The Return of Pink Phone…

When you blog about a phone, it means you either really like it or hate it. Me and pink phone, we have history as you can read here.

Several weeks ago, I sent out the following email:

“Yesterday, I told you all a lovely home tale about springing leaks, destroyed paint, ceiling destruction and new carpeting... well, the universe didn't like my recounting as after I clicked send, I tripped on the new carpeting and managed to slam dunk my cell phone into the toilet. Yes, the pink cell phone that I blogged about, that shared my iPod stuffed bed and bunny slippers Danielle got me and loved so dearly, despite the fact that it was a piece o'crap.

If you've changed your phone numbers over the last year, I don't have the new ones, so please send.

The place is up and running now and ready for visitors. I hope to see you at Casa de G.”

Well, I’m pleased to report that after nurturing pink phone by holding it over the dehumidifier that was eliminating water from the leaking walls in my apartment for 6 hours while my carpet was being installed, talking to it, laying it in its little shared iPod bed, that three weeks later, it is now reactivated thanks to the fine customer service representatives at Verizon. BTW – I encourage you all to call Verizon and listen to the fabulous way they try to “nicely” spin the fact that the RaZrs (like Pink Phone) are a gigantor pieces o’ poo. Yesterday my rep said, “Well, the good thing about your old phone is that the LGs tend to last a long time… so if this phone breaks again, you’ll have no problems.” i.e. Motorola sucks.

I miss you too!

Ah, fellow readers... I almost lost two bets in one night... both were for the same thing... the love of the blog. For 5 months, I've heard, "Bring the blog back, G"... "well, I don't know what you're up to, because you don't blog anymore." BTW - CALL ME, if you want to know what I'm up to... geez - I'm just as funny on the phone!

But I get it... you miss the stories, the excitement... the nuiances. The dates. Did she write today? What's going on down South? What color is her hair this month?

I miss it too. So, folks, once again, I'm up and running... now, times have changed, hard to believe, G works even more now than she did then, but it is true. So, the daily blog... probably ain't gonna happen... BUT, despite the heart ache, phone calls and rude comments that I've received at times on and about this blog... I will once again be a public entity.

Hopefully, this will force my book editor and my literary agent to quit their day jobs and get crackin.

So enjoy kids... I had a whole summer full of home repair and I'm currently in my bedroom, hiding from a bug... there are many, many tales to come.

Smooches -
G

Deep Thoughts...

As I was in the midst of my massage, I had this entire post written in my head... however, I checked my new horoscope and its lead me in a different direction.


Quickie:Listen more carefully to the viewpoints of someone who tends to annoy you.

Overview:The toughest thing in the world isn't beating someone with your superior mental or physical strength; the toughest thing in the world is being strong enough to be vulnerable. Take a risk and show your real self to someone who counts.

I have a pretty good idea as to why this horoscope is hitting right now... So, I'm gonna have to wait until later to tell you everything I was going to tell you tonight.

Sorry. For those of you that prefer the light and funny G, it wasn't gonna be either of those things anyway.

Smooch.

American Lexicon...

With various testimonials and usage I've seen and heard of fucktard, or for those polite people, f*tard, I'm bound and determined to make this word a m-w.com's word of the day. I think I have a good shot at achieving this, because this week, 'wowser' was one of the words of the day.

So, spread it like a virus, kids... Sadly, I can't even claim ownership of the word itself... but I can be the mastermind PR chic behind it.

In other mastermind PR chic news, my recent non-stop days o' work paid off from accolades from the boss lady... always nice to hear that I'm doing a good job... even if its costing me everything from my health to any spare time I once had.

I did manage to sneak in the Nats v. Mets game this weekend... sports terrets in full effect, as I yelled at man who caught a foul ball in front of me, "You go pink shirt guy... love a man safe enough his masculinity to wear pink to a baseball game."

Whoopsie... that turned heads.

An of course, paying respect to my Jersey peeps, when the game dragged onto the 12th inning, I screamed out "Sweep the leg, Johnny...."

That got a full section of laughter and redeemed the pink shirt comment.

Of course, nothing beats enjoying a night at the ballpark, yelling obscenities like "stop f*ing holding conversations on the mound, your game is NOT getting better because of it" and f-tard pink shirt comments, only to realize at the end of game, one of your coworkers is 4 rows ahead of you with a big ol' smile.

Good thing, he already knows that I'm both crazy and from Jersey, and that excuse continues to work wonders in this town.

I'm Not Giving You What You Want...

I know you want details. But, I don't have any to give right now. What I can give you, is my horoscope:

The sudden generosity you're being shown is nothing to be alarmed about! The friendly and magnanimous behavior of the people you'll be encountering today is a direct result of the compassion and generosity that you've shown so often in the past. You're entering a phase in which all the wonderful energy that you've sent out into the world will come flooding back at you -- it may seem like amazing good luck, but you've earned this.

Not sure what's going to happen, but, when I know, you'll know.

To entertain you in the interim... check out a typical day's convo between me and my former work spouse, Schelissa.

Schelissa: Me again. Stalking you. You have to hear the song on my MySpace page. I can't get it out of my head. Why don't you write songs about me with lyrics like "you put my heart in a headlock."? Shape up!

Me: Do you even have a job over there? Wacky lady.

Schelissa: Stop deflecting attention away from the fact that you don't write me songs. It's a serious issue. So stupid me who was up with a puking kid at 5 this morning forgot that there's a major new business presentation here today and I showed up in jeans. However, always able to make piss from lemons, I went to Marshalls and got the most perfect pair of black pants. I'm pretty sure God led me to them.

Me: Thanks for making me look incontinent in front of my co-workers. Now I need new pants.
You want a song eh?

Oh Schelissa…. Your jokes make me have to use the pissah…..
I love you soooooo, and wish we both made more doughhhhhhhhh
Just thought you should know…….
Whoa whoa oooooooo

Schelissa: Ok, that's good, but not even close to "you put my heart in a headlock." (meanie) I forgot to add that I changed into my new pants in my car in the parking lot of Marshalls.

Me: That's hot… and bite me.

Schelissa: Also, further evidence that I work in yet another looney bin, this is an actual conversation that took place between me, and leadership executives this morning:

(redacted for possible incriminating evidence)

Me: I'll see your convo and raise you an admirably tenacious give me your comments or I will hurt you email to my team:

"As much as I'd like to think I'm a rock star… anyone like to provide comments? If it helps, Schmelsea likes it and had no changes. (And, no, I didn't pay her). :-) "

Noone appreciates good humor.

Schelissa: LOVES IT! I think I could pass out from exhaustion at my desk.

Me: That's just creepy. I'm yawning and crashing here.

Schelissa: My excuse is a barfing 3 year old at 5 am. Tom told me to go home. I might take him up on it, although being here is easier than being home.

Me: I wish someone would send me home. I'm not even supposed to be here today. I'm supposed to be in Jamaica. (it's true. as a last ditch effort, i booked an entire all-inclusive trip).

Schelissa: I'm getting serious crap for changing out of jeans. Could you imagine how badly they'd be teasing me if they knew I got changed in my car?

Me: If you tell them you got changed in your car, it would be another example as to why you failed the sexual harassment training.

Schelissa: dude, that course was hard. i'm so sending the disc to you.

Me: Ok. But when I pass with flying colors, I don’t want to hear it. This is one blogworthy exchange, so don’t be surprised. Internet radio: CHER -- Jesse James!!!!

Schelissa: Just use a different name to protect the not so innocent. Something clever like Schlissa should do the trick. SWEET about Cher. Jesse James is awesome, but I prefer "We All Sleep Alone." If you were here, I'd sing it to you.

YOU MAY HAVE LOVAHHHS WHEREVAH YOU RHOME, BUT SOONAH OR LATAHHH, OOOOOOH WE AUHL SLEEP AHHHLONE.

You get the picture... we're supposed to be together... I know....

Wow.

So, the past day has been a very interesting one. Tonight, I was offered my dream job. Relax kids, I'm not moving to Key West.

I was asked by my company to help with recruitment. Unfortunately, everyone I've reached out to, has offered me a job instead of helping me get people into my company. (Ok, you're thinking 'oh, to have such problems' but, really not as easy as it sounds).

Well, tonight, an offer that I pretty much can't refuse has crossed my plate. And I've spent the last several hours thinking about it and realizing that I'm probably going to have to go for it. That despite every direction I thought I was headed in, I'm about to take a rapid right turn.

Seems your pal, G, may have finally hit something good.

Details to come...

On Probation...

I have temporarily graduated from physical therapy, with 2 weeks of at-home probation. Good times! Despite me telling my physical therapist that she's one in a long list of people breaking up with me, I have two weeks to try to recreate everything I do there and come in and prove that I can be alone. Ah, alone again.

As much as I love going there, I think this is one break up that I can live with... and besides I had to purchase all these 'therabands' so, more to add to the at-home gym collection. One day, they will be quite useful as clothes hangers... just like my old stationery bike.

In other news, there is a slim chance that my vacation will be back on. Fingers crossed, people.

Suprisingly everyone I have spoken with has recommended that I go away... far away. Even my parents have suggested I'd do best if I get out of town, and not even to Jersey.

Geez... here I thought people couldn't live without me.

On the Jersey subject, I've found that my Jersey roots are quite profitable down here... I gave gambling/casino advice to one of my clients today. You'd think they'd want to approve a vacation of someone providing tips on poker tournaments...

Hangover, Day 2.

I didn't think it was possible, but I'm on Day 2 of a hangover that won't quit. I've tried everything.... drugs, hair of the dog, hash browns... the throbbing continues. Of course, this could have more to do with the fact that my much needed and requested vacation was denied, therefore, my body has reached the point where it will do anything (including hoarding booze in my system) to avoid going to work tomorrow.

At any rate, whenever you're hungover, here is a song that never leaves your head:

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In Daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love?

Measure in love
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried,
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Remember the love
Measure in love
Seasons of love!
Seasons of love.

Oh you got to remember the love,
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.

How To Build a Bad Day...

1. Start with getting up balls early to go to PT.
2. Check email to find work crisis, which leads to cancelling PT.
3. Have bum uterus named Utie that clearly hates where you work and decides that you shouldn't be going there.
4. Convince Utie that until he can figure out a way to avoid us going into foreclosure based on his talents that we have to suck it up and go to work.
5. Deal with work crises and find out that your staff was just cut in half.
6. Try not to cry or mame boss when she looks at you like you're crazy when you say you're leaving because you're violently ill.
7. Come home.
8. On way home, see someone who is skateboarding past clearly enjoying their day.
9. Use bathroom and find out water has been shut off.
10. Try not to hurt building management when you find out water is not being turned on for several hours.
11. Work from bed, sick as dog.
12. Have computer crash and when you reboot, the entire screen comes up sideways.
13. Turn laptop on side to read instructions for how to get tech support.
14. Contact tech support in India.
15. After 15 minutes of f-tarded questions like "I don't see the problem when I log on", have tech support fix computer.
16. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Warning: Bring Taser to 1st Date

Ah, this story is just chock full o' nuts. I'm sure some of you are asking "Why hasn't G returned my calls?" Is she in Key West on an interview. Not yet... but getting close to a vacation that includes padded walls is a comin'.

So, last week I went on yet another first date. A good date too, might I add... not smut good like the last one prior to breaking shoulder, but minus the hangover, a good one all the same. So, the next day, I was surprised that I didn't hear from Date.

The day after, I got word that Date was carjacked on the way home, hence, no call. Now, being carjacked is definitely an excuse for no 2nd date and probably would've been the one I would've used. Instead, Date waited until I came back from the Loser's Lounge in Atlantic City treking poor Victor sans oil change thru the Nor'Easter to tell me that within 48 hours, he met someone else that both lived and worked closer to him, and therefore, I quickly became geographically undesirable.

That's impressive. Here's a new rule for the single guys... whenever possible, go with the "I'm sorry, G, you live in the crime ridden gay ghetto and I refuse to subject myself to it." over the "I met someone and they live closer"..... Just to make me feel better, por favor. BTW, for other's who've used weapons as excuses click here.

BTW, this is the last time I don't listen to my horoscope... b/c clearly that was the smooth talker.

Here is today's:

Quickie: A brainstorming session could lead to an interesting romantic invitation. (unless my boss propositioned me, this didn't happen)

Overview:Be careful or you could lose your temper, unless of course that's exactly what you want to do. Let's face it: Letting someone see just a bit of your ire could force them to hop to it. Use your power wisely and only for good! (this did happen and the outcome was NOT pretty... but the Starbucks barista is clearly terrified of me now.)

Hey, at least this weekend, The Paul gave me a cute new hat. I wish it was a lucky hat or a magical hat that turned me into Frosty the Snowman, but, as of now, no such luck.

I'm off have me a big ol' glass o' Clorox, I mean vodka, I mean water... whichever option makes you sleep better, that's what I'm drinking.

Stupid Shoulder...

Looks like I get to attend the Summer School flunky section of physical torture... turns out, although I have a decent range of motion, its not the recovery they were hoping for... hmph. Stupid shoulder...

Stuck in Traffic Behind Jesus...

Why should this holiday be any different for the non-fiction Griswolds? My family landed upon the area this Friday, with sister in tow. In effort to escape the family drama, my sister decided she would come here Friday night to crash.

After two days at work liberally dropping the f-bomb and preparing to walk out for lunch and not walk back in, I agreed, half heartedly. I was trying desperately to stay awake Friday, as they supposedly left hours before, when at 9:25, I finally get a call.

Sister: "We're stuck in traffic."
G: "It's Friday."
Sister: "This is different... seems like a procession of sorts."
G: "What? Are you trying to tell me that Jesus is causing traffic?"
Sister: "Is there a church nearby?"
(I live on the one street in the entire country that has the most churches on it. True fact.)
G: "Yes, like a million."
Sister: "Then, yes, I'm afraid so. People are just walking down the streets."

But even JC couldn't stop the eventual family chaos. My security guards are so used to the fam, they're smart enough to let them park illegally, knowing the whirlwind that occurs everytime they're here.

As if that wasn't enough, my horoscope had some disturbing news:

You're way too smart to be fooled by a smooth talker, although you might come awfully close today when some flattery turns your head. This charmer has a great line and a good story, and your interest is piqued. Follow your curiosity as far as you feel comfortable doing so, but keep in mind that all that glitters is definitely not gold. If something (or someone) seems too good to be true right now, then guess what? Have fun, but protect yourself.

That is a bummer.. b/c noone likes a smooth talker more than yours truly.

Ah... its going to be 6 long days before my trip to the red hot slots....

I hope everyone got a visit from the bunny.

Smooch,
G

A Nun Walks into a Drug Store...

This story isn't from me... but I found it in my email pile and had to post... Enjoy! And thanks for the person who shared it...


so yesterday i had to buy condoms. ummm i haven't bought condom since the late 90's. so i walked over to the drug store down the street. i wander around the store looking for them. and i spot them. they are directly under the RX counter. so i stand in the greeting card aisle and pretend that i am looking at cards, while trying to scope out what kinds of condoms they have.

but i don't have my glasses on and i can't see anything. also there is a crowd of people in front of the RX counter waiting for prescriptions. so i decided i will make my move. my plan... stroll past the rack of condoms, casually grab the box and move on quickly and discreetly. i think, "this will easy, no problem."

so i emerge from the greeting card aisle, i am on my way to the rack of condoms, when a blind nun and her seeing eye dog step infront of the rack and i plow into the woman ! everyone at the Rx counter looks over, three people come over to help her, it was a mess.

What's in a dream...

I've been having bizarre dreams lately. Truly bizarre. Most of them focus on me encountering people I haven't seen or thought of in years. One dream, I was at a huge luncheon, which turned out to be for me, and there were tons of people I haven't seen or thought about in years saying the same thing over and over again "There you are, we've missed you."

As if that wasn't enough, last night Melissa and I were trying to expose a murder that happened in the water. We went out in a kayak, but fell over board and there was a rogue wave.... she grabbed my hand and saved me. It was intense. But not as strange as her response when I told her:

"In my dream last night, NYC was under terrorist attack and you and I escaped on a raft. Unfortunately, an atomic bomb zapped us in the water, CAUSING US TO GO OVERBOARD BECAUSE OF THE BIG WAVES, but somehow we all ended up back at my house, which survived the blast because of the aluminum siding."

Not sure what that means... so I looked up "water" in the Dream Dictionary:

Cleansing. Life. Emotions. Ask yourself about your current feelings.

Then boat: Movement across the depths of feelings. Will attain aim in life.

Then murder: Violent end. Loss of control over a situation. Sorrow and failure.

Then friend: Joy and consolation. Aspect of self ready for integration.

Hmmm. All seems to sum it up for me...

Ways to Kill Bugs Part Deux

This second bug killing theory is ingenius and sticky free. Thanks to Melissa.. I'm able to kill both hoppies and creepy crawlies. Instructions below:

1. To kill creepy crawlies, boil pot of water.
2. After water boils, lunge full force at sink containing creepy crawlies.
3. Scream loudly... I usually prefer Heeeeeeeya! in the tone of Miss Piggy.
4. Toss boiling pot of water at sink.
5. Creepy crawly floats magically down drain.
6. To ensure safety that bug is fully removed, follow up with immediately turning on garbage disposal.
7. Enjoy bowl of cereal, with sound mind, and go to bed.

My New Definition of Heaven

Ah... the at-home massage. Wow. This could be the best experience I've had in a long time... And the best part... it was doctor's orders. That's right, I was told by my physical therapist that I was so tense, a massage was necessary to aid in my recovery. Thanks to my pal, I was finally connected to a great massage therapist who comes to the home and does an amazing job.

This is great news for The Paul, because my back-up plan was to kidnap him from his Jersey home and force him to work on me.

Best of both worlds, I'm not a criminal and I'm relaxed.

smoooo(ahhhh)ch,
G

What a Sh*tball Weekend...

Or maybe this post should be entitled "further fodder showing that Sweet Baby Jesus hates me"....

I was supposed to have this awesome weekend... after my one-year review on Friday, I was supposed to travel to my favorite shore bar, drink a lovely Sandinyerbutt-ini made by my favorite, Mr. M. Mixologist. Then after a night of poker, snacks and fun.. I was supposed to mosey on up to see my better half, Melissa... We were scheduled to see a movie that only she and I can see together, Blades of Glory...

Then, after even more fun, I was going to head all the way down the good ol' GSP to help my pop take the maiden voyage in his new boat.

I know what you're thinking... What did she break now? Femur? Nah... just got tangled up in family drama, so the only I got to do was help the Captain take his boat... given my messed up weekend.. its no wonder that the trip started like this:

Dad: That's weird, why is the bilge pump spewing out water?
G: Um, its done that like 4 times why you were loading. I thought that's what a bilge pump does? (how many of you are impressed so far w/my nautical-ness?!)
Dad: Yes, it does when you're taking on large quantities of water.
G: Are you sure they put the plugs in the boat when they put it in the water yesterday?
Dad: J**sus Christ.
(Dad runs to stern -that's back for you non-nauticals- of boat and starts checking things furiously)
Dad: The damn thing is leaking!
G: I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to happen.
Dad: Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Turns out it was a cracked something or other... and we were able to trudge through our 1 1/2 hour long trip in 45 degree weather. Lucky me.

Couple that with the 11 1/2 hours of driving I did this weekend due to the closing of I-95 on Friday and you pretty much see that it doesn't exactly go up hill from here.

Until now, of course... as my horoscope says:

Overview:Right when the stars give you the opportunity of a lifetime, you feel faint of heart. If you take this chance, you have so much to gain. Breathe your way through it and you'll be more than fine. Go for it already!

Clearly, it's a sign that I'll be hearing any minute from the lovely folks at Key West Magazine...

I am PREPARED for my luck to change.

Smooch,
G

So Lucky...

I've often said that I'm so lucky that my friends have all had cute kids, because I'd have trouble lying if they were ugly. I realize now, that I'm even luckier that my brother reproduced a cutie, or else it would be even more awkward.



Now, I know I'm biased here... but she's pretty darn cute and as the proud grandpop likes to point out, clearly brillant because she's able to flip over at 3 1/2 months.

Yea, between my sister, Lucky and now Sophia.. I've completely fallen off the Daddy's Girl radar. At least he remembers my name... most days.

Smooch,
G

Because I'd be a coward if I didn't...

Here you go people... Here is the proof that I did in fact apply for the job this evening. Oh, and for those of you that never really knew, this cover letter also serves as a look at what I have done over the past 8 years. :-)

Enjoy! And if I make it to Southern Most Part of the US, well, everyone is free to visit at any time.

Smooch,
G


I reviewed your advertisement in Media Bistro for an executive editor for Key West magazine and felt it would be remiss if I did not throw my hat into the ring for this incredible opportunity.

To date, my career has taken several remarkable twists and turns and I believe that having this chance would give me the opportunity to create another success. I began my career in college, working in several different positions for the trade publication, Whole Foods Magazine. A journalism major, I engaged in other media internships, working as newspaper assistant, where I wrote stories and designed layout as well as an internship for the WB Evening News in Philadelphia.

My skills throughout these experiences landed me in my first full-time job, where I became the publicist for Dr. Robert C. Atkins, the world-renowned cardiologist and author of Dr. Atkins New Diet Revolution. Beyond managing Dr. Atkins and all of his media, I was in charge of the company’s media relations, managing several international public relations firms and all partnerships with major corporations including TGI Fridays, 7-11 and Subway.

After deciding to leave the company, I relocated to Washington, DC, where I headed public relations efforts for the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, concentrating on coalition building and forming partnerships with other mental health associations. While at ADAA, I developed and implemented award-winning awareness products and programs including a college campus initiative that received the Award of Excellence from the American Society of Association Executives and, as part of the ADAA Mother-Daughter Campaign, a calendar, Women Talk: Open the Dialogue – Triumph Over Anxiety Disorders, which won a National Health Information Award for Patient Education from the Health Information Resource Center. Additionally, I secured a high-level media partnership with Self magazine to release results of a national survey kicking-off the first ever national anxiety disorders awareness week, “National Stress Out Week.” The successful campaign is currently in its second year and was also expanded into a college-version called “National Stress Out Day” which takes place at universities nationwide during final exam season.

Currently, I’m working for the Chandler Chicco Agency in Washington, DC, which was recently named both PR Week’s Agency of the Year and Healthcare Agency of the Year by the Holmes Report. Recruited by their talent management, I’ve been producing and implementing public affairs and relations campaigns for a range of clients including pharmaceutical companies, hospital alliances and not-for-profit foundations.

Although my healthcare experience is significant, from my years of media experience, I’m highly adept in writing and story development. Additionally, I’m extremely capable and quite familiar with managing a staff including freelancers and artistic design. At my core, I am a writer, enjoying creative writing in my spare time thru my personal blog that I have maintained for several years.

I realize my resume is not typical of the ones you’ll be receiving, yet I’m confident, if given the opportunity, I would grow to be a key member of your staff and be able to lead the team successfully.

Thanks for taking the time to consider my attached resume.

Best,

Gina Mangiaracina

No Man is An Island...

But that certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't live on one! Ok, so for those of you who don't know... while in my one-armed state, I started to research jobs in Key West. I moved down to DC, because I found it to be one of my "happy places", so I figured, KW was the best vacation I ever had, I should move there.

I was terribly sad when I found out that the Conch Republic does not have any actual PR firms, so I quickly gave up my dream. Much to my surprise, I was later sent a job listing email which normally only has jobs from the Big Apple, that clearly stated Key West magazine seeks Editor.

Really, what are the chances? A week or so after searching for jobs, one amazing opportunity is sent to me from the email gods? So, I quickly forward to my advisor de futura, Mr. M. Mixologist and The Paul....

Mr. M. Mixologist seemed to buy my deal of "if I get the job, then you come with as my personal mojito maker"... but The Paul's response was pretty inspiring:

What holds you back? I realize moving to Key West on your own right now might not be what you had in mind, but I could see you running this magazine with your experience and probably loving the more leisurely pace. First ten Editor G articles:

1) The best Pina Colada on the island award
2) The best conch fritters on the island award
3) The best beach on the island award
4) The best karaoke bar on the island award
5) How to collect bead necklaces from strangers in the wee hours.
6) Why doesn't Mallory Square have a S'more stand?
7) How to use your time pool side on a chaise lounge the most efficiently
8) The best pool boy on the island award
9) Why Cheetah Kittens should ride the shoe down at New Year's Eve
10) How to Fedex annoying tourists back to the mainland for under $100 (this would probably be my first article, actually)

Yes, I have taken crazy challenges before... from running and designing a yearbook without ever being part of the yearbook club to being a publicist working for the best selling book author from 1999 - 2003 and #3 most popular story under 9/11 and Iraq, without ever taking a class in PR...

But could he be right? Would someone buy my schpiel? Could someone with no actual editor experience run Key West magazine?

I have to say, I'm pretty confident that if given a chance, I could do rather well... or at least have a shitload of fun trying... but we'll see when I send in my amazing cover letter and resume tomorrow.

Shopping Problem? What Shopping Problem?

I have this friend who has a minor love for shopping. However, she's been a little physically challenged as of late, having surgery on Jan. 24, breaking her shoulder on Feb. 24... so this Mar. 24, she decided to stay home, in the event a large meteor would fall from the sky and have her in traction for her birthday, July 24.

However, she grew bored, quickly... so she did what every normal gal would do. She went shopping... still scared to leave the house, she began online shopping. First hitting Target, than CVS (for necessities), than she breezed by Old Navy (with gift card!) and Gap (also with gift card!)...

Still, despite her spree, she grew restless. So she did the next logical thing... exhausted from shopping, she went a got a pedi, which is only a block away, so she figured she would be safe from harm.

The next day, she tore through her chores (she didn't even clean for fear of chemical blindness or slipping while mopping)... even went grocery shopping (which she HATES) and did laundry.

So, how did this girl treat herself today? After a long hard day at work, she accidentally stumbled into Union Station and fell into a shoe store where the lady was too nice to her.. and now she is the proud owner of extremely painful to wear ballerina flats... and a cute headband because the lady insisted she needed a cute new accessory to match her cute, yet painful new shoes.

I know. I'm the stuff that fairy tales really should be made of... except when the bills come in.

The Schmotty Birthday Post.

Happy Birthday, Schmotty 2 Hotty.... This is the first year in forever that I didn't get a card out on time... BUT, I figured a post is more effective.

So, my dear, Schmotty... besides your eternal birthday gift of this blog, not sure what great birthday wisdom I can impart on you this year, but here are some of my favorite lessons from years past:

1. Never argue with airport security when you're accidentally carrying a blow-torch lighter with Arabic writing all over it.

2. Shots of tequila really should be greeted with the words "Tequila, No Thank You." If not you're liable to wake up with a bruise from your knee to your thigh and be required to keep a bag of frozen peas on that bruise for an entire weekend. Alternatively, shots of tequila with champagne, will cause a visit from the Confetti Fairies. From the gal still picking confetti out of unmentionable areas.. just don't do it.

3. If you lose your friend while out drinking, its ok to stop for pizza while trying to find them. After all, you'll need the energy for looking, or just going home and passing out.

4. Never go to Jamaica. Yes, I know you and I learned this first hand together, but just a reminder.

5. Always be courteous when someone says "Loud noises make me go puke." They have a hangover, so handle them gently and get them the Excedrin, Burger King hashbrowns and Diet Coke they need. An exception if this is your underage child, then you make them do something painful, like paint their room.

6. Your wife rules all. This is not paid for by the Friends of Danielle campaign, actually it was Melissa's idea.

7. Never get hooked on American Idol or any other dumb TV show. This was not Melissa's idea and yes, I'm prepared to face the wrath.

8. At every opportunity, laugh and dance, even if both seem inappropriate at the time. Ok, maybe think twice and make sure its not entirely inappropriate... funerals, mass acts of terrorism, would be obvious exceptions.

9. Don't forget your kid's birthday... or realize if you do, that you will one day be the victim of an online blog and have to pay for many years of therapy.

10. If you stop at an ATM machine after a night of drinking and it gives you hundreds of dollars, you didn't dupe the system and rob from the bank, you just mistyped the numbers. Sad, but true. If you're driving the friend that thinks they robbed that bank via the ATM machine, take them to AC and spend the money, quickly.

11. Know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em, know when to walk away and when to run.

12. Never give up on that scrappy underdog friend of yours who may injure herself repeatedly, both drunk and sober, and do ridiculous things like host bar crawls on Sunday nights... but remember that you're bound to love her forever, regardless. She'll pay off somehow in the end. :-)

Finally, I found this a pretty good goal....

I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

When you get kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work.

So you go to High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally promiscuous.

As you get even younger -- pretty soon you become a kid again.

You go to elementary school, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

In a few years you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap Until finally . . . you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

So, my dear Schmotty, I wish you the happiest of happy birthdays. I wish I could be there to have a SoCo and lime to celebrate with you.

Smooch,
G

BTW

In the category of things that only happen to G, on my way to work today, my cab driver only spoke in rhyme.

"Now that you'll be on your way, I hope you have a good day."

He also said "ya dig."

No kidding... if I wasn't working my way towards bankruptcy, I totally would've given this guy a $20.

Sling Free...

Ah, sling free at last, sling free at last, thank god almighty, sling free at last....

Now on to physical therapy 3 times a week for a month.

Considering I have no ability to lift my arm up and out yet should be A blast....

Baby steps, baby steps... hopefully, my arm will be so uberstrong, I'll quit my day job and shoot for professional pool player. Or just quit my day job for the halibut.

I Don't Want to Say I Told Ya So, But.....

I've always been 100% convinced by my own theory that if all the world leaders got together every month to go bowling, eat pizza and drink beer, that eventually it would lead to world peace. I mean after all, who can be angry while doing all those things at the same time?

Since I currently don't have the connections to convince those leaders, I need to start with what I got. For today, what I got is this blog and Melissa's new word, Fucktard... Overcome with laughter by that word, I was sure it would do some good in this world, so I shared. And low and behold, just a few days later, I got my first testimonial:

Schmotty: hey
G: hey scoot.
Schmotty: i had a road rage incident yesterday,
G: oh no!
Schmotty: I used your new favorite word
Schmotty: and then I wasn't angry anymore
G:YOU DID?!
G: awh!
G: a testimonial!
Schmotty: yup, after i said it I started laughing
Schmotty: worked wonders

So you see folks, if everyone pulled their resources together and shared what made them happy, the world would become a much less fucktardulous place.

Smooch,
G

Door to Door Dater, The Reprise

Wow. What a morning. Trying to be a team player, I rush over to Safeway this morning to pick up green food dye for our 'green beer' day.

It's rather common knowledge that I hate grocery stores. So, I make the best of it by having iVana going full blast.

As I finally figure out where the baking aisle actually is, someone brushes past me.

"Oh, that could only be Miss Gina," I hear a voice say. I look up.

Yup, Hello Door to Door Dater.

"Uh, hi. I'm really late for work."

"Do you want me to drive you?"

"Gee, no thanks."

"Here's my card! I didn't have it last time."

"Oh, thanks."

Door to door dater, the same man who said he did PR for "the state" is a sedan/limo driver.

Guess I should exit this business now if he did PR for "the state" and gave it all up to a drive a car.

As if things couldn't get worse, I get to the Metro, where there was some random fire... which doesn't compare to the crime scene tape I crawled under last night to get home.

After 3 trains go past and someone body checked my broken shoulder to get on one, I realize I had enough. I rush back up the stairs, have to walk all the way home, where finally some nice cabbie picked me up.

Finally 1/2 hour late for work, I go to make my coffee, head throbbing... and I broke the coffee pot.

I don't know who the saint was at work that fixed it, but I was in such bad shape at that point, I was so glad that a Caffeine Angel decided to help me out.

Ick.

A Case of the Mondays...

It's true. I didn't get into the field of communications to add. I got into PR for 2 reasons:

1. Melissa hired me on the spot.

2. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

At any rate, they asked me to do a budget and I tried to live up to the challenge. What they didn't tell me was that there was an Excel template, the template had formulas. All I really had to do was put numbers in the template. Instead, I've spent the last 3 days, adding numbers by hand with a trusty solar calculator and pad and pen.

Oy.

In other news, I need to steer clear of birthdays. I guess word has gotten out that I'm fun to celebrate birthdays with, which I guess makes sense considering my birthdays usually suck, so I try to go over the top for other peoples. This is starting to cause serious problems with my ability to function properly on Monday mornings. A celebratory drink turned into a bar crawl. Eeek! And I have more birthdays to celebrate! Tomorrow is Luis' turn... I have to do something awesome because I missed his party. I'm guessing he's not as easy as the Telecomedian and cupcakes won't be the answer.

Alright kids, I'm off to try to figure out why my chicken won't cook and then resting up for tomorrow's big night.

Smooch,

G

The Hits Keep On Coming...

Ok, boys, is there something I should know about a sling that is a turn on? If not, I must be emitted some weird phermones.

In effort to get out and enjoy the day, I went to the Home & Garden show. Stop laughing. I really did. Yes, I know I'm not that into either, but I figured, what the hay.

Walking down the street, a group of 4 boys approaches and I hear "Hey girllllll". It was my pal Luis... first time ever I saw someone out of the blue in this town, that I actually wanted to see. I missed his birthday party, because the power nap I began on Friday turned into the power sleep that ended Saturday.

Yet, Ginger and I press on to the show. People watching alone was worth the $10 admission. Ginger and I notice a lot of smiles and a ton of attention. I didn't figure it out until we got stopped at a timeshare travel booth.

"Hey girls, sign up for $40 and get a free 4 day/3 night trip to Vegas." So, we appease the guy and he keeps talking about how he and his friend are going to take the trip and signed up under his mom's name. Then, the guy starts trying to convince us to go the same week. In his best Southern accent he says, "Come on ladies, we can all go to Vegas, get wasted." We smile politely and say "we'll be right back".

As we try to escape, we're stopped dead in our tracks by another North Jersey guy selling back massagers. You can usually tell North Jersey guys by two things: accents and hair.

"What happened to you?" he says.

"Oh, I broke my shoulder."

"You look like you could use a massage."

"I think that may hurt."

Suddenly, it dawns on me. I look around at the patrons of this fine event. We're the only two single gals strolling along. Ahhhh, we're the bizarro demographic!

Another two stop us to try to convince us to buy a brick deck... also ask about the sling. I tell them I was rock climbing in Brazil and they're overwhelmed with interest. I feel so bad, I say I'm joking. This apparently didn't matter.

Oy... AGAIN. In this weekend of weirdness.... is it possible for a normal, single dude to come crawling out of the woodwork to date this (somewhat) normal single gal??

I guess we all have to wait and see.

Smooches,
G

The Door to Door Dater...

Hello, my name is Gina and I was just door-to-door dated. That's right... I'm sitting here minding my own business when the door knocker knocks. Now, I'm expecting a guest, so I throw open the door and say HIIIIIII.

Only it's not my guest, it's some random dude.

"I hear you are the one selling a DVD player," he says and smiles.

"Uh, sorry, no."

"Oh, the ad is right here, #224."

"This is 124."

"Oh."

"No Worries."

"It's a nice building."

"uh, sure."

"When did you go to Paris?"

"Wha?"

"Your shirt." (Thanks a latte for staring at my breasts)

"I haven't."

"Oh."

"Do you like living here?"

"Um, sure."

(This continues on and on by the way, but for sake of brevity)

"Maybe I could ask you for coffee sometime?"

"Uh."

"Please... let me give you my name."

"Whatever."

"I don't have paper."

"Bummer."

"Ah, here, I write it on the ad."

"Ya, thanks."

Door slammed shut and dead bolted.

WTF? I thought the days of the door- to-door salesman were dead, now I have to worry about door-to-door daters?

To top this off, last night, I come in my bldg and the security guards and another tenant yell "Miami Vice?" The tenant (cutie, btw) was like "Do I look like Miami Vice?"

(He absolutely did not.)

I reply with the cutesy, "Is that the look you're going for?"

He smiles and continues to chat endlessly about his self consciousness over his outfit.

Apparently, this building is turning into the next pick up joint in town.

Is it even remotely possible that there is just one normal single dude left on the planet that wants to go out on a normal date with a normal (ok for sake of this argument, anyway) gal?

Oy.

-G

Is Everyone Born in March?!

Ok... winning Agency of Year means two things:

1) You get to toast with a bottle of Dom. Definitely not the same champagne I had at New Years.

2) I get the responsibilty of throwing a nice bash next week. Yahoo! Currently convincing the office to either: a) a bar crawl; b) a scavenger hunt or c) a comedy club. Everyone is appeasing me because this gimp can't go bowling. :-(

And there are more birthdays!!!

Happy happy birthday to my good friend Luis and the lovely Larry.... both are today!

And don't worry, Lord of the Dance, I didn't forget your birthday this Sunday. Happy (almost) Birthday to Magnus!

I'm a bit behind on cards, etc. for obvious reasons.... Alright, time to power nap because I'm supposed to hit some parties tonight. Hopefully power nap, doesn't turn into power sleep, because that's where my heart is at right now.

Smooch,
G

Everybody is a Winner...

Congrats to kick-ass PR star Melissa who's TMX Elmo campaign won a major industry award tonight...

My agency also won agency of the year.... yay. I'd be much more excited if I felt I had more to do with it....

I wish she and I were still winning together.... even though, we IM every day.. just not the same working so far apart. I miss my work spouse.

Way too go, chica!

Smooch,
G

I Piddled A Little...

I've spent over half of the day laughing to the brink of tears.

The first half of the day, Melissa amused me with her new found love of the word 'fucktard', which for those of you ol' timers is a mixture of fuckin' retard. The word got a giggle, but it wasn't until the following conversation that I could no longer fake cough my way out of my laughter. I actually exploded in a mixture of snorting and tears in my office. Thank goodness I'm still on painkillers, which I now blame for any of my poor behavior. A little sample of the convo:

melissa: stop stealing fucktard
g: i LOVE it
g: come'on, i gave you crikey for crikey's sake
melissa: crikey, don't be such a fucktard
g: stop saying fucktard
g: it makes me giggle
melissa: here are some other useful ways to work fucktard into a sentence
melissa: you're fucktardulous
melissa: it's the jerry lewis fucktardathon
melissa: and the crowd pleaser, fucktardasaurusrex
melissa: then you can customize your fucktard according to ethnic background
g: i'm busting out laughing right now
melissa: mcfucktard
g: people are staring
melissa: fucktardio
g: i have tears
melissa: fucktardopolous
g: stoppppppp!
melissa: fucktardski
melissa: fucktardowitz
melissa: it's truly a versitile word
g: i'm crying right now... i'm so getting fired
g: i choked and snorted at the same time.. the jerry lewis one, you had me at the jerry lewis one

If we were still in the same office, this would've been game over for our work day. We'd have spent the rest of afternoon playing Word Racer and telling media we'd call them when we could.

As if my snorting incident wasn't enough, I got to finally catch up in person with the Telecomedian. That's right, after almost two years, we were finally in the same place at the same time, and the world did not come to an end. Even though it was his birthday, I was the one doing most of the laughing... that was until he ended the evening on a gimp joke. Evil. :-)

Thanks people... we all know I needed a good laugh. Just wish it didn't make me almost piddle a little.

And a very happy birthday to Mr. Telecomedian. There is no one else I'd rather eat artery clogging, obesity causing food with to celebrate a birthday.

Smooches,
G

Home, Crap, Home

As my advisor de futura, Mr. M. Mixologist has told me repeatedly that I won't be able to leave my house, until I've bonded with it. I assume he meant this in a good way, but I have to say, after being alone in my house for the last week, me staring at the white walls, the walls staring back at me, I think we're beyond the formalities.

My Hair Guru is My Hero

Contrary to the tall tale I was told by the salon's receptionist, my hair man extrodinare, Patrick, did not break up with me. Far from it. After hearing about my shoulder, he rearranged his weekend plans to come and do my hair. This caused quite the stir at the front desk. For the first time, I actually told Patrick that we either changed the color or I was pulling a Britney and using my clippers to shave it off. Not only did Patrick oblige me with a new look, he also paid for it. That's right, the man came in on his day off, redid my 'do and paid.

In the face of all my recent adversity, my Patrick just saved the day. And he doesn't even realize that this small gesture was the equivalent of talking me off a ledge. I guess sometimes, heroes don't realize their heroes... which is what makes them so awesome.

This week has been trying, to say the least. The people I'd expect to at least offer to help, didn't even bother to call. Yet, some people have really come thru in the clutch. Even my workaholic boss, seeing how completely sick and in pain I was yesterday, stopped everything and drove me home early.

I guess this what they call 'life's little surprises'.

Eating Worms...

I don't like Schmeffy sometimes. Because, sometimes, all I want to say is noone likes me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna go eat worms.

Schmeff always says, "No eat worms." This is his way of telling me that I'm wrong.

Ok, so sometimes, it takes awhile to say he's right. (again, its part of the contract). This time I was sure I could go eat worms.

Yet, as I walked into my building, the security guards and some residents stopped me and asked about the Gimp.

I explained the story, how I fell walking my brother's dog, trying to help out b/c they're trying to get used to being new parents.

All of them offered to help me with my groceries and anything else I need. The security guard even offered a better story to tell.. that I should tell people I fell while dancing on table tops with Bobby Brown.

Freakin' Schmeffy. You're right... I can't eat worms if people are offering to help me.

Argh.

Drugs are good for you...

I'm not exaggerating when I tell you, I've pondered every way possible to off myself over the past few days. Clorox, jumping in front of a bus... overdose (very hip right now)... What's sadder is realizing exactly how I'd fuck up each way, which would be way more embarrassing than actually killing myself.

I've been a Grumpy Gus, that's no secret. Sorry to those who've been facing the brunt, but when I finally get in a position to laugh and explain the full story, you'll all be happy by entries.

So, what is slowly pulling me out of the funk? I got an entire group of clients and colleagues to agree that I should be taking more mind-altering drugs on a conference call today. Gimp (that's me) listened intently to the call - which was basically the same call I've heard over and over again for almost a year -- we're trying to name a campaign and have been for months on end.

Losing all ability to have a gag reflex thanks to the megadoses of pain pills, G says, "hey what about X - which has to remain under wraps but basically was an acronym that equated to five relevant words that name the campaign"

Dead silence.

"Crap. Knew I shoulda stayed quiet."

"Who said that?!" - Client says.

shit.

"I did," says G. "Sorry, just off the top of my head."

"That could NOT have been off the top of your head." client says.

"Really, it was. I'm sorry."

"No. Couldn't be. Do you have any idea how GOOD that was?" client says.

"Um, really it was... I'm taking massive amounts of drugs right now b/c I broke my shoulder." - G says.

"Ok, next mtg, everyone gets some of G's drugs." - client says. Everyone agrees. Team comments include "I'm stunned." "There's nothing I can add to this." "G, you can go home now" (from the boss)

Yea, well, I guess kids, everyone has a talent. Mine is to make the world a happier place via mind alteration and self-deprecating humor. Clearly, it's why you people continue to read.

BTW, OPEN INVITE to HELP ME. I'll take any type of help people can give... rather desperate for the following:
-laundry
-hairdresser
-clothing
-grocery shopper

Horoscope:
Have the confidence to do what you want today -- don't be afraid to boldly go where you've never gone before. Sure, you might not know how everything works at first, but that doesn't have to put you at a disadvantage. After the first five minutes, your nerves will stop jangling, and you'll even start to feel a sense of accomplishment. Take a deep breath, and then step out of your comfort zone -- and relish that 'Wow! I can really do this!' sensation

Smooch,
G

Why Quitting Smoking Is Bad for You...

Not because I just saw the movie, Thank You for Smoking... but because every time I've quit it leads to chaos and at times, destruction.

There's proof... I've even double checked with the likes of Melissa and Schmeff... every time I've gone on record as a quitter, within a month it leads to some disaster... at first, my credit card was stolen.. the next time, within weeks my grandmother and dog died, i got in a car accident, my house was robbed and my identity was stolen... the next time, about a month later, 9/11 happened. I'd since given up until recently and now, I'm writing to you, el gimp shoulder... with no ability to dress myself or even do my own make-up.

I'm not a pack a dayer, in fact, most of the time, I'm not even a pack a week. So, if a few smokes are going to keep me and the rest of the world from utter destruction and terrorism then, I have to say, pass me a lighter, por favor.

Schmeff, the most adamant advocate for me quitting, has finally agreed that it just ain't worth the price.

the gimp is signing off.

Oh, and an early Happy Birthday to The Paul. Sorry your gift part 2 will be a few days late... but I promise its a good one.

smooch,
G

Quickly...

typing with one hand is quite difficult. I broke my shoulder this wknd.. since i'm talented, of coruse i broke the right one... apologies to those in dc that see the dishelved, person w/clownlike makeup, but.. its not easy trying to get dressed all by yourself. let's not even discuss teh moutains of laundry, etc. that need to be done.

could life be worse? sure. i could be in traction.

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

Way past my bedtime, but had to share... Tonight, G killed not one bug, but two - a spider and a hoppy one. Sure, it's still using my rock solid method of hairspray and vacuum, but I did it!!! And I only screamed once....

Your lil' gal is growin' up a little every day.

Nitey nite smooches...

-G

The Pressure is on...

With the recent departure of Melissa's weekly blogging, I know you readers are even further pressed for juicy posts. And I'd normally be happy to oblige, but since its 10 pm, and I got out of work less than an hour ago AND wrote my boss a lovely email outlining the ways I'm failing her, I don't have too much to report.

Ok, there's a small white lie in there. There was a date. With a new man. It was good, very good --smut good. Apparently, the news of this has spread like wild fire w/o me blogging about it, so I guess I don't even need to report!

I currently don't plan on setting any expectations for y'all considering the last one turned out to be such a plot twist. We'll all have to wait and see.

In other news, WTF is going on w/Britney Spears? Poor gal.... drugs are bad and all, but there is no need to GI Jane yourself.

Ok, let's see what this weekend holds... right now, the only things on tap are still trying to catch up at work, my taxes (G add, PLEASE--paying someone but have to meet with them), cleaning and a possible "trial-run" babysitting stint with my niece. This means something good has to go down. It's law that you have to have fun at some point on a weekend.

OK, one last thing... I thought this was rather funny:

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of E. coli bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poo.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

WATER = Poo
WINE = HEALTH

Ergo: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of crap. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I am doing it as a public service.

Smooch,
G

This Gal Can Sing...

Not me! This gal: http://www.reginasayles.com/

Saw her live at the Jersey shore this past weekend... she's quite awesome and her album is available for 6.93 at iTunes...

She's got some wicked pipes.

Buy it... She's 1/2 Jersey.

Good Night.

Paint-a-Palooza

For those of you asking about when G's multi-weekend, all you can eat and drink, house-painting party will be... looks like at least the first two weekends in March. Who knows, it may carry over into the 3rd weekend too...

Come, grab a roller, get all the free food and booze you want.. just paint the walls (preferably within the lines).

Formal e-vite and details to follow.

Thanks,
G

I'm Jersey

Take this quiz: http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_new_jersey_are_you

You Are 92% New Jersey!

Wow, you're totally Jersey. There's no doubt about it. Congratulations, and always be proud to be Jersey--it's a great thing to be!

Ya, no kiddin.

Smooch,
G

Dumped the day before Valentine's Day...

Yup, that's right. Officially. Reason: While I was recovering from surgery, I txted and IMed while at my crazy family's house. Although, we communicated almost every day, since I didn't CALL for 7 days, just COMMUNICATED, clearly, I wasn't interested.

Dude. At least come up with a good excuse. Here's some examples:

1. I am shipping off to Yemen.
2. My psychic/tarot cards/horoscope said I shouldn't.
3. My dogs aren't ready for another female around the house.

This isn't that shocking... I have a history of bad V-days. Some highlights:

1. Having to do a "cleanse" before a surgery. Not realizing what this entailed, I went out on my date anyway. It ended rather abruptly.
2. Instead of my planned cozy V-day weekend, I took my college roommate to the ER, waited with her b/c her mom never showed up, only to find out she had an STD (definitely mood killer).

This is one holiday that I'm officially erasing from my calendar.

I'm off to watch World Trade Center b/c that's what you do when you're a jaded, single, dateless gal. Oh, that and I guess I'm going to order my nun's habit, start my collection of stray cats and random collectibles like minature shoes.

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day to all you lovebirds out there.

Why ask Why?

Of all the questions I've ever gotten about my blog, there is one that noone has ever asked and I find it so surprising. That question is: Why do I write this blog?

Is it self-deprecating humor? Schmeffercating humor?

Recent events have been forced me to ask myself this question.

There are times when it seems futile. Those are the entries that never get published.

I'd love to tell you, that I write with the you, the audience, in mind. And that's technically true, but mostly the audience I concentrate on is myself.

I fully confess to reading my posts. Not for narcissistic reasons, mind you. I examine the entries for the lessons that I am learning, ones I should learn but don't... communicating better, writing better, living better, taking my own advice...but the utmost importance is that it makes me laugh.

Trailing right behind is you loyal readers. I am glad you enjoy it and YES, you should be laughing. Even when I write about how I did something retarded, like walk over a sidewalk grate and have hot air shoot my dress above my ears. It's FUNNY! I mean, I may not exactly share your giggle that day... but Life happens.... and, I'm sorry to say, everyone is a little retarded. Anyone that thinks otherwise, is clearly a pompous ass.

I think if forced to give perils of wisdom to you... it would be just that. I hope that you laugh at yourselves, and laugh often. And maybe, one day, when you're in an awful huff about the day you're having... you muster up a chuckle to yourself and say "man this seems like something from G's blog". Kudos to you... write it up and I'll post it.

If you don't laugh at the imperfect things (and that means YOU), you'll probably wind up trying to take a bath with your toaster or jumping off the roof one day. I've been there, too...and if I have to blog about it so you all realize how silly the things we get so upset about are.... then so be it.

Now, some of you (or just one of you) may be thinking this doesn't address why I pick on the ol' Schmeffster from time to time.

For starters, everything I write about Schmeff is done with much love and although he does get grumpy about some things, he clearly digs my tale telling, so he lets me recount his life. The kid has always had more confidence in me and my talents, than I'll ever have. It's why our friendship contract clearly states a certain amount of times before I exit the planet that I have to say "You're right, Schmeffy." Of course, he forgot to state that all of those have to be sans sarcasm, so You're right, Schmeffy.

More importantly than the mush though, is that he truly does not realize just how funny he is. Whether intended or not, the Schmeffster can get me to bust out a giggle almost every time... the "almosts" are when he shifts into high gear and sends me puppy pictures or tells me I'm pretty....

Don't get me wrong, there are several of you that are pretty fine-tuned at this talent... Schmotty, Melissa, Mr. M. Mixologist, Telecomedian among them... but I must give props to the first person who turned making G laugh into an art.

So kids... whether its the exciting Holly Golightly type-tale involving me waking up at 3:15 am amidst several empty bottles of champagne and having an impromptu party at my place (I realize y'all may want more details about this) OR the boring posts about being excited that How the Grinch Stole Christmas is on... the G blog will remain live and well and on the World Wide Web.

Smooch and good night,
G

All My Secrets...

Given my recovery time, I decided it was high time to quit my daily friends. Relax, not you readers, but the ones that come in a pack of 20. So, I chose to funnel that energy into working out instead... yea, that and the fact that sitting on a couch for 3 weeks doesn't make you lose weight.

Dutifully up at 6:15 AM this morning, I head to my gym (oh, yea, I have one of those.. you just never heard about it before, b/c well... I never really went).

I'm huffing and puffing away and in walks 2-1/2 pounds-when-soaking-wet girl dressed in a big sweater. I let out an internal grrrrrrr as she decides to hop on the machine right next to me.

People in gyms do that thing where they stare at what the people on the machine's next to them are doing. I hate that. So, as I internally said "Yea, that's right, I can't breathe and I'm going at zero resistance... how you like me now, bee-atch".... Anorexia gal smiles as she checks out my digital display and rips off her sweater like she's Demi Moore in Striptease to reveal nothing more than a sports bra. COME ON! That's not even motivation.

Now, you all know I'm a huge believer in karma. So, I kept on truckin'. And of course, it came as little surprise to me when she revved up to do a full run, that sweater fell off the treadmill, almost knocking her full off... forcing her to stop her Prefontaine racing stance.

Karma. And, I couldn't help but chuckle.

Of course, this is also why later this morning, Karma hit me back as I got stuck in my own pantyhose, broke a nail, tried to grab my nail file to fix it, but instead fell to the floor in a mixture of 1/2 nakedness, pantyhose and nail file...

Karma is a bitch my friends. Your actions and reactions always come back to haunt you.

Alright, I'm off to work... this was my last post to make y'all smile.

Smooch,
G

Seriously, BIG Horoscope Junkie...

For tomorrow... I don't know who the astrologist for Yahoo! is, but he/she is damn good.

Quickie: You'll have to deal with a snob today -- just laugh off his or her pomposity.

Extended: Good manners may feel like a thing of the past today, when you must deal with someone who erroneously believes that arrogance is a mark of refinement. Luckily, the encounter will be fairly brief. You can try to teach this snob a lesson if you really want to, but it might be better just to shake your head and walk away, laughing to yourself at her or his pretentiousness. You can't be responsible for the behavior of other people, so do not let yourself get caught up in it.

Thanks Comedy Central...

As if the folks at programming there knew I was dreading going back to work tomorrow, I'm happily watching Office Space. Totally one of my favorite movies of all time.

Playing with Fire...

As I mentioned, the Schmeffster has been a busy bee of late... thus neglecting his contracted amount of G quality time. Today, I had the distinct pleasure of finally getting him on the phone. Granted we were chatting for quite some time, so, I completely figured he'd be multitasking while we were talking... I just didn't realize....

G: Yea, so I'm getting my tax stuff together and....
Schmeff: OOOH. OW.
G: Huh?
Schmeff: Um, nothing...
G: Ok, anyway, I've never gotten my tax stuff together before and...
Schmeff: OOOHHHH HOT. OH S**T.
G: What exactly are you doing over there?
Schmeff: Nuthin.
G: What do you mean nothing?
Schmeff: Nuthin.
G: Are you playing with fire?
Schmeff: Um, no. But its hot.
G: Are you playing with sharp objects?
Schmeff: Not really...

Turns out the Schmeffster was doing his husbandly duty of playing Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor -- i.e. fixing things with such fervor that the solution becomes the problem.

So what was Schmeffy fixing and what was hot but not fire? Why, he was soddering the utensil portion of his dish drying rack, to, uh, his dish drying rack.

After this attempt failed, he decided he needs to go bigger and better, he's going to get a welding machine instead!

In the words of the brillante Ms. Hilton, that's hot.

Thanks Schmeffy for always letting me use your life to showcase my writing talents!

Smooch,
G

Sometimes...

Sometimes, my dear blog readers, I have nights that I can't blog about, mostly because it could haunt my future political career. Additionally, it appears I'm once again the Bermuda Triangle for men. Lucky for me, I'm heading to Bermuda this October, so I should be awaiting an island of Lost Boys.

Instead of details, I give you this sweet and innocent post.

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream."

I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side.

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers todecorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beautyto grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting andrewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Another thing about G...

I'm awful with surprises... especially when it involves me buying gifts. I LOVE gift buying... except I get so excited about the gifts, that I need to tell people before they even get the gift. It was recently Mr. M. Mixologist's birthday, and thankfully, I was drugged up post-surgery, so I didn't spill the beans.

Well, another birthday is coming up... and I've been struggling to create the perfect gift. The idea came to me this morning and I've been working furiously all day to put all the pieces together. I am SO excited about this gift... and everyone will have to wait until the birthday passes before I can tell anyone.

So, there... now you all have to wait in anticipation too. HA.

I feel better now.

Smooch,
G

Schmeffster pulling thru in the clutch...

No good Schmeffy stories, b/c he's been too busy lately. But, he did pull thru today... he taught me how to download free music and now I the proud owner of the Kermie version of Rainbow Connection!

That Schmeff... every once in a while.. whether its saving me from random acts of terrorism or coming home with a Christmas tree when I'm too sick to buy one... he saves the day.

:-)

Now, if he only knew how to dye hair.

In case you didn't know...

I'm a horoscope junkie...

Quickie: You will understand the true value of something that no one else appreciates. (double stuff instead of regular oreos? humor in times of adversity??)

Overview: Give that difficult person just one more chance. If you open your heart and shut down your ego, you might be (pleasantly) surprised at what transpires. And, okay, if they mess up this chance, you can wash your hands of them.

Ooooh, I like this overview. It means something crazy will happen this weekend.

Watching my last Dawson's Creek episode... have a good day.

Smooch,
G

The Final Straw...

My hair guru is no longer working weekends... and therefore, will no longer be able to do my hair. :-(

I cry.

When the going gets tough....

Things have been going pretty far South, since my return past the Mason-Dixon line... to recap:

-Doctors have no answers -- Doc #2 was Googling new doctors for me to try. If you want something to scare the crap out of you, listening your doctor search the Internet for answers, is pretty scary
-Noone will buy poor Victor
-Disabilty screwed up my forms and is only covering one week (there goes my vacation time)
-Boy has yet to return Monday night call

Yea. That sucks. Even iVana was trying to make me feel better, as the shuffle was playing my favorite tunes.

So, after spending an entire day on my couch yesterday and my doctor appt today, I figured it was about damn time that the Tough go shopping. Even this backfired, as there are no winter hats left in Macy's and they ran out of my favorite pair of jeans.

I cry.

I'm trying to remedy this situation by meeting my old colleagues for lunch. I think it's Mexican... watch, they'll have run out of cheese when we get there. :-(

Save G from trying to jump out the window. (Relax, I'm on the ground floor and would get caught inbetween the bars). Post happy comments.

Smooch,
G

Big Brother, My Space

Everyone is online right now. Don't you people work?

So, that Victor has 9 lives... turns out, noone wants to buy a convertible when its negative 10 degrees. I personally don't get that, but... the offer was too low to sell. So, Victor lives to see a few more months of my parking lot.

In other news, it appears I busted a stitch, literally. I'm waiting for a call back from the doctors, who really have no desire to return my calls. I blame everyone who's been making me laugh...

I also hate when mommies are right... I decided to bag my trip to the office, in the hopes that my doctor will have a heart and decide to let me come in today for an appointment. As for next week, I don't think I can go back early, b/c I'd have to go back full time. And I'm not ready to do that.

Anyway, DC folks, I'm going bananas in my place... so if you're around, let me know.

-G

Wow, a website, just for me!

Many thanks to my NYC gal Nancy for sending me this website: http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/

Now every bad date I go on, I can enter the man's profile and warn other girls. Woohoo! I feel like I should have a cape or something ... "Never fear, Expert Bad Date Girl is here".

Looks like I have some serious work to do on this site b/c none of my bad dates or exes are on here... that's about to change!

Enjoy,
G

Survey Says...

In addition to recovery, my trip to Jersey also served as a decent focus group for me blog. Totally unexpected to me, but everyone had something to say about it...

"i don't like when you post just lyrics"...
"i like the comments"...
"i'm so glad you're public again"....
"are you a writer??"

and my favorite "why haven't you blogged this week?!"

Well, I didn't blog for a few reasons, mainly b/c I'm leary of Dad's technological skills... never know what he'll find next.

I mean, he's taught my mom how to Ebay and they sit on the computer for hours now outbidding people because they don't know how to use the autobid tool yet. It's quite amusing to watch them get all aggravated and yell "how does this guy KNOW to outbid us?!?".

While under house arrest/bed rest, I did seek solace in online shopping... I mean after all, who doesn't need a pair of ice pink sea-to-shore sneakers right now? What if I decide to join those polar bear swimmers? Have to look cute while freezin' my tookus off.

Then, when I felt a bit better, I upgraded to regular store shopping, which is something I never really do down here. G managed to pick up some cute new dishes, glasses... gearing up the abode for the inevitable paint job. Oh, and a few more pair of shoes... Yes, I have a problem. But hey, its better than my other bad habits.

In other sadder news, tomorrow Victor goes to the car dealer, for what hopefully will be a final sale. Doubling up on the mortgage, co-op fees and utilities, has taken a serious toll on my cash flow... so poor Victor has to go. Plus, I never really use him... and the amount he costs, I could take a limo to go to Jersey.

Last time I went to a car dealer by myself, the creepy sales guy stole my number and proceeded to call me for weeks on end. The time before that, the guy tried to sell me "clean oil" for my oil change instead of the normal "dirty" oil. Fortunately, I had enough boy friends to know that he was yankin' my chain.

I'll keep y'all posted.

Nighty nite..

-G

Utie, The Rock Star

When I was younger, I always said I wanted to be famous. I just didn't realize it would be for my reproductive system.

Once again, I've stumped the medical system. It seems that noone can figure out what is wrong. Additionally, the fine folks at GWU don't currently posess the pain pacemaker technology. This would be disappointing news for those of you who were gearing up to stick me by microwaves at parties for entertainment and watch me get searched in airport security lines.

So, I'm off to be part of some "special" study group. Having some experience in the world of medicine, this is what is nicely known as passing the patient. It's like passing the dutchie, but much less fun.

Until they have answers though, its all the painkillers G can handle. Send me your orders.

Yes, I know its not funny. In fact, its frustrating as hell... but if I don't joke about it, I'll never get through it.

Back in the District after my recoop week in NJ. I'm doing one mtg this week, then heading back to work next week... although I had another week or so off, I figure I'm just delaying the inevitable.

I promise to upkeep Senor Blog this week.

Smooches,
G

Screw it, go public....

Since I couldn't even log on to my blog, I decided to open it back up to the public. Seems the jack-hole that made the rude comment while I was in surgery, is working to help alot of people release rage, so, I'd rather it be open season.

Nothing much to report here... recovery is slow going, today not being such a good day. Getting a lil' tired of hanging on the couch, so hopefully, I'll be getting better soon.

Smooch,
G

My Lil' Minx...

Yea, so I have time on my hands.. I'm recovering. Anyway, this song goes to the woman who will fight for my honor when I'm unconscious and yes, sorry, folks UNDER THE KNIFE. Beyond that lil' display of chivalry... from the first time i heard this song, its always reminded me of her.

The 'rents are driving me to see my niece, b/c this apt ain't big enough for 3 people for 3 looong days. Smooch - G

"Suddenly I See"

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl

And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong towerShe got the power to be
The power to giveThe power to see

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

Cat Fight Comments?! Really....

Oy. So lovely to log on to write a nice lil' post to let everyone know how I'm doing and see the comments about my last post.

Well, folks, its the Internet. Free speech and all... I'd feel the need to defend myself, but really, that's why I have friends, who seem to take that to task for me.

I'd like to thank everyone who sent the beautiful flowers and well wishes... musta been my shameless sympathy grabbing and melodrama.

The good news is that recovery is going well... The good/bad news is that the surgery found nothing conclusive. So, according to my surgery (which by the way, did require a knife, otherwise known as a scalpel---good thing anonymous #1 is not a doctor), Utie is functioning well, and found nothing wrong. In fact, I'm told, I can even have me some babies if I so choose.

Bad news, is that the doc has no clue where all the pain is coming from... and there is talk of a second surgery to insert a pain pacemaker to regulate my body anytime there is pain. Ick. A little hard to digest just a few days after surgery #1, so we'll have to take this one day at a time. I'll know more when I speak to the doctor in a few days. But at this point, whatever it takes, whether it be throwing money at someone to go away to reduce my stress levels or a pacemaker (hey, i already have issues w/security in airports--what's one more?).

Again, thanks everyone. I couldn't have gotten this far with out the amazing amounts of support I received from you all.

Much love,
G

It's the Communication Age...

I was supposed to have Date #3 tonight.. in fact, Date was even ready to come with me to After to Silver Spring to play trivia with some pals... (yea, that's a switch.. a date wanting to meet my friends, not hide from them)

But, since we all know I have the grace of a gazelle, I was terrified that I would trip and fall on the non-existent patch of ice and wind having two surgeries instead of one... I had to bail.

Yet, even though, I was exhausted, I called the troups for a general consensus to cancel my alternate plan of having Date come to me and hang at home. After walking in the door after working a 11 1/2 hour day, cancelling all plans was my top choice. Everyone (who I got on the phone) said I absolutely had to go for Date #3.. despite my pleas of being exhausted and oh, you know, going under the knife in 48 hours.

So, reluctantly, I called to tell Date to come over... but, this is one smart cookie. He said "i know you're not letting on about how nervous and stressed out you are about surgery and getting everything together." He made the final executive decision to wait on Date #3, until I was feeling better.

Ok, so, you're thinking "ah, he blew you off". I'd have thought that too, if he didn't proceed to spend the next 2 hours on the phone with me. :-)

This boy is smart.

In other news, I had my second celeb sighting tonight. A colleague was down from NYC, and as we were in the Metro Station she said "why is that cop dressed in hot shorts?"

It was no cop, it was the cast of Reno 911. I wound up riding the same train car with them. I have pics on my phone, but have yet to figure out how to get the pics from my phone to do anything but live on my phone.

Ok, kidz... Doubtful there will be another pre-surgery post... with the 'rents coming down tomorrow and all... So, I bid you all adieu for the next few days or so.

Love and smooches,
G

Too much of a good thing...

I decided to write a fully detailed post about Date Number Two for those of you hangin' on the edge of your desk chairs....

But, since I'm a woman, and we change our minds.. I decided I'll hold off...

Until I'm thru with this weekend's Date Number Three. :-)

Promise I'll get something up before I go under the knife.

Smooches,
G

Last Burger Night...

I'm the only girl that is booked solid with outings prior to going under the knife. :-)

Tonight was burger night, tomorrow night drinks w/my coworkers and Thursday Date #2. That's right kids, I said Date NUMBER TWO. A historic moment here in Washington, DC.

Will keep you posted...

Smooch!
-G

Quote of the Day....

So happy to have the day off... bonus post for you all!

"The moment when something major is accomplished, we are so relieved to finally be done with it that we are already rushing, at least mentally, into The Future. Wisdom, however, requests a pause. If we cannot give ourselves a pause, the Universe will likely give it to us. In the form of an illness, a massive Mercury in retrograde, our car breaking down. And we find ourselves required to stop, to sit down, to reflect." - Alice Walker

Yea, i learned this lesson well! :-)

Smooch,
G

My Entry... by Baxter T. Puppydog

Helloooo Baxter T. Puppydog here... its about time someone asked about my thoughts.... Gina said that I should go ahead and type something up for the fans. She's quite tired as her date went surprisingly well and she got in very very late. And no, I didn't get to meet him... but I was prepared to growl if he made it to my room.

Given I spend most of my day chillin' in my pad, my life isn't too exciting... except recently when I was buried in confetti by our fun guests. Tonight some of our favorites came to help remove Theodore our Christmas tree. We were sad to see him go.

Well, before G comes and accuses me of more online shopping, I better motor.

Wet nose kissies,
Bax

my favorite phrase is now a t-shirt...

Seriously... what next!

Back in the saddle...

agh, G has a date tomorrow... first one in a loooong time. we'll see how this goes, this boy seems pretty cool.... which means:

a) he's not cool. so, i will spend 1/2 my day thinking of escape excuses including: i left my electric wok on.. or i think my tv, stevie, misses me.

b) he is cool. this means gina will turn into her infamous alter ego, flipper, and instead of speaking english, will speak in high squeals and eeks.

very tired, a whole week's biz travel in nj. settling in for a nice night of vegging w/my new dvd player (that i installed all by myself!) and hanging with my best pal, Baxter.

smooches,
g

E-A-G-L-E-S!

Ya, you can't take the Philly out of the girl. My sports terrets reached and all new levels tonight, as Schmeffster gave me the play by play of the Eagles game via text message.

Smooch,
G

Is it 2008 yet?

Honestly, if my year continues on this pace, I'm going to miss it entirely. Though my Confetti Fairies have since flitted away, they have left me with confetti that seems to be multiplying every day. Today, at my office, as I reached to hand something to my boss, a single piece of confetti floated down onto my desk. I was promised that my new superpower would be the ability to have confetti burst from wrists like Spiderman. I didn't realize they were serious.

Besides my confetti bursts, gearing up for one final G Concert tour before I go under the knife. Next week, I will be running up and down my old stompin' ground - the NJ Turnpike... unfortunately, this trip is all work and very lil' play.... except that I'll be getting to spend some time w/the Schmeffster.

Sadly, that's about it on this end for now kids. I'll try to fit in a few more posts prior to, but be sure to stay tuned for some amusing post-surgery blogging. With my mother insisting that she is staying with me for at least a week, I'm sure my recovery time will be much faster. Also, if anyone has the urge to chill on a couch and be amused by a very doped up G, feel free to come visit.

Smooch,
G

Why You Never Crash First at a Party....

My smallish New Years gathering was a bunch of fun... Unfortunately, I fell asleep first and received a visit from the Confetti Fairies... (pictures to come). Waking up under two bottles worth of confetti was quite the start for 2007.

Happy New Year all!

Smooch,
G

Cheers to 2007!

Even after reading the Wikipedia entry, I'm still not sure I understand what this song means... but to be in the spirit, I give you Auld Lang Syne below. I'm of two minds as this year draws to a close, so much has happened... some good, some bad. I know next year will be another adventure in the life of G, that you my faithful friends and readers will follow me through...

Thanks to all of you, who have taken such good care of me this year. Words can't fully express how you all pulled me through, but I think you'll get it in 2007, with the all new Gina who will be partially rebuilt by George Washington University Hospital.

NJers, have an awesome New Years and I apologize in advance for my drunk dials....

Smooch!
-G

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup! And surely I’ll buy mine! And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the hills, and pulled the daisies fine; But we’ve wandered many a weary foot, since auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream, from morning sun till dine (dinner time); But seas between us broad have roaredsince auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend! And give us a hand o’ thine! And we’ll take a right good-will draught, for auld lang syne.

Why you should by stock in hairspary...

I defeated my first hopping bug tonight, thanks to my single-gal saavy and the $2.58 bottle of aerosol Rave hairspray.

Darn thing took almost half a bottle before I could get him sucked into the vacuum. Word to the wise... buy stock, b/c this is the only method that works for me killing bugs. You should also consider stock options in Mop N Glo, b/c it sure does make a floor sticky.

Smooch,
G

Ho Ho Hatchoo.

Somewhere in between the home buying, the craziness that is the Magni Xmas party and the assembling the guest bedroom for Chateau de Gina, I have developed a major cold.

Being that the only person I know that is whiner than me when sick is Schmeffy, I'm in my own world o' misery at the moment.

Other than that, I had a battle with a gigantor bug in my bedroom. The bug won because I'm apparently the only girl from Jersey who owns nothing aerosol (that's right, not even AquaNet) and he is a hopper so i couldn't vacuum him up. So, me and my feverish self slept on the couch until he decided to move. I'm prepared now though, spending a whole $2.58 on Rave hairspray.

Well kids, I'm off to work from home and get myself well... because if I can't play with my newborn niece this Christmas, I will be quite bummed.

Smooch,
G

Sweet Pea...

Yea, doting Auntie here... but, here's the proof that she's got the face of an angel.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Mushy poo factor: 10+

I intended to write this post before I headed out to meet my brand new niece, Sophia, the sweetest lil' angel (says the bragging aunt). Weighing in at 7 lbs 10 oz, she's just adorable, and I'd prove it to you, if I could figure out how to get these pics off my cell phone.

Before I was leaving for the hospital, I did my annual Christmas happy dance as I opened up my Christmas boxes and went to get my tree. I must say, although I was all alone, I showed some restraint and did not purchase the most expensive tree on the lot. I went for the 2nd most, but hey, this is why I shouldn't Christmas alone.

Then, even though, I was decorating solo, it dawned on me. I've had a pretty busy and rough year... I switched jobs, work way too much, bought my place (which I'm rebuying again this week - long story), got into a car accident, travelled through or in 20 states and 1 island country, lost someone special to me, went through a gazillion medical tests in prep for 07 surgery... and so on...

Maybe I'm a big baby, but I found it a pretty trying and challenging year. One that sorta makes you lose faith and gets you angry at the world... gives you the "why me?" complex.

Despite all this crap, and even though I was all by myself, there I was doing the Christmas dance. Yea, I'm a goofy cheeseball, but its that spirit or whatever you want to call that is at my core. It is something that no Grinch, bad health or busy work schedule can steal. Sure, all of that can make me question my luck or faith in humanity... but really, all I have to do is pick up the phone and dial one of the 120 contacts in there to stable that out. So, I guess you could say, once again, Christmas threw up on me and my home.

So, its to you, my friends that give me this support all year round, that I say... thanks. And have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Can't wait to see you all soon.

Smooch,
Aunt G

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on, our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

A girl only has so many organs...

I owe you all a great deal for the incredible outpouring of love and support I've received recently. The problem is at the moment, I'm working my way to being flat broke. So, I decided that to pay you back, I've been offering up a kidney here, a liver there... but well, I'm running out of body parts. And frankly, I wouldn't go for my liver if I were you and certainly none of the girly bits b/c they're not functioning so well.

So, for right now, all I can say is a million thanks to everyone stepping up and taking care of G. There are the right words to express it, but I'm just a lil' spellbound and overwhelmed to get them out right now. When the dust begins to settle, I'll be sure to follow up.

I'm a very lucky, spoiled gal.

Smooch,
G