Breakin' All the Rules

Guilt has overtaken me, so despite dull throbbing pain in my head, I will divulge the rest of my weekend.

I managed to break several basic rules this weekend and being that I live to serve as an ongoing PSA for y'all, I will cover so that you can learn from mistakes.

Rule #1 - The Drunk Dial
This is the Golden Rule of drinking. Never, ever decide that after several hours of drinking that you need to call someone and tell them a. you're thinking about them or b. you love them and want to have their babies. Ever. Especially, if this is someone who when you are sober would not want to talk to you or vice versa. Although I didn't ask her permission, I will reveal Nicole's remedy to this issue which may make her a millionaire one day soon. Nicole has invented the "drunk dial cell phone breathalyzer". This breathalzyer would judge your level of intoxication and would only allow outgoing calls to 911 and your mother. Sheer brillance if you ask me. Roomie added an upgrade which would be an operator who acts as a screener and has a 5-second delay on your calls. Therefore, if you managed to fool the breathalzyer, you'd have someone that would monitor and disconnect you whenever appropriate.

Rule #2 - Re-Entry
Never re-enter the same bar in the same night. I broke this rule by re-entering the same bar, not once, but twice. Making matters worse, due to yet another blow off by super spy (Papua New Guinea strikes again?) and my newly discovered Bermuda Triangle superpower, I have lost the will to care when it comes to boys. After all, I'm never going to see or hear from them again, so why not just be as crazy as I really am? With my cell phone in lock down and several drinks into the night, my theory seemed even more brillant. So, brillant in fact, that I decided that the bartender needed my phone number. What I wasn't expecting, was re-entering the bar two more times after giving it to him. As Roomie would say, "Oot."

Rule #3 - Pseudonyms
Pick a fake name/number and go with it. This takes practice. Also, don't tell people that you are telling them your fake name and further more, don't also give out fake names to those around you (like the bartenders). Alcohol is a truth serum, people. Look out.

Hope everyone enjoyed the much needed sunshine.

Smooch,
G