback by the spectacle. So, I ask my security guard to give me the scoop. Apparently, a crazy man with a gun jumped out of the bushes across the street from my building. I guess that's what you get when you work a few blocks from the Capitol.

Seems no matter where I work, I'm always attracting the crazies, and of course, the po-po.

Smooch -
G

Who's Who

Well kids, my time has come... I got a letter today that I have been nominated for Cambridge Who's Who Among Executive and Professional Women (the Honors Edition no less). Clearly, they must be having trouble filling this book. I'm half kidding - before I get comments that say "oooh, you're selling yourself short", these books are usually designed so chumps like me apply then pay money to get listed. And of course, IF I get in the book - you bet I'll do it... because frankly, that takes care of a lot of Christmas gift giving. (Hey, at least my name would be in it, its better than donating money in your honor for some tree) :-)

Alright, alright, so it's a fun little letter... but if given the chance here are some other Who's Who lists I'd rather be on:

--Who's Who of Professional Poker Players (additional training required)
--Who's Who of Awesomest Pool Players (much more practice required)
--Who's Who of Mixologists in Training (look out, I've gone beyond just intoxicating people to making concoctions that are drinkable!)
--Who's Who of Professional Dress Buyers/Cute Dress Wearers (pretty sure I could take this one - especially with the new $400 charge that just happened to show up from the Gap)

And of course, let's not forget my Nobel Peace Prize for my theory "Creating World Peace through Pizza, Bowling and Beer", which will pay off one day. Mock me if you will, but if I can show testimonials of creating joy and happiness by spreading words like fucktard, pack o'tards and el douche baggy-o, then anything is possible.

Ah - I see it now... Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, Nelson Mandela and G -- posing for pictures, bowling balls in hand... at the Erlton Bowl in South Jersey (ok, ok... I'd upgrade to Lucky Strike - but I wouldn't be happy about it).

Smooches all!
-G