I'm not exaggerating when I tell you, I've pondered every way possible to off myself over the past few days. Clorox, jumping in front of a bus... overdose (very hip right now)... What's sadder is realizing exactly how I'd fuck up each way, which would be way more embarrassing than actually killing myself.
I've been a Grumpy Gus, that's no secret. Sorry to those who've been facing the brunt, but when I finally get in a position to laugh and explain the full story, you'll all be happy by entries.
So, what is slowly pulling me out of the funk? I got an entire group of clients and colleagues to agree that I should be taking more mind-altering drugs on a conference call today. Gimp (that's me) listened intently to the call - which was basically the same call I've heard over and over again for almost a year -- we're trying to name a campaign and have been for months on end.
Losing all ability to have a gag reflex thanks to the megadoses of pain pills, G says, "hey what about X - which has to remain under wraps but basically was an acronym that equated to five relevant words that name the campaign"
Dead silence.
"Crap. Knew I shoulda stayed quiet."
"Who said that?!" - Client says.
shit.
"I did," says G. "Sorry, just off the top of my head."
"That could NOT have been off the top of your head." client says.
"Really, it was. I'm sorry."
"No. Couldn't be. Do you have any idea how GOOD that was?" client says.
"Um, really it was... I'm taking massive amounts of drugs right now b/c I broke my shoulder." - G says.
"Ok, next mtg, everyone gets some of G's drugs." - client says. Everyone agrees. Team comments include "I'm stunned." "There's nothing I can add to this." "G, you can go home now" (from the boss)
Yea, well, I guess kids, everyone has a talent. Mine is to make the world a happier place via mind alteration and self-deprecating humor. Clearly, it's why you people continue to read.
BTW, OPEN INVITE to HELP ME. I'll take any type of help people can give... rather desperate for the following:
-laundry
-hairdresser
-clothing
-grocery shopper
Horoscope:
Have the confidence to do what you want today -- don't be afraid to boldly go where you've never gone before. Sure, you might not know how everything works at first, but that doesn't have to put you at a disadvantage. After the first five minutes, your nerves will stop jangling, and you'll even start to feel a sense of accomplishment. Take a deep breath, and then step out of your comfort zone -- and relish that 'Wow! I can really do this!' sensation
Smooch,
G
No comments:
Post a Comment