(Wo)man V. Bug

A lot of people get off work at 9 pm... they also get to say things like "what size did you want that in?" or "did you want fries with that?"

At any rate -- my final post before vacation kids... a great tale to tell about me and my pal, Hoppy the bug.

I ran into Hoppy a few weeks ago, after a particularly rough day. He was crusin' my hall closet. I said to Hoppy, "Dude.. enjoy the new carpet, but please, tomorrow, just get out of my way to the bathroom."

Hoppy complied. A week or so later, Hoppy appeared through the living room. Again - I asked him to leave; ran back to my room and gave him his space, and sure enough, when I came out, Hoppy had hit the road again.

Then, a few days ago, I saw Hoppy, this time he was by my stereo and coffee table, cruising thru Schelissa's CDs that I have yet to return to her. This time, Hoppy spotted me and walked off.

I realized that Hoppy had overstayed his welcome and convinced a pal to be pest control last night and inspect my place. We looked in every crevice and no Hoppy. I figured Hoppy moved on to one of the newly renovated units in my building.

Until this morning.

Racing around, late for my doctor, I go to run into the living room and turn off the A/C (believe or not it is still hot as heck down South), and there, right in front of my front door, is Hoppy.

I screech, rush back into my room and explain to Hoppy that he's gotta move, that I'm running late.

Hoppy doesn't budge. Apparently, he caught on to the antics of me trying to seek him out last night and he's visibly pissed. I finally attempt to move Hoppy along by throwing a shoe at him. Hoppy hops closer to me. So, I throw another shoe. This time, Hoppy backs up a little, but not enough for me to run out the door.

I throw a hat. Hoppy doesn't budge. I throw a heavier shoe, which nails the closet (lovely on the new paint job, btw). Hoppy STILL doesn't budge.

Realizing that I'm now running really late and a prisioner in my own home... I race to the bathroom to grab my bug killer (aka Rave Megahold). And then, I realize, I'm smack dab in the middle of a moral dilemma:

Kill bug and wreck paint job or make a break for the door, knowing that Hoppy could hop on me.

Having gone thru blood, sweat, tears, pipe bursts and water damage, I realize that I can't let Hoppy get the better of me and I have NO choice, but to make a break.

Holding my hairspray in one hand, I stand as close to my front door as I can without getting in Hoppy's way, and then, I swing open the door from the other side (hoping Hoppy would hop out, but no such luck)... I slowly grab my keys, which are VERY close to where Hoppy is looking at me and hissing (I'm convinced it was a hiss), drop the can of hairspray and leap out the door.

Boy, the construction crew that's renovating this place sure did get a kick out of that leap.

Hoppy cut me a break tonight and was out of sight this evening, allowing me to pack and get ready for my trip... and thanks to the lovely folks at Amtrak, I've spent $122 to buy the last ticket on the Acela, the ONLY train not sold out for tomorrow night.

So kids, as I lay me down to sleep, I ask that y'all wish me good vibes for no Hoppy tomorrow morning and that I actually get out of work tomorrow to make this train.

Last post before vacation -- hope you enjoyed.

Big smooches until I return -

G