All that said - one of his most entertaining qualities is Schmeffster's love and belief of conspiracy theories. He's the same guy who brought us the midget theory and post 9/11, he's the same guy who took a detailed account of every single PATH stop noting any packages or bottles. So, it came to no surprise to me, that Schmeff had another theory recently about some black metal boxes being placed around NYC. Usually Schmeff would test these theories out on me and Schmotty - so we could answer his fears or squash his logic. But alas - no longer a NYC gal, it seems this time, he took his theory to a mass public via blast email.
So - without much further ado, I give you Schmeff's latest theory. Normally, I would add some editor's notes to his thoughts, but well, it just stands perfectly on its own. If you people can't see just how funny this guy is from this email, then I will continue to try to convince you. But to me, knowing just how much time this occupied his mind with a mixture of fret and curiousity, cracks me up - mostly because I'd see something like this, get concerned, then look up and see something shiny or a puppy and all would be forgotten.
Finally - happy birthday Schmeffy... man, you're old. :-) Just kidding... ya know I love you!
And to all the people who also complained of twitchy eye to me today... I do feel slightly better that I'm not the only person who looks like a twitchy eye, crazed pirate out there.
Smooch -
G
The Black Box Theory - by Schmeffy
As a good amount of you know, I have been a little troubled recently by the unexplained appearance of these short black metal...apparently electrified monoliths that have been appearing on our streets over the past months. First, they started to appear on the streets around the 17th Street office. Then, I saw them scattered throughout the West Village. And now there is one right outside our own door!
For those of you that haven't seen them, they are a mere three feet tall and have 4 short metal posts that arise from the top. Posts that I can only describe as looking like leads that you would find atop a car battery. You are inclined to inspect further but quickly you notice that there is a sign hidden beneath the posts warning you what will be the result of your unchecked curiosity. An image (pictured below) that almost suggests Zeus himself will strike you down for questioning his Olympic power!
But what could it be? Would the city of New York, or someone else for that matter, actually install pint sized lightning rods throughout the city streets? Considering how often the winter news headlines talk about dogs electrocuted while walking down the street, would they really put open electric with little warning out through the city. A child could curiously put their hand on top of it, a bird could perch on the 'electrodes', a drunk could stumble onto it. So why?
Well of course to answer it I turned to the internet and to the some of the more knowledgeable New Yorkers I could find. I figured, 'Hey, I'm the one here from Jersey...so I must be in the dark.' But nothing. No one had any idea. I asked everyone I could find. Most hadn't even seen the black obelisks. Then some one mentioned hearing of progressive cities starting to put in charging stations for electric cars. An opportunity to create a system to promote people to actually make the shift away their oil-powered autos.
But would New York City actually be involved in this? Let's just put aside for a moment the obvious electrocution risk that the sign points out, but for all the progressive people in the city, does anything of this magnitude actually happen...at least without it becoming rather widespread throughout the world first...
All that said, I couldn't find anything to refute it. They are positioned by where cars park, they obviously have a current running to them. Considering the focus of politics and the high price of gas, the City of New York must have been pushed too far and finally started to do something about it.
But I needed confirmation. Someone had to know what was going on...
So I watched...and waited. Then this morning, finally the opportunity. Finally, I could put the question to rest. While walking to work this morning...I caught a NYDOT worker installing yet another little icon of progressive change on the sidewalk near Hudson and Leroy.
At last, my chance! I waited for the right moment so that he could not see me coming, I cornered and questioned him. I demanded he explain. To tell me what was the grand plan that this city was rolling out. To get him to affirm that the government was finally going to take some decent step towards getting away from fossil fuels!
"Please tell me, my friend. What are these things that you are installing?!??", I pleaded.
The man, weathered from his tireless work and taken back by my excitement of the future looked back at me, smiled and uttered just one word....
Muni-meter.
A muni-meter...not an agent of change, no new progressive idea that might actually help the environment. Just another way for the city to collect money faster...so that more cars can pay to park on the street and fewer people are needed to collect the money they drop off.
1 comment:
Happy Birthday Jeff!!! I still have your old e-mail address, so I couldn't send you birthday wishes directly. But, I hope you have a great day!!! Fabulous expose' on muni-meters. Love, Missy
p.s. I love you Gina, my person. :)
Post a Comment