Yeehaw...

I'm the last person who would ever thought that I would enjoy country music, despite how many of my friends love it. Admittedly, it has slowly grown on me over the last decade. I found myself not only watching Country Strong but downloading the album, same for Weary Kind from Crazy Heart. (Ok, yes, I do have a soundtrack addiction.)

All that aside, this song is one that sticks out. I didn't realize that I've been humming it in my head for about 21 months now. I was so excited about meeting someone so special, that I literally had a full-blown panic attack that everything was so right that something had to be wrong. I really wasn't used to things going right.

Struggling with a racing pulse, I curled up into him and asked him to calm me down. He sang this song...worked like a charm. My guess is it would still work...but I will always remember that moment being totally vulnerable and trusting all at the same time. Not exactly my typical self and I'm glad that I wasn't.

Seriously...

Long hard life search...the person who completes me is the one that finds the humor in this meme, but also knows it would be an actual conversation between us.

Finding love on the internets

I've managed to fall in love twice online. The first time, was with deep brown soulful eyes, dark black complexion and very furry. Today is the second anniversary of the day my life would first change for the better. The day that I would become responsible for caring for someone else. I still remember how nervous I was to meet my sweet dog. I had no idea how much she and I had in common - both coming from recently, rough pasts; needing to be nursed back to health. It was an easy road but she was so gentle and chill, we made our way through. She's learned to be by my side whenever I'm sick, and loves to try to derail my stress by rolling around in the grass and staring at me.

What both of us didn't know is that just a few months later, we would fall for another special someone online. My dog and I staring at his picture (because you always need your dog's approval) and listening to him when we first spoke on the phone. He was more excited to meet her, which I actually took as a good sign.

Well, we've all been through a lot since, but we've managed to make ourselves a little family ruled by our furry leader (Lisa). She lets us sit on the couch occasionally...she loves to watch hockey with her dad. And, she also loves sneaking upstairs for a cuddle with me too.

For all the stress and crap we go through, having each other is a pretty great thing. It's made the house a home...one that we were all desperately seeking. You can't beat that.

Smooches
G

Every Brilliant Thing

Today isn't the easiest of days for me. It's become a day of reflection. It's hard to believe that 4 years have gone by...when I thought life was opening a new and somewhat final chapter for me.

Turns out, life had other plans beyond what I had expected. While I'm a fan of plot twists and turns, I don't know that anyone saw what was to come.

It hasn't been easy or pretty. It's been a long, tough road and I have the scars to prove it. I know now that life won't stop there. Another year, another battle. I still do my best to remain inspired.

On my own today, I fell upon two things that hit home. The first was the HBO special, Every Brilliant Thing, which was a beautifully written and well acted play about someone struggling to cope with his mother's depression and ultimate suicide. How he had to transform his life to create beauty in the hopes he could show his mother that life was worth living.

It was mind blowing, tear jerking and relatable.

The second was 3 Facebook posts from my man, Marc Broussard which chronicled his journey with his now wife. A story I had no idea about and made me admire a woman who embodies unconditional love and support. I realize I'm incredibly biased but when he describes how his wife's love changed him just by being there and never faltering...gave me chills and hope.

If you get time, both are worth the watch and the read.

2017 is coming fast. It is certainly not set up to be a smooth merry go round. Time to buckle up for the new roller coaster and try to enjoy the ride.

Smooches
G

Hardly working...

I've probably whined nearly the entire time I've had this blog about work. My industry is known for overwork and underpaid..why it's always listed in the top 5 most stressful jobs.

I'm not supposed to have excess stress for health reasons but that has yet to stop me. Why? Because I have great passion for doing what I do. I used to truly believe in what I did. I had the benefit of hearing from patients that what I did actually helped them. As a chronic patient myself and someone who isn't happy unless I'm helping others, that made all it worthwhile.

I think it's fair to say that I have no problem with working hard. What I have a problem with is not working smart. Sadly, I no longer work somewhere that values working smart and efficiently. This just sucks. Especially since the work I do continues the work I started. There are experts in the field that know what my contribution has been. There are college kids who even study a chapter in public health that is about my work, which I helped write. There's value in that. I actually did something that left a mark. A small mark, but I got to be part.

It's after midnight, I've taken my third train in 3 days. I've worked more than 30 hours in 2 days. That's just not right.

So here's hoping for a little Christmas or New Years miracle that I can finally find a new place where I'm valued, happy and is a better fit.

Lifeline

My dear, dear friends -

There has yet to been a time, when my most favorite party of the year hasn't come at the most perfect time.

While I'm still a good 40+ working hours and 3 days away from it...I need this moment. I've needed it every year.

It's the one of the few moments that I can look around and think to myself that there's one quote that always rings true "No man who has friends is a failure."

Every year, without fail, I feel like a failure since I always manage to somehow screw something up.

No one will ever get why it makes me happy. Mostly because I go overboard. But, from my heart, I thank you all for encapsulating a year of love in one night.

Miss you already

In true thanksgiving terms... here is my "G got sick and spent way too much time with Amazon prime" text to my bestie.

Happy birthday, wherever you are...

Today would've been my grandmother's birthday, which I've posted years before. It's been almost 20 years since she passed, but I still hear her like she's right beside me. Sometimes when it's not exactly convenient because she was famous for her not so PC one liners... so, when someone is acting rude, I hear her say things like "that woman is a real tomato (pronounced tom-MAY-ta)." Or her love/hate relationship with the Dragon Lady aka our Chinese food restaurant where she would get her lobster imperial dish. Or when she would take off to AC and get in trouble with my dad because she never told anyone and they'd be worried sick.

She still makes me laugh out loud when I think of those things.

I still shed a tear every time I remember walking into her house and her randomly shouting "Gina, I just LOVE YOU." She used to hug me so hard when she did that. I never knew why, but when I hug my nieces, I think I get it... at least a piece of it. 

Time is supposed to heal wounds and make it easier. But, it's been two decades without her, over three decades without my Poppie, the man who arguably loved me more than anyone in this world ever would or could. (That's no offense to my dad, superhero or friends...just this guy really adored me like no other). I never stop missing them. I hope they're having fun where they are, but I hope they miss me too because most of the time I would give anything to have them here just for a minute. Tell me where I'm going right, going wrong... hell even boost my ego for a minute and tell me I'm still the best kid ever.

This is why I'm a big advocate of never taking your family (or friends or anything you love) for granted. Don't miss something important in their lives because of your job or because "you'll see them tomorrow". I've made that mistake. You can't get those moments back. Ever.

So happy birthday, Grandma... wherever you are... may it be filled with slots that all line up in 7s, a nice cold beer or a good perfect Manhattan. I love you.

A lot to post, but this hits home

I have awesome insights from my cousin and I couldn't be happier I escaped the world in a small town. But this...even after all the what ifs, the explanations of government...this brought me to tears. May my little girl's never ever lose hope that they can conquer the world. I will not let them. I will spend my life defending them because they deserve it. And I don't won't let them ever feel defeated.

This is us

There's just no way to explain how crazy life is right now.

But there are moments. The other night, when everyone else was fast asleep, and I laid watching whatever dumb thing I DVR'd...one hand tightly held by my snoring superhero, my legs trapped by the very loud, snoring dog who refuses to allow me personal space...

Well, this apparently is Us. It made me laugh and smile as I realized, this is what I blogged about so many times long ago... suburbia, a dog, a washer and dryer, a home (chronically in need of repair)...someone to share it all with that keeps me sane and laughing.

It's so, so far from perfect. But, laying there, being suffocated by love. There are worse things in the world. We've been through hell, we're still going through chaos, but here we are. All of us. Together.

It is truly about who you want to be in the foxhole with...who has your back (and we have an army of them)...and who makes you smile, even when you don't want to.

It's the little things, which make the bigger picture. Its super hard to recognize in most moments but knowing it's there is so Important.

Wishing you all the best...

I'm sorry that I'm at a loss for my own words or even my own time to write them. Best I can do is pass along my best wishes to all. I spend my few moments of downtime smiling at seeing how people seem to be doing...all looks well on the outside. Grateful to see that.

Us the Duo

I guess talented singers also make for smart writers. Good tweets from them:

It's easy to waste A LOT of time & energy trying to control an outcome. Do the absolute best you can and the outcome will be as it should.

Text/call/skype anybody important in your life today & say hello or I love you or "just checking in". Show love while you have the chance.

Fair warning

If I ever did write a book...

A day to remember

It's amazing how different a couple of years can make...here's what I wrote then: 

Watching two of my closest guys work their asses off in the pouring rain is not only a feeling of gracefulness, but humility. Sometimes when you have no choice left but to ask for help it opens you to a world you never saw. 

Thankful for the ongoing love and support for all of the people in my life. 

September 13

Gratitude!
     Tears melting into
mountain snow

Soen Nakagawa

Today, as you go through your day, notice everything for which you are grateful.

Transform Your Life: A Year of Awareness Practice by Cheri Huber.

365 days of inspirational quotes, encouragement, and daily assignments supporting awareness practice.

http://appstore.com/TransformYourLife

I think it's about...

Forgiveness. It's been on my mind a lot lately. Some people have asked how I can forgive so much from so many people who have wronged me. I never had words to explain beyond Don Henley's "you keep carrying that anger it will eat you up inside." I think this quote does a better job. I don't like to have hate in my heart. I have enough immune system problems to have that nonsense hold me back too. Live, let live and most importantly...let go. (Or as Elsa would say "let it go.")

That time when...

You've managed to cram a lifetime in 5 "days off"...wouldn't be my life if the universe didn't keep me on my toes I guess. Here's to the moments of calm and the rainbows from the rain.

And I'm spent...

Not to brag but ... Logged 45+ hours in 4 days, Urgent care w my dad, dodged a poisonous spider, dog fight w Lisa and me screaming in the streets and neighbors watching but no one came
To help..., complete breakdown into hysterics. best. Day. Off. Ever.

Hours before that, I look outside to see a little man in my backyard, which scared the fuck out of me bc my gates are locked. But the gate lock doesn't work and my parents decided they were "surprising" me by getting an estimate on my landscaping bc apparently they don't like it. Enough.

Please make sure my tombstone reads "she helped everyone except herself."

Chaos

Just too much. Way too much. I started to have a decent day yesterday but that quickly turned to shit...but before that I heard a new song and lyrics that made me happy. At least at the start of yesterday... 

That's life...or at least my life. Enjoy some Home by Blue October...while I wonder if I will ever fine mine.

We found 

Our home

Something we can build for years

The young

And old

I'll be there to wipe your tears

We all get to see

Who we grow up to be

And anchor when in doubt

An ocean when in drought

We aim for it all

We lift of these walls

To make this house our home

Guess so...

The political debates on social media are typically too moronic to engage in, but once in awhile I feel the need to comment. One of my way left friends posted about the hypocrisy that Trump has had 3 wives with countless kids, yet the conservative republicans have never even addressed that. I do find that fascinating since they're typically repressed, which gives us the bonus of a good summer sex scandal (Larry Craig, Herman Craig, Newt, Boehner, Mark Sandford, even Giuliani...and if you google this, the list is tremendous).

At any rate, I commented that I am surprised that there are women who support the Donald given all that fact plus all the others of how he treats woman. As usual, a Trump supporter trolled on in and went on about how certain women like being treated like crap or are just listening to their husbands. I find the comment hilarious as well...but realized immediately you can't argue stupid. So I simple told the troll that I would just defer to my friend on what kind of woman I was. His response:

"G is the strong willed, headline loving, whiskey drinking, tough cookie, workhorse type of woman living in an exhaustingly long winded world."

I think he accidentally wrote my new bio, but I love that no matter how much time passes, he still gets me.

Definitely

Sums it up

When you work over 40 hours and it's only Wednesday...when GBAS is so bad there actually isn't even a birthday...when you're trying so hard to see the silver lining...when you're annoying everyone around you even though you don't mean to because you're grateful they're there...when you're just beyond any ability to find the silver lining...and when you're home alone, again, and just want to be anywhere with someone who wants the same...

Guess it still will get done. Life will gone on. As my doctors would say, "some people are just unlucky."

Exactly what I wanted for my birthday!

Welcome to the 40th edition of GBAS...where this year I've started early and have outdid myself. I got bit, or not, over the past few days which has now resulted in one ankle, foot and lower leg being double in size So I get to be on antibiotics for the next 10 days.

But wait, there's more!

My suck-tastic job also has me working overtime on a new biz pitch which will include all this weekend because everyone else's work and research is taking longer than expected.

Not like my friends and family are throwing me a party...oh, wait...

Hope everyone enjoys a good game of pin the tail on the PowerPoint.

Love this...

What the world needs now...

Is love, sweet love. This last round of shootings, killings, snipers has taken its toll on me. Hate gets us nowhere. You don't have to agree with people, but everyone deserves a chance to be heard. Usually I'm able to distance myself from these things. But, today it feels really hard and my heart is quite heavy with sadness. An older friend posted today about how he wishes he had any answers about why all this was happening.

My only response was: The closest I've come to answers right now is taking great pride in knowing that I've surrounded myself with many people that choose love and peace over hate and violence. So, I guess I have to lean on that right now.

Grateful for those that fill me with love.

#silence

July 3

I neglect God and his Angels, for the noise of a fly, for the rattling of a coach, for the whining of a door.

John Donne

Today, notice which of life's little irritations you give up your peace and joy for.

Transform Your Life: A Year of Awareness Practice by Cheri Huber.

365 days of inspirational quotes, encouragement, and daily assignments supporting awareness practice.

http://appstore.com/TransformYourLife

The little things

Life is so about the little things. Meeting people, seeing old friends...sharing a laugh and then looking back and realizing the person you want to spend that moment with you isn't there.

It probably seems silly to miss people as soon as you leave them. Most people require time off...space.

Today, one of my junior team members who is enduring her own personal issues said "I just don't think people ever have the relationships like older people did and do..."

I would've agreed with her, but I couldn't. Because life is really about finding the person (or persons) that just come naturally to you.

Maybe they don't feel the same way, but having that level of ease is comforting.

Still nice that someone wants to hear from you to exchange what happened that day and get a few laughs.

Makes even a bad day, a good one.

Underdog

"You got no fear of the underdog,

That's why you will not survive!" - Spoon

One of my secrets is my great love of underdog movies, which by most counts are sports movies. Lucas, Rudy, Vince Papale, Eddie the Eagle...

When life is really hitting me hard, these are the champions. There are non-sports movies but usually it's all about those that overcome the odds that make me realize why it's important to keep moving forward. 

I am a small stain on this earth. When I part from it, there will be no statue, no memorial..likely no memory at all. I am no one's mother...I have left no mark. I have helped people leave their own. That's what I have. I'm not my father, who can go into the Smithsonian and point out what he worked on. I have no talent - I'm no musician, photographer, artist - although I know plenty. 

So the only thing I can do, is to give what I have to those around me. My accomplishments are so minute - I have rescued a dog so she had a better life, I have been a good friend, done my best to be a decent daughter. 

I will forever be the supporting role in everything around me...the comedic court jester. 

I couldn't be prouder to be surrounded by the accomplishments of others - those who have succeeded in life, love, family, marriage, career. 

I'm so proud of everyone who has crossed my path. 

Some would want to wait for their own moment. But, I know my own will come. 

I have loved being part of your lives and watching you all grow and succeed. You amaze me everyday, even on the days you think you've done nothing at all. 

I assure you, the underdog is watching, and she applauds you. Continue on, my friends. Blaze the paths that you have embarked upon. 

Please be the person that I can't and won't ever be so I can continue to cheer from the sidelines. 

Conversations with Mary Popov

My father: Jimmy Fallon has been in the news a bunch...they say he's drinking too much.
My mother: it's true, he fell going up stairs to hand out an award and his mother yelled at him and told him he better cut out the drinking.
Me: Mom, if I was famous and fell up stairs to give an award, you'd tell me the same thing and the news would report it.
Mother:...sigh....

This

Sums up my current state... I just don't want to be here anymore.

Disgusted

I'm disgusted today. The hatred, finger pointing and fighting all over social media. Does anyone remember 9/11 when we didn't immediately blame the president, even though years later we found out he knew a threat was imminent? No. That didn't happen. We used to care about people. Somehow while fleeing NYC on the ferry on that day and the months after, I don't recall people giving a shit if people around them were gay, Muslim, black or white. We talked and checked to see if each other were ok. We didn't blame anyone or not help.

I thank my parents for raising me to not see the differences in people and treat every person the same - whether they be the trash man or the president.

I truly hope we can actual stop this hatred and fighting and learn to love again.

Motivation

Trying to do my best to have faith and carry on.

Rescue me

It's been such a week. Client meetings, work until 10 pm almost every night and missing multiple events because of it is misery in itself. I didn't anticipate dealing with a broken hot water heater, dealing with the landscaper while also working and fixing my wifi. So thankful for the super helpful superhero who showed up to help not only manage the plumber so I could stay on yet another 4 hour conference call but also cleaned my downstairs, walk the dog and still find time to grill up steak and veggies.

I was so looking forward to a "normal" day. But, that just never happens. Despite finally getting some sleep, I let out my dog and started fixing her breakfast (bc I don't eat unless she does). She comes bouncing back to the door with something wriggly in her mouth. After numerous screams, she lets go and it's a tiny baby bunny. I'm totally devastated but the bunny isn't really injured, thankfully. So after numerous calls, I'm off to an animal refuge to drop off the bunny who I set up in a shoebox. No time to shower or anything...get lost in the woods (literally) but bunny gets dropped off.

Come back and head outside to figure out where the bunny nest is which my dog brings me to. Then realize, there's a bunch of them out there. After 15 minutes in the blazing sun, I get my dog to leave the nest area and back in the house. I go back out to cover the nest with branches and brush. And then I spot the worst part of my day...dead mom bunny.

My dog probably tried to alert me last night as she freaked out, barking and snarling at the door at 1 am. I was too tired to deal.

So...then I knew that these little bunnies needed to be rescued too. I call the wildlife refuge and they say they can't take them and call animal rescue because the mom rabbit was likely attacked by a feral cat...which I know hang out around my house. So, next recommendation was animal control which said they don't handle the situation. Back to the refuge who after my begging, agree to take the other babies but I was on my own with the disposal.

I've grown the balls to pick up dead birds but rabbit I just can't do. Once again, I have to ask for help...which despite me waking home up, comes in record time.

He does the disposal and I get the bunnies in yet another shoebox, which justifies my recent shoe shopping. Then back to the refuge we go where I'm so rattled and sad I give them a donation in the hopes the bunnies will be taken care of. When we finally get back, once again I'm nicely spoiled with Bloody Marys and steak wraps.

But, I am spent. My mother kindly called me "a special angel" but I have to tell you I feel more like I'm rescuing everything while drowning at the same time.

Hoping vacation comes quickly and actually results in relaxation.

Sigh

I DO NOT have this right now. #retire #shootme #IQuit

Affirmation

Almost 4 months into this job...I've worked harder and more hours than I ever dreamed possible. Not by choice, by design of how this new gig is.

I mentioned that I asked for stability and understanding. Today was one step toward that.

After all the overtime, working 15+ hour days, I got that rarely offered and therefore always exciting moment of affirmation from my client.

One...she likes me. That's a win, for those of you not in client services. It actually can be the tie breaker from moving from one vendor to another. Two...she thinks I'm doing a good job. Another big win. But three, she insisted to my boss that we need to better integrate work/life balance saying there should be no work or emails after 8 pm and before 7 am.

Most clients assume you're part robot. This is partly taught by agencies as you are programmed to immediately respond to any email you receive, even if the response is "got it, will get answer in am ASAP"...at 3 am.

The client reiterated the same thing I've been telling my junior team for months. While we're doing good, we are not literally saving lives. There is no one dying, therefore no harm will come from answering an email the next morning.

I would've hugged my client but didn't want to push my luck. My current boss however didn't understand, in fact, after our meeting she insisted I go home and work on things that kept me online until 11.

Yet, it's still a win and one step closer to where I want to be.

It's been a rough few months and I give credit to the people who've been helping me through. The only thing that would've been better is being able to come home to celebrate with them. But, can't have it all. Yet.

Exhausted, but grateful.

What I would ask God for...

This weekend, among many other things, I went to church.

Yea, ok. I know what everyone is thinking - was there a wedding? Baptism? Did she fall outside the church and need a bandage? Was she drunk and think it was a speakeasy?

No. I actually just decided to go to church. Not the type of church I grew up in, where I would walk in and just wait for lightning to strike me down. This church isn't really church at all. It takes place in a music school, where I spent a lot of time staring at the iconic Rolling Stones lips and reading the names of bands that are imprinted on the wall.

Over the past year, I've been exposed to a way different take on the whole God/Jesus thing. Now, you know my basic philosophy is to sum all things outside my realm of seeing and understanding simply as the "Universe." And I'm having a hard time trying to adjust to saying otherwise. But, I'm just so fascinated by the whole concept of celebrating faith rather than dodging or being made to feel like crap.

It was an interesting experience for sure. Lots of singing, time where people spoke to one another and even a time where someone explained a passage from the bible. Refreshing from my upbringing of sit, stand, kneel...nod off while the priest tells you why you're a sinner and he's not.

So the question we were supposed to answer during discussion was "what you would ask God for"...I had an immediate answer of "balance" in my head but I skipped my chance to speak. Mostly because I realized I have balance. It's not perfect (especially not the physical part), but I'm regaining balance with the people around me who pull me out of my work mode and transport me for the weekend just by having fun.

So, after thinking more, I guess what I would ask for is stability and understanding. I could definitely use the security of knowing that maybe not circumstances but people (the ones I've come to get used to) will always be there for me and understanding of why it seems I can't have a "normal" more stable life that everything seems consistent and ongoing.

And as I write this, I think the answer just popped in my head...

Hidden track

Found this little gem of a note to myself...or I guess it found me at just the right time.

"There are the days you want to believe something good, something magical will happen. And it doesn't. Then there are the days when magic happens on its on.

You don't really get to choose, and while you can hope, the effort is just as fruitless.

Moments in time are just that. Moments. You can reflect on past moments that made you smile and even ones that made you sad. But you have to let go. Really, truly, let go.

Past is past. Present is what you make. Future is never guaranteed.

So stop wishing and hoping. Just live in the moment. Know that at some point, you were loved..."

Texts from D&D - life with dog

I'm glad after a 15 hour day and a 6 am start that I still have someone to make me laugh. Slightly more happy that my dog loves me enough to not kill me in my sleep. Yet. But I am going to take that side eye more seriously when she doesn't get her walks.

Orbs

I know how crazy it sounds but I've started noticing orbs in pictures. Here are two, both of which were very peaceful and loving moments for me. And here's the "definition" I'm not one for too much higher power but interesting nonetheless. 

Green Orbs

In spiritual practice, green is associated with the heart. It is also associated with nature. Green orbs are sometimes thought to be an indication of the presence of a human spirit, as opposed to one that was never on Earth in human form. Likewise, green orbs may represent love or oneness with nature.

Blue Orbs

Blue is spiritually associated with psychic energy and truth. It is a very calming color, and many people associate it with spiritual guidance. Some people feel blue orbs are are sign of a calming presence or energy, while others feel they indicate the presence of a spirit guide in that location.

Texts from Mary Popov

That moment...

When you're sober in a bar bathroom listening to 20 something girls and realizing you wouldn't trade back to that age for anything.

Yea, I think I just became ok with being 40.

Mary Popov, the voice of reason??

Trust me... I would stumble over that headline too. But, sadly, yes... I had to be the rational person today. My lovely 14 hour day yesterday, slacking today with a 10.

When I was told we were having a Memorial Day work party, I was at least happy. We even gathered most of the office for a whole 30 minutes where I proceeded to kick everyone's ass at trivia. (I did warn them I'm a Jeopardy nerd).

Then as people started to disappear to their desks, I put my foot down. I made my junior staff stay in the room and even venture to the roof with a beverage. Why? Because 5 minutes before that fun fest, we were told that immediately following a client event we've worked on for 2 months, we have to turn around not one, but two full year plan presentations. In short, after this actual Memorial Day, no one will see me until June 11.

So, yes, I held my employees (alright, it was willingly) and said quite frankly... not today. You are NOT working right now. Drink... I said DRINK.

Adulting is tough, but even Mary Popov has to do it once in awhile.

Picking up the pieces...

Two quotes that always give me some push to pick myself up and carry on...

I stopped thinking the way other people think a long time ago, you gotta think like you think.

It's your right to listen to your gut, it ain't nobody's right to say no after you earned the right to be what you wanna be and do what you wanna do.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you, no matter what. No matter what happens. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.

 

Interesting

May 24

Love is not a matter of getting what you want. Quite the contrary. The insistence on always having what you want, on always being satisfied, on always being fulfilled, makes love impossible.

Thomas Merton

Today, find the moments in which you can trade getting what you want, being satisfied and fulfilled, for love. Notice how that feels.

Transform Your Life: A Year of Awareness Practice by Cheri Huber.

365 days of inspirational quotes, encouragement, and daily assignments supporting awareness practice.

http://appstore.com/TransformYourLife

Today is...

World Whisky Day. Anyone who knows me, knows where to find me now. But come pick me up bc I'm supposed to be out tonight. 

Bio Break

Yes, I work in a corporate world. No, I do not belong. My biggest pet peeve is corporate lingo... Looking at something from a 30,000 foot view (God help me).

But today's word is bio break. Formally, restroom break or even potty break. Or as I like to put it: Or "we're devastated that your body actually has to do something other than sit in your chair. Since legally we can't catheter you, I guess you have 5 minutes to pee and there are only 4 potties. May the odds be forever in your favor"

At least I made someone laugh.

For the love of dog

It's been a long day, the trailer made me tear up. There's a DC saying if you want a friend, get a dog. This trailer is literally my life and also how all the dogs in my life have taught me to love...unconditionally. And no matter how much it can suck, I'm still glad that I have the ability to love unconditionally.

https://youtu.be/M3_bDWTTLWc

G 3.0

And 1/2? Plan is brewing...time for summer to kick in.

Not your stepping stone

Only my Nicole would appreciate a good Monkees reference. My doc and I made an interesting discovery tonight...every aspect of my life is looking for the next step. This is difficult for someone with the desire to be settled. Not to settle, just to have a moment where life isn't in constant flux and things are changing. Not changing has been since...hmm...2010? So for around 6 straight years I've been through an endless chain of life events that has kept me on my toes, literally and figuratively. 

There's not much I can do beyond smarten up, straighten up...and keep hoping that the next step is the one that brings security and and strength in every aspect of life. 

Tonight's relatable lyrics are from Empire...here is Hourglass. 

You say you're right, I'll say you're wrong

You'll be polite, but continue on

And I'll say it might be true

If you want me to

You say it's night, and I'll say it's morning

You'll see the light, and pretend you don't

And I'll close a blind, if you, really want me to

If that's what you want to do

But life has its own arranges

As time passes on, it changes

The hourglass moves on a grain

And our path is torn in strands

You say we fight, I'll say we argue

Maybe you're right, that we really are through

And I'll say goodbye, if you really want me to

Cause that's what I'm gonna do

You say it's mine, I'll say it's yours

Maybe the time has come, to finish our scores

And I'll break my promise too, if you want me to

That's what I'm gonna do

But life has its own arranges

As life passes on, we're strangers

And our past is blown away

The hourglass is thrown and breaks

And I'll take a fall for you

If that's what you want me to

FUBAR

My word that generally describes this week. FUBAR.

Plus side, it includes BAR...and what it stands for definitely requires one.

35 days and counting for some much needed time away from life.

Being With You is Not a Gamble - from "The Pick-Up Artist" with Robert D...

Thank you to Starz for playing me some RDJ... I've loved this movie for a long time. RDJ sings, dances, picks up women..and becomes a gambler. Ironically, after the gambling gal (Molly Ringwald) loses a huge blackjack bet, he turns around and bets 11 and 13 on roulette. 13 comes out and her debt is paid. Too many coincidences. But it made me smile, especially with the backdrop of old AC where my grandparents taught me how to be a degenerate gambler many moons ago. Miss that old scenery as much as I miss them.

https://youtu.be/Ac5IP4X_gl4

At least, I'm smarter than a power player

I could be bitter jeopardy didn't call me, but sweet baby Jesus the "power players" tonight were like watching a SNL skit. Holy crap, they were dumb.

It's been that kind of day...eating dinner at 9:15 pm, working too late...grump invoking weather.

Attitude adjustment needed.

According to my other journal, one year ago was a beautiful sunny day down the shore. I'm going to pull out some Bruce, and wait for the next sunny day.

Something old...something new

Something gambled?

Well..maybe.

""you don't need to be a superhero to get the girl, the right girl will bring out the hero in you".

Enough said.

527,040 minutes

Pre-planned. I wanted to think about this. Of course, given my current schedule I don't have time.

365 days, a year... It can sure change your life. Things go right, they go wrong...they go a lot of ways.

But sometimes, someone changes your life and things get different.

There's no big announcement, yet my life has been forever changed. A year ago, I met someone who made everything different. And, in 365 days, we've been through bad, good, drunk and disorderly.

For me, I've laughed more, I've cried harder, I've felt more alive than I have...ever. It's hard to believe the stress, love and life we've been through only amounts to a year since it feels like a lifetime.

I have no idea where this story ends. That's about all I know. But I'll be damned if it ends today.